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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I want to have a HB and my husband is dead set against it. I am really starting to resent this. He is more open to having one with the next baby, but, we never know if the next pregnancy will be as easy/problem free as this one. So far, everything has been easy. the only potential problem is that I have fibroids, so I will get an u/s right before I deliver to make sure they aren't on my cervix.<br>
I need to know that it is my choice, but, I am part of a family/partnership...sigh.<br>
I will regret it for the rest of my life if I can not have a HB. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">s Mama.<br><br>
Why is he so set against it? If it is safety, there are studies done by OB's that show planned homebirths for low risk women are safer than hospital births. If it is money(insurance paying vs. out of pocket), lots of homebirth practitioners have sliding scales and payment plans. Our midwife also takes work trades.<br><br>
Will he go interview homebirth providers with you? Often men are swayed by the reassuring(to them) sight of medical looking gear, such as resuscitation(sp?) equip, iv equip, etc.<br><br>
Something else that sways some men is the analogy that I think Ina May relates in her Guide to Childbirth. A childbirth educator puts a bowl on the floor during a childbirth class in the middle of a group of people. She holds up a fifty dollar bill, and says that she will give it to the first man who will go to the bathroom in the bowl. In all her years of teaching classes, she has never once had to hand out the money. She then explains how childbirth is more private than using the bathroom. Some men get how private birth is after hearing this analogy.<br><br>
Also, what would make him more comfortable with hb for your next birth?
 

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Is it possible for you two to reach a compromise? Maybe a birth center or hospital w/midwife?<br><br>
As much as I wanted a homebirth, it just doesn't work for my family this time around. I did need time to grieve the loss of the experience, but in the end I can't regret any birth that results in a child in my arms. I'm doing everything I can (mainly educating myself, but also possibly hiring a doula) to ensure that my hospital experience is healthy and positive.<br><br>
I hope you and your husband can find some common ground. It would be sad if either one of you was unhappy with the circumstances under which your baby was born.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Well, first of all, this board is to blame for me wanting a HB. I wouldn't have gotten these crazy ideas elsewhere. :LOL<br>
So, I didn't start out wanting one, but, the idea has been growing on me a lot.<br>
We had a mw in the hospital last time, and at the time she did do HBs. Now she doesn't. We will also have a doula. Which is great.<br>
I think what is important to me is knowing I have a choice about things which is why I went with a MW in the first place, so knowing that my husband is keeping me from having a choice is driving me crazy. I must have my way, unless God or nature intend otherwise.
 

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Popping over from the june board to say my dh was sooooo against it. Before I got pregnant with this one we had talked about it and he said no way. Why chance it, the first and second births were fine in the hospital blah blah blah. When I found out I was pregnant, I told him I was making an appointment to go talk about a homebirth, and all I wanted was for him to agree to just talking. We left the office with him saying he was sold <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"> I was shocked. I think a lot of husbands have fears that need to be addressed. I would have never in a million years thought my dh would go for it! Keep talking with him, show research, go talk to a midwife. Good luck mama!
 

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Charm~<br>
There are also some good treads on this in the Homebirth forum. I think having dh meet with a midwife might lay some of his worries to rest. I have heard this works for many women. I hope it works out for you. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2">
 

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<div style="font-style:italic;">I will regret it for the rest of my life if I can not have a HB. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"></div>
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You <i>can</i> decide not to have this point of view. You can decide to be positive and on board with your husband.<br><br>
It's only natural for him to feel protective of you, whatever the reasons. He's the one who would be left behind if something (God forbid) were to happen. He is on your side -- he loves you dearly.<br><br>
FWIW, my DH is not on board with a HB, although he's comfortable with a birth center. Things got a little dicey last time and he still has a bit of fear left over. If roles were reversed, I can't say I wouldn't feel the same way that he does.
 

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clearly you guys need to have some serious talks about this and find out what exactly is causing him to be resistant when you obviously feel this strongly about it. I understand the poster who said you can choose not to feel like you're going to regret this forever but at the same time I think he could choose to be on side with you.... I think you really need to communicate on this and possibly see if he could talk to a hb mw and see if she can help him to feel more secure with this....<br>
Is this likely to be your last pg?<br><br>
edited to add:<br>
We were both SURE we did not want a HB last time. Clearly planned a hosptial one. Well we ended up with a HB when Silas came sooner than we thought. It all worked out and we're choosing a hb this time but honestly I would NOT have chosen one had the decision not been made for me last time....<br>
It can be a lot of unknowns and that can be really scary
 

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Charmcitymama, how are things going? Have you had further discussions? How are you feeling?
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Beanbean,<br>
I don't have the energy to bring it up with him. We are taking a birthing class from Birthing from Within, so I HOPE that he is somewhat convinced after that.<br>
He definitely understands the importance of a MW vs an OB (I know some are good, but, in general, they freak me out), but, we still have a way to go.
 

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Yay, I'm glad you're taking a Birthing From Within class! (I teach classes based on BFW so I'm maybe a teensy bit biased in favor of them.) Through the class you and your DH will get to face a lot of your worries, beliefs, and expectations head-on. It should facilitate discussion without you having to instigate the topic - which you're right, it takes a lot of energy to do and honestly, who has excess energy right now? Not me! Hope you enjoy the classes.<br><br>
Carol
 
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