[128375]

just curious... i always imagined just finding out...

But, I read that ultra sound waves can be heard by the fetus.. and it would be as loud as the sound of a subway train passing by... that is if the ultra sound monitor thing is placed near the babies ear!!! I'm never heard that! So now I'm kinda rethinking it.

But I always wondered why ppl opt to not find out the sex..

please share

 

[cristeen]

FYI - the u/s wand doesn't have to be placed next to the baby's ear... the baby is encased in water, and soundwaves travel through water just fine.

I don't want to find out the sex, but DH does. I'd much rather be able to discover that myself after delivery. We're still debating that, though. I really just want to go through my pregnancy attaching to this little one without being influenced by sex. I'd also like to avoid the preponderance of blue or pink that comes with finding out early... I don't believe in gender determination by fashion, and actively dislike the idea of little girl babies dressed in ruffley dresses or boys covered in garbage trucks and sports references.

 

[cileag]

I think it's one of life's biggest surprises and I want to have at least one child where we maintain that feeling. I also prefer to attend deliveries where the sex is unknown--I think it's just more fun. There's more of a feeling of anticipation I think, and so I figured I'd do the same.

I've also had more than one family be told one sex, and had a delivery surprise and that I think would be a difficult adjustment.

 

[jimblejamble]

I want as few interventions as possible, I want a surprise, and I do not like the colour pink on baby girls and so I want to avoid that as much as possible. A little bit of pink here and there is okay, but when their onesie, pants, sweater, blanket, car seat cover, pacifier, elastic headband thing, socks, shoes/booties, diaper bag, diaper wipe case, burp cloths, are ALL PINK, I want to gag! Are girls not allowed to wear red, green, brown, yellow, orange, or purple?

 

[sg784]

I dont want to find out b/c...

I want the baby to be the baby until its here then it can be he or she.
I dont *need to know to prepare anything, Ive had one of each, and have boy and girl stuff.
DD wants to be the one who tells everyone what we have
I wanted to be surprised last time but caved b/c DP wanted to know.
I dont anticipate getting an ultrasound, and if for some reason I end up *needing* one I still dont want to know for the above reasons.

 

[larzanna]

For me i am not finding out because i really really want a girl, and if i found out early i know me and would be very sad. But from everything i have heard, when you are in the moment, they could hand you pretty much anything (even a lizard!) and it will be just perfect. I am hoping for really good hormones at that moment!

 

[cristeen]

Quote:

Originally Posted by JessicaRenee Are girls not allowed to wear red, green, brown, yellow, orange, or purple?

Apparently brown for girls is right out! I went clothes shopping with my grandmother and found the cutest little brown outfit with dragons on it... now you have to understand that DH and I are both D&D nerds, so I thought it was PERFECT! She kept insisting that I couldn't put a girl in that.

 

[XanaduMama]

With #2 we had the 20wk anatomical u/s, but chose not to find out the sex. I didn't really want to the first time, either, but dh talked me into it at the last minute.

I just really liked the idea of having a surprise at the moment of birth...and it was indeed an incredible moment--esp since *I* was the one who got to look and make the announcement!

 

[ChaoticMum]

Besides the fact we had/have no choice where we live, I would and did choose not to even when I lived where they would tell because of one big reason.

It is my biggest surprise and I LOVE LOVE LOVE that feeling. With our 3rd it was about 2-3min before we remembered to look - I was just so amazed to see my babe's face for the first time it didn't matter if I had another boy or girl!

 

[Peony]

Not getting an u/s makes it really easy not to find out.

I did get u/s with #1 and still didn't find out. I love the surprise at the end, it really is such an amazing feeling to catch baby and find out for yourself what gender the child is.

#3 can come any second (did you hear that baby?!) and I'm so excited for labor to start so we can find out. It's one of life's few mysteries, I bond just fine with the baby not knowing what it is.

 

[donutmolly]

I have not found out with any of my 3, and my primary reason is because routine ultrasound is not necessary, and the effects of ultrasound are relatively unstudied, so it seems unwise to me to have an ultrasound only to determine the baby's sex.

The fringe benefits are looking forward to finding out whether we have a son or daughter at the moment of birth and not having people make too many comments about the sex of yet-unborn baby (particularly since we have 2 girls, we're not interested in hearing people's "disappointment" if we're having a 3rd).

 

[Norasmomma]

We found out with our DD because we just had to know(I also had to "prove" that my intuition was right

). Plus we didn't know when she'd be coming, so that was a surprise in itself.

This time I am having a scheduled c/s due to some pretty risky complications that make a vbac not an option(don't want to get into it, it's a pretty scary situation). So this time we want some element of surprise, plus I like to not always be in the "box" so to say. EVERYONE seems to find out, so we are being the oddballs. Actually it has made the whole family pretty excited, that is except my G-ma, but her opinion is nothing to me.

 

[clemrose]

Quote:

Originally Posted by XanaduMama I just really liked the idea of having a surprise at the moment of birth...and it was indeed an incredible moment--esp since *I* was the one who got to look and make the announcement!

This is me exactly. When my daughter was born I took her out of my midwife's hands immediately and put her on my shoulder then laid her on the bed, moved the cord out of the way and announced, "She's a girl!" and said her name, which we had kept a secret from everyone. It was wonderful.

And I second what a lot of posters already said--I didn't want to receive just "boy" or just "girl" things as gifts ahead of time.

