I just don't know where to go from here, and "this too shall pass" isn't working for me here. Dd2 is 9 weeks now and from the first moment on the breast this bf relationship has been difficult for us. She just doesn't stay latched on well and my breasts hurt so much. Yes, I've seen LC's and I now have a breast shield, which sucks and makes her latch even worse seemingly. Also, I've had thrush at week 3 after the baby was born and now we seem ok with that. For now.
It takes several tries to latch her on, while her little hands move about, she accidentally scratches my nipple and I'm already frustrated before I latch her on. And then, when she's finally latched on, her lower lip gets sucked in and ends up at the edge of my nipple instead of on the outer edge of the dark part of my nipple. I end up pushing her head towards my breast to keep her latch from hurting me, but her lips still slips towards my nipple anyway. My nipples are pink/red and burn as soon as she latches on. Only once or twice did she have an open latch and stayed there like that, relaxed in my arms and I thought: this is how it's supposed to be! Aha! That doesn't feel bad. And then the next time it didn't work again.
The worst part for me is that I actually can't stand bf anymore and I get frustrated and angry about it now, and I find myself delaying the moment of latch-on, somewhat unconsciously, as I realize that I'm giving her a paci way too often now to soothe her. Don't flame me, I know it's not "right" to give her a paci when she is hungry instead and in fact it doesn't work, she always spits it out anyway. She knows better!
She is a super healthy 12 lbs baby and her sweet temperament and kind nature make me forget how difficult the bf is until I have to latch her on again.
The breast shield sucks, as it leaks and makes her latch smaller, which is the problem to begin with. And the LC's have suggested various positions, pretty much all of which don't work because of her latch. I also find myself checking her latch every few moments, and I'm almost obsessed with checking it. Poor baby. really. I wish things were easier. My dd1 had such a good latch and we had no problem, except that even back then I didn't enjoy bf, but we made it til 11 months. Dd2 is only 9 weeks and I'm thinking about switching to pumping full-time. It's soo much more work though, plus she doesn't bond with me when bottle fed, none of the sweet, happy smiles that she gives me after bf. She takes the bottle ok, which I find myself doing more often. Oh, her latch was bad before I introduced the bottle! In fact her latch has stayed the same and the bottle didn't change a thing. She now gets a bottle once every 2 days to give my boobs a break.
I'm so stressed about this. I can barely bf in public, since it's so tricky.
I hate the feeling of sucking on my breasts now and dh hasn't been able to touch my breasts for months and as far as I'm concerned, that's just fine. But I know I'm missing something here and I have some healing to do about this, but I don't even know how or where to begin. At this point I'd much rather have no breasts at all.