[minkajane]

Anyone get this comment at work? There are a couple of people I work with who say this anytime someone questions why they never participate in outside of work activities (like holiday parties) or why they don't smile to their coworkers or are rude. I work with one woman who won't even make eye contact with people, will NOT help others out with their work, and is blunt to the point of rudeness when speaking to others. Another likes to make "community announcements" complaining about how nobody works but her and is the laziest person I've ever met, but apparently is really nice outside of work and is fun to hang out with.

What makes people behave this way? From what I can tell, they're just using this phrase to excuse being a total b**** to everybody. What's the point of being two different people, a work person and a home person? I go to work every day to make money, not to make friends, but that doesn't preclude me being friendly and cooperative.

 

[limabean]

Acting blatantly rude is obviously wrong, but I kind of hate the "teambuilding" crap that some workplaces expect their employees to participate in. A holiday party once a year, fine, I'll attend and be pleasant, but weekly happy hours? No thanks, I'd rather be home with my family. WOHPs already see their coworkers more than their family in many cases, and I think it sucks that so many workplaces expect their employees to "voluntarily" attend so much stuff outside work hours to prove that they're a team player or whatever.

Whoa, sorry -- that was a bit of a rant. As I said earlier, I totally agree with you that outright rudeness/refusing to be pleasant to coworkers during working hours is unacceptable. Is your work environment the type that expects lots of outside-working-hours time commitment? If so, maybe they're annoyed by that, as I would be, and it's carrying over into their overall work attitude. If not, I guess they're just rude people who are trying to excuse their poor behavior.

 

[Igraine]

I am a little bit of a "party pooper" when it comes to not participating in activities outside of work that are encouraged. I do not socialize with my staff or pretty much anyone I work with. I see it as a real boundary issue.

Now, I DO smile and say "good morning" and really listen when people respond to "how are you".

I think there is a balance. I agree with the op, that this woman she is speaking of is just difficult. She may be someone who had social anxiety (anxiety can look like anything. Often anxious people appear angry or rude, when in reality they are so anxious). Maybe have a little compassion for her and ignore her negative comments. I know it is tough. People with negative attitudes can really erode positive work moral and they seem to have receive a lot of attention.

The other lady is a player. She ingratiates herself to others in order to manipulate others and to "present herself" in a positive light and have a group of folks who will always back her up.

Just my take on it. Read the "No A$$hole Rule" for learning to deal with toxic people in the work place. It is a fun read and some really good advice.

Gotta love workplace dynamics! Good luck.

 

[Aquitane]

I think the rude women are just that, rude. However if they are getting pressured to be "friends" and don't want to be, they shouldn't have to.

I've worked at several different schools, each with different levels of what was considered acceptable work/friendship levels.

When my kids were really little, I worked at a middle school where the principal and assistant principal believed that your co-workers should be your best friends and that all socializing should be with co-workers. There were A LOT of boundary issues there (many of the staff thought adultery acceptable), hence why I left that school.

Now I teach at a place where we do mingle sometimes outside of work, but only when WE want to. My teaching partner and I have a wonderful working relationship, that I feel fortunate to have, but we do not socialize AT ALL outside of work. (She's also just married/no kids and I've been married 15 years with 2 kids, so we don't have too much in common outside of work.)

 

[number572]

Social phobia? Social Anxiety? Social laziness?! She's not doing her job 100% if she's not part of the team, really...

 

[amydidit]

I've said that before. But I wouldn't ever use it as an excuse to be rude.

One job I worked at most everyone there were *partiers*. They'd go out drinking and clubbing every weekend, and sometimes during the week too. I wasn't into that any longer and had no desire to hang out with those people. However they didn't like it when I'd said I didn't want to go out with them. So finally I did have to tell them I was only there to work and not make friends. I needed that job, but that was all I needed out of it.

 

[UptownZoo]

Huh. I've never run into that one before! I'm definitely not at work to make friends, but that doesn't mean I'm not friendly. I think you're right; it's an excuse to be nasty. I don't get that! I spend 45 - 60 hours per week at work and it would have a major effect on my whole life if I were to be unpleasant that whole time.

 

[BugMacGee]

I'm not at work to make friends either....but I do make friends. Work is so much more pleasant when you know and enjoy your coworkers. My best friends are my current or former coworkers.

If a person wants to stay distant, fine, but don't make an issue out of it. Maybe they can't make friend in the first place and that's the excuse they are using.

 

[kriket]

I can understand coming to work to work, not make friends. Being rude... eh, I'm not a hugely social creature and frankly would rather just be left alone to do my work. I don't want to see pictures of your kids, I don't want you to ask me how my weekend was, I don't want to hear about the zany thing your partner/kid/dog did yesterday. Not really at least. I will smile and say "oh, thats nice" but then people take that to mean I'm interested and keep talking instead of leaving

it was the worse when I was a bartender. Everyone assumes that you want to take a shot with them or hang out after hours.

:

 

[Catubodua]

there is a difference in being rude vs not wanting to be friends with people at work.

i totally get not wanting to socialize outside of work with the people you work with. when i was younger i was desperate to get to be good friends with people at work because i thought that's how it was supposed to be.

i now realize it's best all around to have friends outside of work and friendly acquaintances at work.

i can't stand the forced team building crap some places make you go through, and the idea that i should be required to be friends with people i would not be friends with if i didn't happen to work with them is just silly.

i'm the only one at work who doesn't participate in their "sunshine fund" and i'm glad every single time it comes up. those that do participate never do anything buy complain about it.