[mags]

If your DH was originally hesitant about HS, how long did it take before he was on board or at least willing to try it for a yr? Also, what was it (a book, hearing someone's experience, knowing someone else that HS, etc.) that finally convinced him to give HSing a try?

 

[jlpumkin]

I can't say dh has come around though he has agreed to see how this year goes. Dd is 4 so his thoughts were - it's only preschool so if it doesn't work out now is the time to see. We're crossing our fingers. We tried preschool last year and dd came home w/ a bloody nose once, and in general was bullied. She was the youngest in the class. Plus the teachers kept trying to "get her out of her shell" which we didn't agree with at all. Then I became active in some hs groups and he saw some of the awesome experiences that she has now that can't happen in a classroom with 20 other kids. Finally he realized that hs isn't a forever decision, it's ok to re-evaluate each year whether it's time for them to go to school or stay home. (Here's crossing our fingers this year goes well

 

[momma2girls]

Pretty much what the pp said.
I kept telling him it doesn't have to a forever thing (though I want it to be) and that we can always reevaluate each year see how things are going and see what needs to be improved upon. I think when he realizes that we will have fun doing this and we can have more flexibility in our lives b/c of it he will agree more.
My main problem has been with my mother who seems to think that I am a lazy undetermined unorganized ditz. I can't possibly homeschool successfully even though I have done plenty of other things that she didn't think I could do very successfully. She seems to just be waiting for me to fail. Glad dh isn't so obvious about it if he feels the same way.

 

[wendyk]

My dh didn't have a great public school experience, so continued discussions-particularly those focused on how hsing would have changed his experiences for the better- helped a lot. Me joining a hs support group and coming home with stories of the things I saw at the meetings- kids not only being interested in things that were interesting to him ("you mean these 12 year olds were playing chess? Voluntarily?"), but also that they were socializing with one another and negotiating on a large scale who was going to what house for the afternoon and what they were going to do and how they were going to get home. His biggest hesitation was that he didn't feel qualified (never mind that he has a doctoral level degree...). We had another couple over for dinner one night and hsing came up. Dh commented that he didn't feel qualified to hs and one of the friends that was over for dinner commented in return that he didn't think he knew anyone more qualified. For whatever reason, this comment from someone he was meeting for the first time made a total difference. Since that night he has been totally on board. As dd has gotten a little older (now 3.5) and is showing a lot of his personality traits, he feels even more strongly in favor of it.

Our family is at least verbally on board. I think partly they've come to view us as following our own drummer anyway, so there probably is not a lot of benefit to protesting it!

 

[warriorprincess]

My oldest is 9, and while non of the kids have been to school DH is still not 100% on board.The thing that convinced him was out districts test scores, as repoted by the paper. Unfortunately that puts me under pressure-he expects me to keep all the kids "performing" above grade level.
Last week DH's best friend sent him pictures of his kid's first day of shcool, and it sent DH on a " thinking of what they're missing" trip.

:

 

[frogguruami]

In a way I think DH is still hesitant about hsing. But he let me start and he knows he can't take it back.

It took the school sending my depressed 1st grader home with straight A's and telling me they were going to hold him back a year because he wouldn't do his work. That he was not a candidate for the gifted program because he wasn't very creative. DS is SUPER creative as is everyone in our family. I told DH that DS was SO far ahead that if we pulled him and it failed that he could go back next year and not be behind. DH had the option of agreeing to hsing or putting DS on Prozac and having him repeat the 1st grade.

It was easier with our younger DS. The school told us that they would put him in the ESE behavior class because he was ADD, PDD/Autistic and couldn't handle a mainstream classroom. That will NEVER happen. Even if my oldest was to go back to PS (and it would have to be his decision not DH) my youngest will NEVER.

 

[SRHS]

Ds went to one month of kindergarten and then he was sold....kindergarten was a horrible experience for all of us...and now when I say, "since you're deploying, maybe we could send them to school ...just ofr the semester...and he looks at me and says "I sure hope you are just kidding!!! No kid of mine is going to PS!!"
then looks at me with squinted eyes and says..." you're not serious, right? This is just one of those daydreams, right???"

 

[Ravin]

DH doesn't get what most of my beefs with school are, though he wasn't thrilled with his high school experience--he wanted to go to military school and his dad wouldn't send him (despite being able to afford it).

