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intimidate you.. how and why? I've been going through this with mine for the last 12 years.. I'm still lost and scared of dealing with her.
 

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Not one bit. In fact she's quiet scared of me.<br><br><br>
I sent you a pm<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">
 

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Our family dynamic is that my SIL is the scary intimidating one. It has been really THE HARDEST THING IN MY LIFE. I still cannot figure it out, but I am now on detached limited contact so she cannot hurt/confuse/intimidate/threaten and over all just f#@& me up!! I would be curious how others deal with inlaws. I keep thinking there should be a whole forum on inlaws with how deeply this has affected my life. FYI my nutso SIL is also DH's boss...<br>
What is it about your MIL that is the hardest/scariest? Why do you feel lost?
 

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Bullies usually stand down when you stick up to them. My MIL knows I won't put up with her crap anymore. I either confront her or cut her off for awhile. So she doesn't pull crap as often.
 

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For me, there's a mix of wanting approval and wanting to stake your claim with DH. I know I'm not explaining myself.... but it *is* a complicated situation.
 

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NAK.....In the beginning MIL and SIL were a little off putting, MIL does not have a filter between her brain annd her mouth, & SIL is something of a bigot and disgustingly opinionated but what I learned, rahther early thank the powers that be, was their weeknesses and I tried to figure out where they were coming from emotionally. They are both neurotic, opinionated, loud mouths... things I actually like about them now, in a comical sort of way. You have to make an effort to stand up to her every time you feel intinidated and even if you are unsure of yourself and your voice might be shaky, it is the first step to finding you footing, and it takes praactice and before you know it you will not be afraid of her anymore. She will back down whn she realizes that you can hold your own.
 

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Well, I have only been with DH for 5-6 years, and only married for 3. I noticed that my MIL got to be pushy and controlling once the ring went on my finger (engagement ring). Pushy about wedding plans, etc. My problem is that I want her to like me, so I give into her crap.<br>
Then we got married and got pregnant right away and she got pushy about parenting. Last thanksgiving I finally confronted her on it, and I was told that it is me, not her, and that she would never ever criticize my parenting. She then went on to tell me that the fact that I breastfeed my two year old is "Wrong and icky." and that the only time they would criticize is when we are doing things that would harm us or the baby. She then went on to tell me that that was what I was doing when I resisted a c-section (coerced for fetal macrosomia, I wasn't "allowed" a TOL, it was about a week from the time we were told on the phone that I should have a c-section and the time we actually gave into it and had it scheduled. The entire time DH's family was calling us up to demand why we hadn't had the c-section yet) and it would be what I would be doing if I tried for a VBAC next time. I tried to tell her my point of view (doctor lied to us about risks, etc.) and I got her "Yeah right look" and told me that I really needed my c-section (apparently SIL had a forceps delivery that really screwed her up, this happened after my MIL told the midwife to "do something" because SIL's labor was taking so long).<br>
Anyway, my MIL is controlling and wants everything done her way, just because she thinks she is right, and her way is the best way. I finally told her we should agree to not discuss it.<br>
All I can do is just ignore her (like DH does) and go on doing it my way. She will find herself cut off and receiving minimal information. I just saw her again recently, and things were not as bad. I purposely avoided any hot topic, and ignored her crap. Eventually I think DH will have to tell his family off, especially if they try to interject their opinions when we have our next child. I think he will have to get to his boiling over point though.<br><br>
Good luck.
 
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