Oh my. Where to start? Well...let's just say that it's been a tough, tough six months in our house for DS...with lots of transitions and such.
DS all of a sudden, in February(?) he started hitting and pushing and getting this horrible tense/angry thing going on. Here is what I've deduced and other random thoughts.
--He is fine at home with us now (when it started he was hitting us too) and can often articulate his anger or is VERY easily redirected.
--Had to be taken out of preschool because he could not stop hurting other kids (biting, pushing, headbutting, hitting with hard objects).
--His first reaction to a kid is to say "go away" and hold his hand out and get VERY ANGRY and possessive. (Before all this he was a pushover, if anything.) He escalates things by running up and trying to take their toys away too.
--He never hits or hurts the baby. He does get overly excited with him, but I'm always right there, so it's easily redirected. He always talks about loving the baby.
--He calls himself a bad guy. He always says that he had a "rough day" if *anything* happened during the day where he hit/pushed/hurt someone.
--He only remembers the bad things from the day. Me: "what was something you liked about school today". Him: "I did not like it when K snatched from me...I did not like it when we went outside b/c it was cold...etc". This is with everything that happens in the day. We can have four great hours at the zoo with one "bad" incident at the playground and that is the only part he'll recount later.
--Once he is in tense/angry mode it's hard for him to release out of it.
--Once he's had a bad experience with someone or something he doesn't want to try again.
--If I show him a fun way to interact with a kid that he's ready to maul, he will usually get really into the "fun" play (as long as the kid is also playing nicely).
--I tend to get angry with him for being angry. It's so hard to be "nice" about his anger. It just pisses me off to see him alienate all his "friends". Obviously I also fixate on the bad.
--His imaginative play (by himself) has been come more 'fighty'. The cars are crashing. The figures are fighting. The senarios are repetative and angry sounding. He has always played well by himself for long periods and continues to do so.
--He has multiple allergies, so he has been on the exact same diet for about eight months now...no changes at all during this "rough patch" because I haven't wanted to mess with the variables (can you tell I'm a scientist?).
--We don't do time outs. Just removal from situations. I do tend to be rougher with words and movement that I want lately. In other words, I've been reduced to yelling at him (screaming once or twice when I was really frustrated at him for hitting his friends). And I have yanked him up and away rather harshly when I'm trying to remove him from a situation.
Can anyone help me out? Give me a game plan? Suggest something (diagnosis, books, therapies, etc) that might put the pieces together. Something that I'm not seeing?
I feel defeated. Like my son will never make friends and will hate people and life. My husband and I both have some anger issues, but no problems with socializing, so this is hard for me. I'm thankful that he's good with us at home, but going out with other kids is painful nowadays. I want my sweet, social boy back!!
DS all of a sudden, in February(?) he started hitting and pushing and getting this horrible tense/angry thing going on. Here is what I've deduced and other random thoughts.
--He is fine at home with us now (when it started he was hitting us too) and can often articulate his anger or is VERY easily redirected.
--Had to be taken out of preschool because he could not stop hurting other kids (biting, pushing, headbutting, hitting with hard objects).
--His first reaction to a kid is to say "go away" and hold his hand out and get VERY ANGRY and possessive. (Before all this he was a pushover, if anything.) He escalates things by running up and trying to take their toys away too.
--He never hits or hurts the baby. He does get overly excited with him, but I'm always right there, so it's easily redirected. He always talks about loving the baby.
--He calls himself a bad guy. He always says that he had a "rough day" if *anything* happened during the day where he hit/pushed/hurt someone.
--He only remembers the bad things from the day. Me: "what was something you liked about school today". Him: "I did not like it when K snatched from me...I did not like it when we went outside b/c it was cold...etc". This is with everything that happens in the day. We can have four great hours at the zoo with one "bad" incident at the playground and that is the only part he'll recount later.
--Once he is in tense/angry mode it's hard for him to release out of it.
--Once he's had a bad experience with someone or something he doesn't want to try again.
--If I show him a fun way to interact with a kid that he's ready to maul, he will usually get really into the "fun" play (as long as the kid is also playing nicely).
--I tend to get angry with him for being angry. It's so hard to be "nice" about his anger. It just pisses me off to see him alienate all his "friends". Obviously I also fixate on the bad.
--His imaginative play (by himself) has been come more 'fighty'. The cars are crashing. The figures are fighting. The senarios are repetative and angry sounding. He has always played well by himself for long periods and continues to do so.
--He has multiple allergies, so he has been on the exact same diet for about eight months now...no changes at all during this "rough patch" because I haven't wanted to mess with the variables (can you tell I'm a scientist?).
--We don't do time outs. Just removal from situations. I do tend to be rougher with words and movement that I want lately. In other words, I've been reduced to yelling at him (screaming once or twice when I was really frustrated at him for hitting his friends). And I have yanked him up and away rather harshly when I'm trying to remove him from a situation.
Can anyone help me out? Give me a game plan? Suggest something (diagnosis, books, therapies, etc) that might put the pieces together. Something that I'm not seeing?
I feel defeated. Like my son will never make friends and will hate people and life. My husband and I both have some anger issues, but no problems with socializing, so this is hard for me. I'm thankful that he's good with us at home, but going out with other kids is painful nowadays. I want my sweet, social boy back!!