Anyway, we both agree that as kids get older they should have some say in how they are educated, and is open to homeschooling as long as he's not the one who has to do all the work (much his philosophy about many parenting things, such as breastfeeding, babywearing, etc.).

 

[callmemama]

My dh was very reluctant initially, although now he's quite the homeschool advocate! When our son was 3, we attended a local homeschool support group meeting. As it happened, one of the leaders had an unschooled son that had recently graduated from college. That was the turning point for dh! I would also tell him about things I read in books about homeschooling. Quoting from Dumbing Us Down by John Taylor Gatto was effective too. It worked so well, we're unschoolers!

 

[Linda on the move]

My DH thought it was a really nutty idea at first, but he loves homeschooling now. When we were first talking about I took his concerns seriously and researched them thoroughly, but I think the thing that changed his mind was finding out that some of his co-workers homeschooled their kids and then meeting the kids.

He did have a major flake out last year and thought we should consider school, but he got over. He is back on board 100%.

 

[CharlieBrown]

We withdrew our girls from private school 2 weeks ago. He still isn't convinced, but I won't budge. He is an engineer and at times, can only see in black and white. If I home school now, it will be through high school and our girls won't go to college scenerio. He keeps bringing up the socialization issue. He will get used to it

 

[AnnR33]

MY DH was also really hesitant and flat out said no way for the longest time. It was the one thing we never compromised on and I just said we were doing it for at least the first semester and after that we'd talk.
Well thank God the PNW is full of homeschoolers. He started meeting quite a few co-workers, our neighbor, and other parents that homeschooled and were "like us" and it suddenly didn't seem so "out there." It was easier for him to identify with and he really liked coming home and not being pushed to help with homework and school functions!
He's sold on it for now but we agreed to talk more when we get closer to jr high (what a nightmare for any kid-I doubt he'll go back then!)

 

[PumpkinSeeds]

Yes, I invited people from our homeschooling group (I had been going to a group before my kids were "schoolage") not so much to talk about homeschooling but so that my husband could see that there are other "normal" people out there doing it. That did help a lot.

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnnR33 He started meeting quite a few co-workers, our neighbor, and other parents that homeschooled and were "like us" and it suddenly didn't seem so "out there."

 

[mags]

Thanks for sharing all of your experiences! My DH's biggest hang ups are the whole socialization thing. However, I think he is starting to re-think this, b/c he does feel that kids these days have no manners, are self centered and too materialistic. One issue for us is that there are not that many HSers where we live and the only ones we know are these really ultra-religious types. He thinks they are freaks and he cannot relate to them, b/c we are not like them, kwim? I think we need to find ppl who are secular HSers, who he can view as, "normal." Academics are also a big deal for him and obviously for me too. I know that it may not go over well, my plans are to HS with a relaxed eclectic classical approach. He would totally freak if we unschooled and even I am kind of uneasy about unschooling, b/c I am not sure of myself yet. It's something I am open to, but not at the beginning, I'd rather start out with some structure and relax as needed. Anyway, our kids will basically be expected to pursue a college education, unless they are extraordinarily talented at something that does not require a college education and can make a living doing it.

My DH is also concerned about all of the work involved (and how it will steal from his free time). This kind of irritates me, I mean we are BOTH the parents, and he is always worried about how much work is involved with the kids. If anything, I think the part he might be most involved with would be science, b/c he is actually really good at it and enjoys it. I know I'd be doing 90% of the work involved. I want to try to get him to read my, "family matters" book by david guterson (I loved this book, I think it's the best book to read if you are on the fence about HSing), but I'm still afraid that it's still to early and he will freak out (not to mention he is not big on reading to begin with). So far he has not mentioned the whole preschool thing, which is a relief to me, but my son is almost three. I am pretty much dreading the fact that we will be getting ppl asking about when he is going to start preschool soon, and kind of afraid it will influence my DH's views about how our kids, "need" to go to school.

Anyway, it was interesting reading about how several of your DH's were never fully convinced when you first started to HS. So, at least I feel that we are in a somewhat, "normal" situation right now. I'm still slowly trying to convince him that HSing would work out well for our family. He says things how it's sad that once the kids are old enough to really enjoy doing things like going to the zoo, the science center, etc., that they will be stuck in school most of the time. I just use those instances to sneak in the, "but if we HS..." comment.

