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I have had three successful pregnancies, this is my first miscarriage. This was to be the first child for DH and I.
It's very early, I'm not even 5 weeks along. I got a positive test a week ago. I woke up this morning with some spotting, but didn't get alarmed because I've had this happen previously. I went back to bed, somewhat delirious from a bad nights sleep, full of cranky toddlers.
Woke up a couple hours later to pee again and had bright red blood. I knew, right away. This pregnancy hadn't felt "right" from the get-go, but I chalked it up to things being "different" this time around. I wrestled with what to do, should I call my midwife or my family doc? My midwife is about 30 minutes away and I felt lousy and couldn't contemplate driving that far, so I called my family doc here in town. I had to get the girls ready, drop my daughter off at school and DSD off at her mothers. DH decided to take the day off work to sit with me, I called my doctor and got an appointment for early afternoon.
My youngest two were with me and I couldn't imagine feeling so lousy and trying to care for them. Their step-mother was out of town (my normal child-care backup), my best friend is due any day and has two of her own. My other BF was in class all day. Their father could not take off work (nor would I expect him to) I have no family here, so I ended up having to to rely on DH's family (they went to their cousins, which they love), which just added another bit of sting. Reminded me how alone I feel here sometimes. I wanted DH available to come to my appt with me. I didn't feel safe to drive.
I continued bleeding all morning as I ran the kids where they needed to be. Finally got to my appt (which I simply wanted for a referral for an HCG quant just to determine things were going as they should), my doctor was sweet and said no need for a pelvic, etc. Some dignity at least. She spoke directly to DH AND myself, which I appreciated. She put STAT on my blood order, so by 5 o'clock, I had the results. My HCG was 14. I am to go back on Friday for another.
I am still bleeding red, no clots, intermittent cramping, cervix is opening . . My body is doing it's job. I am feeling weird about it, almost peaceful. I don't feel like I lost a baby, simply lost the idea of a baby. I am waiting for it to be over . . .
It's very early, I'm not even 5 weeks along. I got a positive test a week ago. I woke up this morning with some spotting, but didn't get alarmed because I've had this happen previously. I went back to bed, somewhat delirious from a bad nights sleep, full of cranky toddlers.
Woke up a couple hours later to pee again and had bright red blood. I knew, right away. This pregnancy hadn't felt "right" from the get-go, but I chalked it up to things being "different" this time around. I wrestled with what to do, should I call my midwife or my family doc? My midwife is about 30 minutes away and I felt lousy and couldn't contemplate driving that far, so I called my family doc here in town. I had to get the girls ready, drop my daughter off at school and DSD off at her mothers. DH decided to take the day off work to sit with me, I called my doctor and got an appointment for early afternoon.
My youngest two were with me and I couldn't imagine feeling so lousy and trying to care for them. Their step-mother was out of town (my normal child-care backup), my best friend is due any day and has two of her own. My other BF was in class all day. Their father could not take off work (nor would I expect him to) I have no family here, so I ended up having to to rely on DH's family (they went to their cousins, which they love), which just added another bit of sting. Reminded me how alone I feel here sometimes. I wanted DH available to come to my appt with me. I didn't feel safe to drive.
I continued bleeding all morning as I ran the kids where they needed to be. Finally got to my appt (which I simply wanted for a referral for an HCG quant just to determine things were going as they should), my doctor was sweet and said no need for a pelvic, etc. Some dignity at least. She spoke directly to DH AND myself, which I appreciated. She put STAT on my blood order, so by 5 o'clock, I had the results. My HCG was 14. I am to go back on Friday for another.
I am still bleeding red, no clots, intermittent cramping, cervix is opening . . My body is doing it's job. I am feeling weird about it, almost peaceful. I don't feel like I lost a baby, simply lost the idea of a baby. I am waiting for it to be over . . .
