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how ridiculous is this....<br><br>
I have a friend (known since i was 10 so 17 years) who, along with her dh, are very possessive of their friends. let's call them c and g. there is a small group of us (about 4 couples) who regularly will get together, always at c & g's house or somewhere that they decide. we all met through c & g, none of us knew each other before them.<br><br>
so here's the thing....most of us get along better with each other than we do with c & g. (c & g can be very superficial, jealous, and sometimes quite bland to be around - same restaurants all the time, never really interested in good conversation, but they really do mean well when they are looking past themselves, and they have gotten better since they became parents). often times we would rather get together without c & g and just with others in the group that we have things in common with.<br><br>
tonight, my dh and i "cheated" on c & g with another of the couples. we had a really nice dinner together and it was very refreshing to do something without "the circle." but, we can't tell c & g that we did this or they would be very upset. so third grade, huh?<br><br>
what would you do? keep this a secret from c & g so they do not get upset, jealous, their feelings hurt, etc? tell them that we had dinner and to "get over it?" or what??? we plan on "seeing" our friends without c & g again soon, and all this "sneaking around" could backfire, kwim?<br><br>
okay, recess is over, time to get back to class!
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/biglaugh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="laugh">:<br><br>
this is so silly.<br><br>
just be open about it. if they want to cut off contact because of such a petty thing, are they really worth being friends with?
 

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I have a friend that introduced us to a friend of hers, and when we talked with her friend without her knowing at first, she got reeeeeeal pissed. I thought it was <b>very</b> petty, personally, but she got over it eventually. I agree with klothos: if they end up wanting to stop being your "friends", then you're better off without them. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1">
 

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I think their anger may be due to fear of rejection. They don't want to lose you as friends and they probably feel hurt that you don't include them since you have been friends for so long. So I wouldn't tell them, but I'd probably just keep seeing the other couple.<br><br>
We have a kind of similar situation and I worry about how the other couple might feel. It is kind of a strange situation, but basically my husband and this a coworker transferred cross country to a new facility. Since we didn't know anyone else in CA, we started doing stuff with the coworker and his partner, especially celebrating holidays. Then 3 of the guys my husband worked with got laid off and moved to NV. My husband ended up quitting his job 6 months later and we moved to NV too. Interestingly enough three of us live in the same neighborhood! For the last 2 years we've all celebrated Thanksgiving and Christmas together, sometimes the 3 families and sometimes with the 4th couple too. But now the original couple wants to exclude the 3rd couple. OK, this numbering scheme probably doesn't make any sense, huh?<br><br>
I'm supposed to have Thanksgiving dinner at my house, and I don't really want to invite the other family because that will turn a simpler meal into a bigger deal. But I don't want to hurt them by not inviting. I'd rather invite them and feel more stress than feel the stress of knowing they were hurt by me not including them. But it is always possible they wouldn't take it personally at all. Sigh, what to do, what to do.
 

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LOL<br>
How sad is this, but I know of that exact situation.<br><br>
I can tell you that I was being kind when I referred to the jealous friend as "Superficial, bland, etc"<br><br>
I wouldn't mention it, unless it comes up. There is not any reason for them to be jealous. Just act SHOCKED :drop if they react jealously when its brought up. Maybe make them see how silly they are being!<br><br>
Katie
 

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I'd mention it just in conversation, like *Oh the waiter was so funny the other night when we went out with so and so*, whatever blah blah. Maybe even do somethign like invite her to go to something in the same breathe. It is dumb that people have to work out these scenarios in their head, but the truth is that people are freakin so self-centered they can't see past the end of their nose. So then for people like us, we want to make sure they don't get hurt by our actions.
 

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c&g sound kinda controlling (probably out of insecurity) I would just tell them casually that you went out with the other couple. Not in the "i have to tell you something" kind of way.
 

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I had a friend like this in high school. I finally got out of her clutches when I left for college after years of frustration. I joined back up with her after college, only to find she hadn't matured at all, and I finally had to ditch her for the sake of my own sanity. We still talk a little socially, but aren't at all close.<br><br>
PPs are right about it being about control. She wanted to feel like *she* was the most popular person, and that she was taking folks like me on as "projects" because we weren't good enough to make friends on our own, so she was being charitable by being our friends. If we went out together without her, that meant that maybe we *were* good enough to be friends without her intervention, and that knocked her down a peg. *She* got to "name" our social group. She got to decide who got invited to parties. God forbid I should find a friend without her help, she'd knock herself out to make that person *her* friend first and foremost. And, she never once said to me "You're my best friend,"... but she often said "I'm YOUR best friend."<br><br>
I say you tell them, casually, that ya'll went out. If they blow up... let the chips fall where they may. It doesn't sound like you'll be all that lost if these folks do become angry at you. It's not like you'll have to lose touch with the other folks in the social circle just because they get their panties in a knot.
 

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You know, this happened to me. I introduced two of my favorite people and *POOF* they both disappeared. Haven't talked to them in over a year. It makes me sad, but, hey, if they didn't really want to be friends with me, then... screw 'em. I'm just that good. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">
 
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