 

[excitedtobeamom]

My DH was totally against it and yesterday he said we could do it until high school. I about fell over! His main worry is socialization as well. I think what got him to change his mind is sending him many links at work from this board and other articles. He reads them and then we discussed them. He also sees how much we already learn just living at home and following what the children are interested in. I am so excited but a bit scard now that the responsiblity is all on me! I hope your DH comes around. Mine was totally against it but I kept presenting good debates with both sides and it worked! Hooray!

 

[arlecchina]

my son's dad was against it for.....12 years. when he finally did agree he still whines and complains constantly.

I am pregnant: my partner isnt exactly thrilled at HS but not thrilled at any other school either. so I win. this one never sees a public/private school.

 

[Linda on the move]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mags One issue for us is that there are not that many HSers where we live and the only ones we know are these really ultra-religious types. He thinks they are freaks and he cannot relate to them, b/c we are not like them, kwim?

We've moved around a lot and this has been more of an issue for us some places than others. Your kids aren't limited to only being friends with other homeschoolers. We've met really nice kids who happen to attend school through other activities such as Girl Scouts, swim lessons, etc.

Quote:

My DH is also concerned about all of the work involved (and how it will steal from his free time)

If you homeschool, then you as a family decide how to spend free time. If you send your child to school, you don't. It really is just that simple.

 

[mamaMAMAma]

DH was against it for many years. I first looked into homeschooling when dd#1 was 1. Then we found a wonderful preschool when dd#1 was 3. We talked about it again last year (DD#1 going to K) and he was against it. Mostly because I also have a 1 year old and I seemed overwhelmed (dh's words). This year when I brought it up again, he slept on it and said the next day its a good idea. I almost feel off my chair. The more we looked into it, the more we both feel its right for our family. Good luck to you!

 

[mags]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Linda on the move We've moved around a lot and this has been more of an issue for us some places than others. Your kids aren't limited to only being friends with other homeschoolers. We've met really nice kids who happen to attend school through other activities such as Girl Scouts, swim lessons, etc. If you homeschool, then you as a family decide how to spend free time. If you send your child to school, you don't. It really is just that simple.

Oh, I don't think I'm worried about other homeschoolers, but it would be nice for him to be able to meet a homeschooling family in which he would percieve as, "normal." This would give him a chance to see that it's not just the whacky super religious types, which basically fit what his stereotype are of HSers. Does that make sense?

As for my DH's free time. The problem is he does not understand that 2-3 yrs from now, our kids will be MUCH more independent. Right now he does help me a lot, esp with meals (in which both kids need to be fed, my toddler is extremely picky and would be happy starving himself if we didn't feed him). He is, "stuck" in this mode of thinking that he will forever have to help me with the kids meals, diaper changes, bathtime, etc.. I have told him before as the kids get older, it gets easier (I mean the tedious activities of daily life)... but he doesn't seem to be able to visualize this. He just sees it as all the work we are having to do with a baby and toddler right now and then ADDING HSing as another responsibility to the list. ITA with you that when you HS, it allows the family much more flexibility. So, it's kind of weird my DH thinks it will be like a ball a chain. I think he is thinking that HSing means you just stay at home all day at a desk and do schoolwork or something.

 

[Linda on the move]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mags Does that make sense?

yes, totally!

Quote:

The problem is he does not understand that 2-3 yrs from now, our kids will be MUCH more independent.

yes -- that was something that I didn't fully realize when my kids were small. There are so many things that you have to do for a baby/toddler that a big kid does for his/herself. It used to be that washing one of my DDs hair was a huge deal and left me exhausted and drained. Now she takes a shower and combs out her hair by herself. All I do is help her with her part -- which takes about 2 seconds.

I think that homeschooling kids who are school aged is a piece of cake compared to taking care of a baby and toddler! I get breaks because my kids go off and do things on their own. They really help around the house, and the *work* of homeschooling is interesting and fun (and if it isn't, you can change the way to do things).

Because my kids homeschool:
1. we can sometimes go with my DH when he takes business trips.
2. we've never spent an evening trying to finish some stupid long term project
3. our kids have stayed up late watching cool documentaries with us on the history channel (they'd have to go to bed if they went to school).
4. we can plan our family vacation when we want to -- which is usually when school is in session so things are less crowded.