Mothering Forum banner
1 - 20 of 22 Posts

· Registered
Joined
·
2,147 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm pregnant.

With tears in my eyes I'm excited but heartbroken at the same time. It really is bittersweet.

My second son was born in August and died 12 hours after his birth. This little one is due just a week or two before my son's birthday.

I'm feeling so urpy and bloated. I'm tired and really emotional. I don't know if the emotions are from the pregnancy hormones or from my grief. I think it is a lot of both.

We were supposed to be done having children. Our two boys were it for us. We were so excited about having another baby. Our 4 yo was beyond thrilled at being a big brother. Our son's death has hit us all hard. We miss him dearly. Everyone keeps commenting on how well we are handling it. What does that mean? We don't have a choice but to go on and be a great family for our 4 yo and for each other. Trust me, I wish the world would stop turning for just one minute but it doesn't.

We haven't told our 4yo yet and probably won't until I start showing. Waiting another nine months for a sibling will be hard for him. He still talks about his brother a lot and makes comments about how he doesn't want me or DH to die, etc. He is still processing his brother's death. I don't want to add any anxiety to it for him. Anyone in those shoes before? How did your other kids handle it?

We knew that having another baby would be emotional no matter if we waited a year or not. I'm not getting any younger and we wanted our children to be closer in age (we thought 4 years was a good spread but now it's going to be at least 5 and that's got to be okay). We decided to start trying again and see what happens. Well, it happened right away, first try. We were a little shocked but excited. Not to mention nervous and at moments not sure how to feel because as others have said - the rose colored glasses are off and we know that pregnancies don't always end happily ever after.

Thanks for letting me share. I'm just getting used to the idea again and have just told a couple of people. It was a little harder than I thought. Putting it in writing helps.

We really are looking forward to another child. I wish I could fast forward and just have him/her home safe and sound with us. The next nine months will be a journey, that's for sure.
 

· Registered
Joined
·
1,872 Posts
FIRST!
: I'm so happy for you!

Now.. it is bittersweet.. I can relate to all of your post (besides the preggers part! so far..hehe) My girl is almost 3 and talks about her baby brother all the time! I wonder when we'll tell her about another pregnancy too.. she's already waited so long! Then I think if we tell her.. will she just think that all babies never get to come home? we also thought the perfect distance was 3 years and now we're stuck waiting at least another year! YUCK! it sucks!
As for people saying how well you're handling it.. we get that too! I wonder the same thing.. what is that supposed to mean? The world doesn't stop! It's not like we WANT to have to handle this.. we weren't given a choice in the matter. I 'think' they mean it as a compliment though.. but it's one of those things that people just say without really thinking about how it sounds to us.

Anyways momma! I'm really really happy for you! I just love when a fellow loss momma gets pregant! It gives me so much hope! I can't wait to join you!
 

· Registered
Joined
·
1,107 Posts
You've both said all the things I'm feeling too ... conceiving new life will be bittersweet.

But Cheshire,
:
:
: for your speedily conceived little bean.
 

· Registered
Joined
·
2,480 Posts
Aww sweetie - you know, that is wonderful. May you b bountiful with life and love, because you are a GODDESS of life and no matter what has happened before, this is what you can do - this is your gift as a woman. I am so very happy for you that you're pregnant - I expect there'll to a ton of things you'll have to deal with and lots of issues that will arise emotionally, at first at the very least - but stay here, hang out, and we will ALL help you through it and we'll make sure to remnd you as well, to enjoy the new life inside you as much as you possibly can.

*HUGE, ENORMOUS hugs and much love to you* You deserve this new life!XXXXX
 

· Registered
Joined
·
53 Posts
Aw, a peaceful congratulations. It's so hard, isn't it? We lost our daughter after 12 short hours too, and conceived 2 weeks before her first birthday. It was hard, emotional for sure. I called my best friend and said (and I quote) "So I'm just going to put this out there... I just took a positive pregnancy test... DON'T say congratulations, and DON'T freak out!" It was so hard to know how to feel. I really just walked around on autopilot for quite some time. It's not something many women have experienced, and there is no manual to grief and folding in hope. I remember wanting desperately to be hopeful, and feeling guilty at the prospect of hope... like I was forgetting my daughter, moving on, etc... It's a long road, but made somewhat more manageable with good company.
Glad you're here.
 

