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I'm exhausted

845 Views 4 Replies 4 Participants Last post by  nolonger
Got a call from ds after just falling asleep last night. He wanted me to come get him. He's 18, living on his own and going to community college. He's a really good kid, but he has Aspberger's syndrome and OCD. He's somewhat mild in those but they've been blossoming only since about age 14 although it started with the DPT vaccination (including bouts of serious depression). He doesn't experience emotion the way most people do. He thinks in logic and patterns, not feelings. He had eaten mushrooms and my dh and I were going to bring him home, but he was so disoriented I took him to the hospital. I knew if I fell asleep at home, he'd wander out the door and get run over or something...They were so nice there and basically, they just had us all wait it out. He wasn't crazy or wild or anything, just really disoriented and non-functional. He was calm and happy and totally compliant. He lay there and kept asking his own name, what time it was, and could we go take a walk now....

The problem for me was - he's happy and much more "normal" on drugs than he is off them. He feels emotion, he's not depressed, he doesn't THINK THINK THINK all the flippin' time so he can function; he just "lives."

I thought it might last a little. I hoped he might keep some part of himself who can be mentally relaxed, not need the patterns so much. But at about 330 am, he was back, arguing his logic again, analyzing the experience for meaning, making plans for being able to control himself and his life without any help from the outside. I'm exhausted and mourning the loss of a son I can't help. He won't see anyone or take any vitamins that nourish the brain and lessen the OCD; he's got it all under control. He's not depressed NOW so he denies depression as being a part of himself....They let him go when they felt he was not a danger to himself. We took him to his place because he was fine, safety-wise.

I think I'd like to go to the Aspberger's support group in town. They are a great group and ds went once, but dh doesn't get home in time with the car after work so I can go. Ds won't go to the Autism center and get tested for anything, including seeing if he's a candidate for chelation. It's exhausting not to be able to help, to hold him all night and think - aha, now I've got my little boy back and now I can help - but in the morning he's an adult, and functional, and there's nothing I can do.

He feels terrible for doing such a stupid thing. He's not defiant to be defiant, like a normal teen. He simply logically justifies his position and then goes about his business. I just don't want there to be a next time....

Thanks for listening. I know many of you will have suggestions, but you have to understand, there's nothing I can do to "make" him see the light. He's always right (in the moment) in his mind, and not egotistically, but simply right because that's the way the world appears for him. It's not something he chooses and therefore something he can identify and change. But thanks for listening. Sorry to bum you out, but I can't talk to dh anymore, he feels helpless as it is.
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Once they hit 18, things change, don't they? If he is logical and like to analyze away try to reach him that way. How you reach him that way I am not sure. Find info for him, college class that deals with child dev, maybe try to get him in touch with someone else who has the same thing and is dealing with it in a healthy way...

It is too bad you can't get to the support group where you live. Have you tries any Yahoo groups or the like? Or maybe even cross posting here" - the only down side with that forum is most the moms on their have younger kids but there are some with older kids and even the occasinal Aspeger's kid/adult. Either way, they more have some good links and the like.
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well, he obviously doesn't believe anything is "wrong" with him, or that he needs to be "fixed." i would treat him like any other kid... ie, if he's happy, let him be. however, if he does more of this midnight stuff, let him know that there will be a consequence, perhaps that you will both see a counselor together about how to deal with future situations. if he hears that chelation or drugs or therapy might help, from SOMEONE ELSE, he might receive it better than from his own parent.

my 18yo is giving me headaches, too... i totally understand the desire to return to the days where holding him made everything better! just rips your heart out... but we have to trust that they are gonna be OK without us. it's so hard, though...

good luck, mama!
Thanks for your support and understanding words. I loved seeing the hug icon. I felt it! Ds did come by today. He had slept and I fed him. He seemed fine, but you know, there are always the worries that they are just plain stupid!
And I can't say I didn't do just as stupid things in my day. It's just that my parents didn't know, and they never had to pay the bills for it! And I did just hold him for most of the night. He wanted me to and it felt wonderful to hold him whatever the reason. Maybe it's just hard to go back to having a (sort of) adult son after having my baby in my arms all smiling (no duh, on mushrooms!) and happy.
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Thank you for posting; I don't really have much to say except that I am so worried that it might be too late to build the trust with my 17yo that you have obviously built with your ds. It was very helpful for me to read about how you handled the mushroom incident.

Your son is lucky to have you for a Mom.
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