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Discussion Starter #1
Hope this is ok to post. No mommy-warring please. Just wondering if anyone else been told what I was recently told.<br><br>
Someone told me that I'm a hypocrite for wanting to stay home for a few years and possibly return to work when the kids are older (read: well into elementary school). In her words, "If you're okay with sending a 6-year-old off to school to spend all day with his teachers, then why aren't you okay with a 6-week-old in a daycare center? You're fine with "abandoning" the 6 year old?" She then went off very rudely on how "If you love your babies so much, then I suppose you don't shop in stores either? You have to knit their sweaters yourself, because you can't trust other people to make their clothes. Oh, you go shopping? Then you're a hypocrite."<br><br>
First off, this struck me as very childlike black-and-white thinking because there's either one possibility (work fulltime or SAH for 18 years). Also it surprised me that someone who is also a parent does not see ANY developmental difference between a newborn and a grade-school child. That a 6-week-old is bf'ed but a first-grader doesn't need to be? That the critical bonding happens in the first year? etc. And also, she can't see that wanting to do childcare yourself is different from clothing, food, etc.?<br><br>
I had never heard this "theory" before....has anyone else had this said to them? It seemed rather far-fetched and until then I didn't realize I was doing anything wrong by just taking a few years off. I guarantee that 99.9% of other working moms disagree with it as well.
 

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Wow. Sounds a little bit off the deep end to me.<br><br>
I think that staying home with your kids for any length of time is beneficial. I also think that by the time a child is school-aged they are much more able to handle temporary separation than is a newborn. Newborns have intense needs and they don't understand time. A 6-year-old can have his needs met more easily by others and he can understand to a greater degree that he'll see mom and dad at the end of the day.<br><br>
That whole not buying things at stores is whacked too! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> I love my kids so I spend time with them instead of making everything. Me taking care of them is much more personal that me making clothing for them.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>babylove2007</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7959469"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Hope this is ok to post. No mommy-warring please. Just wondering if anyone else been told what I was recently told.<br><br>
Someone told me that I'm a hypocrite for wanting to stay home for a few years and possibly return to work when the kids are older (read: well into elementary school). In her words, "If you're okay with sending a 6-year-old off to school to spend all day with his teachers, then why aren't you okay with a 6-week-old in a daycare center? You're fine with "abandoning" the 6 year old?" She then went off very rudely on how "If you love your babies so much, then I suppose you don't shop in stores either? You have to knit their sweaters yourself, because you can't trust other people to make their clothes. Oh, you go shopping? Then you're a hypocrite."<br></div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/jaw.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="dropjaw"> How completely immature and offensive. I am impressed that you didn't invite her to place her words somewhere inapproriate for me to say on MDC. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
There is a HUGE difference between a six week old and six month old, (edit: i meant to say six year old here, but its true the other way too.)the bonding that you mention is a great example of that. I don't think you are hypocritical at all. I think that some people just have an all or nothing perspective when it comes to non-mainstream parenting, (You must bf, ap, cloth diaper, sah, eat organic, homeschool, no vaxing, hippie style,etc.) and the moment you decide that an aspect of mainstream parenting is right for you, you are taken as some sort of hypocrite.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">There is a HUGE difference between a six week old and six month old, the bonding that you mention is a great example of that. I don't think you are hypocritical at all. I think that some people just have an all or nothing perspective when it comes to non-mainstream parenting, (You must bf, ap, cloth diaper, sah, eat organic, homeschool, no vaxing, hippie style,etc.) and the moment you decide that an aspect of mainstream parenting is right for you, you are taken as some sort of hypocrite.</td>
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Yeah--I think the person who was saying it is pretty mainstream, but also very cynical about choosing any parenting that is "traditional." So if you choose one aspect (staying at home) then you have to choose it permanently, and do everything else at home too.<br><br>
The refusal to acknowledge developmental differences in kids seemed extreme to me too. I mean, that's not even a mommy-war issue; it's common sense!
 

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Um. Whoa. Not sure how to respond. You are not a hypocrite. I would have walked away from her veeerrrryyyy sloooowwwwllllyyy.... she's a little cuckoo.
 

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she's jealous & lashing out. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"><br>
(or so it comes across)
 

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I've heard some pretty whacked out theories before... from both sides of the coin. But this woman sounds like she's got more going on in her head about her life and her own choices than she's being honest about; and she's projecting those doubts, concerns and fears onto you.<br><br>
Sorry that happened to you. She sounds like she has some issues that she should resolve.... is she a <i>friend</i>? If so, maybe this is something that should/can be addressed.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">Sorry that happened to you. She sounds like she has some issues that she should resolve.... is she a friend? If so, maybe this is something that should/can be addressed.</td>
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Not a close friend. More an online acquaintance who likes to get bitter about A LOT of things related to this issue. her hubby is a SAHD though, so you'd think she'd be more reasonable about this.<br><br>
But thanks all for confirming that I'm not crazy!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Cardinal</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7960073"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Um. Whoa. Not sure how to respond. You are not a hypocrite. I would have walked away from her veeerrrryyyy sloooowwwwllllyyy.... she's a little cuckoo.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br><br>
Sometimes I say stuff like that when I know I'm losing and arguement with dh, but I <i>know</i> it's immature <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/loveeyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Loveeyes">: . Dh calls me on it and I admit it; he does the same thing.<br><br>
A: "'cause I think that's the way it should be!"<br><br>
B: "That's not a valid arguement."<br><br>
A: "I know, d*mmit."<br><br>
B: "Um, yeah. I'm going to do it my way."
 

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Is this person not aware of the differerence between a 6 week old and 6 year old. Most 6 year olds are fine with being away from their parents for a good part of the day. They eat solid food, they are verbal, have reasoning skills....<br><br>
We all know that-I just had to say it.<br><br>
The other stuff is just so off the wall. It makes no sense.
 

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Who is this person? She sounds like a complete lunatic. I'd just nod and smile and go to my happy place and then avoid her in the future. Who needs that kind of crap?????
 

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Birth-5 yrs are the formative years. If she doesnt know that then I wouldnt worry about her opinion. Any amount if time spent home with your kids/baby is beneficial. Thats an idiotic statement IMO.
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Cardinal</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7960073"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I would have walked away from her veeerrrryyyy sloooowwwwllllyyy....</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">:<br><br>
Backwards....<br><br>
-Angela
 

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You're not a hypocrite, and it's not you who's <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>jeannie81</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7963599"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I would have just smiled politely and said "I'm sorry, but I didn't understand a word you just said"</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Cardinal</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7960073"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Um. Whoa. Not sure how to respond. You are not a hypocrite. I would have walked away from her veeerrrryyyy sloooowwwwllllyyy.... she's a little cuckoo.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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Discussion Starter #18
I love the comeback replies!! You ladies are hilarious! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>alegna</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7963326"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">:<br><br>
Backwards....<br><br>
-Angela</div>
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<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">: again!<br><br>
I went grocery shopping today. Color me hypocritical because I didn't stock away a year's worth of food at harvest time! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>babylove2007</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7960509"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">her hubby is a SAHD though, so you'd think she'd be more reasonable about this.</div>
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Huh? Her rant makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, especially given this fact. Unless her dh also grows all their food & makes their clothing. ??? Maybe she was having a bad day.
 
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