· Registered
Joined
·
190 Posts
I'm happy for you, Cheshire. I'm with you on all the conflicting feelings. I'm 9 weeks along and still feeling like it's not quite real, even though I've seen a heartbeat. It's going to be so different this time around, but we'll find ways to integrate our lost babies into our lives.
 

· Registered
Joined
·
43 Posts
Cheshire.... I know exactly how you feel right now. You even said some words that have come out of my mouth. We lost our daughter on July 28th, and I am now 9 weeks along with a due date of July 18th. Insane isn't it. Know that you are not alone in this....I am just as scared. PM me if you ever want to talk.
How far along are you?
 

· Registered
Joined
·
2,147 Posts
Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Thanks everyone! According to my LMP I'm seven weeks. I had an ultrasound last week at six weeks and was measuring five weeks. The doc (a specialist) wasn't worried. I've only had two periods since my son's birth so my cycle isn't perfect. I've never measured behind, so we'll see. My symptoms are pretty strong so I feel like things are going well.

I have another appt next week with my new OB. I'm going to ask for another measurement and to see if we can see a HB.

The specialist said he didn't see any reason this wouldn't be a normal pregnancy. I've got to watch my blood sugar - I had GD with my last pregnancy. I controlled it with diet so I'm hoping to do the same again this time.

I hate having to find new care providers. I have a number of reasons but one of the big ones is that I don't want to deliver at the same hospital. I don't think I could go back after what happened. With this new OB I can deliver at the hospital where I had my first son. It is a great hospital, too, (we have two nice choices in town).

I've told a few close friends. My old boss had some great advice - he said "be positive and keep things separate." Pretty insightful, made me stop and think about it which I need.

I'm glad we have this forum. I don't want to post to the August 09 DDC. I was just in the August 08 DDC. I don't want to freak anyone out or make them uncomfortable. Ya know?
 

· Registered
Joined
·
1,872 Posts
I hope your new OB's take good care of you Chesire! AND that you get the see the heartbeat next week!
 

· Registered
Joined
·
1 Posts
My son was due next month, but came in September. I'm pregnant again, and due close to the time in which I began having problems. So I too understand the irony and fear that you have about overlapping dates and reliving the same time scale. I have changed OB's and definately do not want to return to the same hospital.

Your emotions are completely normal. No matter who you are and which baby number your on, it will always be emotional to go through a pregnancy after having a loss. I would advise you not to say anything until your growing belly is obvious. It may be a bit exciting for you and your hubby -- to share a special secret.
 

· Registered
Joined
·
2,147 Posts
Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Went to the doc today and things look good. We saw a little blob with a great, fast heartbeat.

I'll go back in a month and then in late January we'll go to the perinatologist and get a good look at the placenta and cord. I'm keeping my hopes up that this placenta will implant high in my uterus and not low again.
:
 

· Registered
Joined
·
207 Posts
just wanted to say congrats. it is hard to wait. we lost our 2nd DD when 1st DD was 25m old, and she prayed every day for a baby brother until we got pregnant this past summer. Guess who's getting a baby brother in a few months


So she's 4 now (just turned a week ago) and even though i wanted closer spacing (25m), this is ok-as you said, it has to be, right? she has grieved, its' been so hard to watch her grieve, but we've found ways to help her and in turn, help ourselves. for example she just did a dance in december @ her recital, with her teacher, to Held by Natalie Grant, which is our Catti song-it's about a baby dying. She loves that she got to dance for her sister, it's so special and a great way to honor her.

Anyway, good luck to you, pregnancy after loss is definitely...just a big, hot mess LOL Not all negative, but just very intense is how I've found it.

*hugs*
 
1 - 20 of 22 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top