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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Does anyone else ever get this?<br><br>
It's mostly my parents who have started saying this a lot recently.<br>
It takes about 45 minutes to get to their house. DS usually sleeps the whole way there and then wakes up when I'm taking him out of the car seat. So he's just waking up, he's in a different place, and he really just needs some a few quiet minutes alone with mommy. But of course, my mom wants to grab him out of my arms the minute I walk in the door. And then if he starts crying, it's because he's spoiled.
 

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Best advice: Do Not Engage. Smile sweetly and walk away. "This works for us" if you absolutely have to respond. Repeat over and over. Do Not Engage. They'll drop it.
 

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"Don't ever call my baby a name EVER again. You are the one who is lacking manners and there is nothing wrong with my baby or my parenting at all."
 

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Another good comeback "Good! I'm trying to spoil him." (Said with a big smile, of course.)<br><br>
What you really need to do, IMO, is have a gentle talk with your mom and explain that the baby needs some time to warm up. Yes, she's the grandma and grandmas are special, but she's not Mommy. Babies who have just woken up need the comfort of somebody they're 100% familiar with- then, after half an hour or so, he'll be ready to go play with Grandma.
 

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In our family we either grin widely and say "Yup" or look very confused, sniff baby and say "he doesn't smell spoiled..." We get this all the time cause our daughter only sleeps while being held. Personally, if anyone is spoiled it's us parents. We don't fight our child's natural needs and are spoiled by our happy children.
 

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I love what the PP wrote! I am going to go cut and paste this and share it with my family...Hopefully DH can disseminate it out to his MIL who calls our 7mo old dd "bossy" when she cries. It drives me crazy.
 

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my grandma and grandpa use to do this to my mom with us as kids. the best advice my mom has now is- stand your ground! she always has told us that if she acts like this that we need to speak up because she use to hate it when her mom and dad would do it!<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">s
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>midnightmommy</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/14722022"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">sniff baby and say "he doesn't smell spoiled..."</div>
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I love this! When we took DS back east, a lot of DH's family asked, "Is he spoiled yet?" I didn't know what to say, and wish I had this comeback on hand! I still don't understand how you "spoil" a three month old!!!
 

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My Mom and GMom say this ALL THE TIME! It drives me crazy! And my mom knows it drives me crazy so she will say..."I know this drives you crazy...but he is spoiled!" Sigh...I just ignore it. But my mom has come a long way in the AP department...yesterday she told me that a co worker of hers just had a baby and said mother and said father are using a stopwatch to time the NB baby while he eats (formula), sleeps (in a crib) etc... This broke my heart and this could totally become an entire post about how and why it breaks my heart...but my Mom said she felt like this was extreme and is going to VERY gently offer suggestions to said mother...sigh.
 

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Ohhh I hate when we get to family's house and they are all grabby and in Liam's face.... Luckily he is pretty ok with it now, he loves the attention. But when he was younger he would just scream from all of the overstimulation. Could you sit in the car and nurse him for a few minutes before you go into your family's house?<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> It will pass, don't worry... I am hoping to not get any 'spoiled' comments tomorrow from my family who don't agree with cosleeping and extended breastfeeding.. cuz you know, DS is much too old to be sleeping with mommy and still nursing at the old age of 15 months.. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll">
 

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I used to get defensive and ramble off stats and research about how you can't 'spoil' a baby, but now I just smile and 'no, he just needs his mom for a little bit...'. But what really got me was the other day my ds wouldn't go to a family member and her response was, 'he's just so close to his mom...'. I didn't respond to it, but, REALLY?!?!? Compared to a 5 mo that's NOT close to his mom?!?
 

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lol, reminds me of when I was showing off the organic bumgenius I have for ds, and said, "look at this! he's so spoiled, he pees in organic cotton!" (very tongue in cheek) And she said, well what really makes him spoiled is he gets to drink breastmilk! And my reply was, "Nah, thats not spoiling him! Thats a baby's right!"
 

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Comebacks are nice...but I try to prevent this sort of thing as much as I can.<br><br>
In your case, I might consider stopping off somewhere within about 5 minutes of your parents'. You can get your baby out, play with him a bit, feed him, and then arrive with him rested and ready to go. It's easier on everyone that way. I always try to set my kids up for success as much as I can. It gives me credibility when my children seem to be calm and happy, and it gives my children a chance to be confident and at their best when met with change/something new.<br><br>
Just a thought.
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>midnightmommy</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/14722022"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Personally, if anyone is spoiled it's us parents. We don't fight our child's natural needs and are spoiled by our happy children.</div>
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i quoted you on FB. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"> love it!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">
 

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Two of my personal faves:<br><br>
Food spoils; children don't.<br><br>
Children are spoiled by things, NOT by LOVE!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1">
 

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I just finished reading Attached at the Heart...one of my favorite quotes was talking about how spoiling something is depriving it of the conditions it needs to survive. So if I go shopping, leave my chicken out overnight and don't remember till the next day at lunchtime it has definitely spoiled. I have deprived it of refrigeration. It is now bad.<br><br>
Going to the inlaws and letting my daughter sit in my arms and become accustomed to her new surroundings is providing her with the comfort she needs; therefore not spoiling.
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
Thanks for all the suggestions.<br><br>
When we went to my parents house for Thanksgiving we sat in the backseat of the car for about 10 minutes and just nursed and had some quiet wake up time. By the time we went inside he was awake and happy and playful and it worked out really well. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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I honestly don't let the word 'spoiled' get to me. People say my son is spoiled and I say yea he sure is and I totally have no problem with it <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">.
 
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