That being said, another surprise I wasn't expecting was the onslaught of pink we received after the birth. It actually upset me. To me my daughter is a whole wonderful person, not a whole wonderful girl, if that makes sense. The pink everything we were given (by some, not all) felt like people were viewing my daughter as this one dimensional person -- "oh, cute girl" and it really freaked me out. Did anyone else feel that way?

Anyway, this time I feel the same way, about not finding out. And I think that if this baby is a boy I would feel just a strange about receiving all blue with trucks.

oh, and I haven't had (with this or previous preg.), and don't plan on having, any ultrasounds, so the only reason to do so would be to find out.

 

[sunnygir1]

I haven't decided not to find out the sex of the baby. I have decided not to get an ultrasound, for the reason you mentioned and others.

I will not get any screenings, tests, or procedures that I don't feel are necessary and required.

IF my doctor, my midwife, and/or my husband and I are worried about something, AND the outcome of an ultrasound would somehow affect my decisions about pregnancy or birth, I would consider it. If not, it's out.

Same with Doptone...many consider it to be even more invasive than ultrasound. When my membrane ruptured at 34 weeks plus 6 days, and I hadn't felt the baby move since it happened, I was happy to submit to my midwife's Doptone to hear that strong little heartbeat...but not before.

 

[brightonwoman]

One of DH's old high school friends (quite medically-minded btw) doesn't find out with his kids. They told us that they heard about a study that said that if you don't know the sex then labor is shorter because you have that extra anticipation

has anyone else heard that? I sure never have!!!!

For myself, I wouldn't have an extra ultrasound just to find out, but if we do the standard anatomical u/s (which we probably will) then if we can see we will certainly look. For me, I get some gut feelings about who the child is, but with my last one I know I felt that bond really strengthen when I was able to 1-see that my gender-premonition had been right and 2-start calling him by name. During labor I talked to him (by name) a lot and really felt a connection as we worked together to get him out. So I like knowing...and not just for logistical reasons like whether to get pink or blue blankets.

 

[annekh23]

For me, I grew up with a very simple image of finding out the sex on the arrival of the baby, it was just how things were done, I don't really know where I got that image from, I remember a teacher at school having a baby, when I was about 8 and her knowing it was a girl, so I don't think that visual of birth can really have been strongly formed prior to the knowledge that finding out the sex was possible.

I remember debating with my DH about it when we were engaged, one of the things I said then, and hold to know is I wouldn't want to find out the sex, for fear of spoiling that moment when you find out after giving birth. He was all for finding out, but then having seen how he responds if he is aware a surprise is coming up, it's no longer wierd to me that he would feel like that.

Thankfully, I think he was able to understand where I was coming from and has respected that, just like at Christmas, he will try and wrap presents in such away that I couldn't guess easily, even though I generally have to provide a list!

He has never put any pressure on me during pregnancy to find out, our first pregnancy we had routine scans, by the time or our second we'd decided on no scans without medical reason, we ended up having reason, but were in Korea at the time where it is illegal to tell the parents the sex of the baby, though apparently they will usually tell westerners, so we have a bit of a debate going on as to whether what I heard as femur and he heard as female was the tech telling us without thinking to ask, or whether she was simply point out the femur to us. This time around we've not had anything crop up to make us require a scan and the is the first pregnancy I've started to wonder if actually it would be preferable to know the sex and DH is very good at reminding me that there is no medical reason to scan and that if I was making this decision minus crazy hormones I'd be very quick to say that I dislike scanning for purely social reasons!

 

[dawncayden]

Quote:

Originally Posted by brightonwoman One of DH's old high school friends (quite medically-minded btw) doesn't find out with his kids. They told us that they heard about a study that said that if you don't know the sex then labor is shorter because you have that extra anticipation has anyone else heard that? I sure never have!!!!

I haven't heard that study, but thats EXACTLY how I felt

We found out the sex with ds1, and I didn't feel this HUGE need to go through labour and pushing etc.
With ds2, I felt an incredible NEED to meet him and WANT to go through hard labour.

 

[lisa_nc]

I think it would be an amazing experience to find out at the birth. I am actually more excited about how I will find out than I was with my previous pregnancies and the ultrasounds.

I saw a post on this the other day here and one of the girls had great logic about how you get more of what you ask for on your registry. I chuckled about it, but it made total sense. Not why I am doing it, but it reinforced my feelings.

 

[mama24-7]

We're having our third & haven't found out the sex for any of them. I had 2 u/s w/ my older children & don't plan on any more for this baby (I had one around 14 weeks when I was having some spotting & the midwife had trouble getting/keeping the heartbeat). My plan was to have no u/s this time but at that time, it was reassuring to watch that little baby do a pirouette on the screen.

We don't find out pretty much b/c of what dh says about it: there are few really good surprises in life. Why ruin it?

So, we'll wait to see. I'm thinking it's a boy, but that's just b/c most of the people I know who've had a girl & boy as their first two children (doesn't matter the order) whatever the 2nd is, the third is also. My intuition is no help in this area; I was convinced dd was a boy & ds was a girl. So much so w/ ds that when dh asked what the sex was when I was holding him right after he was born, I said I didn't need to look, it was a girl!

Sus

 

[flowers]

We didn't do an ultra-sound for either of our pregnancies so we never even had the option. It was equally fun to wait and torturous!