Mothering Forum banner

1 - 7 of 7 Posts

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
2,800 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
<p>I am having a really rough time lately.  My lovely sweet toddler seems to be spending a lot of time crying, whining, sceaming, flailing around in anger, or if he not doing those things he is making a mess, ruining something, or being reckless and getting hurt.  And I'm sure it's my fault because lately I have been totally sucking as a mom.  I have a lot of crap going on in my life and basically feeding him and helping him fall asleep are taking up all of my energy.  So things like playing and planning fun activities seem impossible, I have nothing left for these sort of 'extras'.  And when I do take him places, it is total insanity.  He is very high energy and I end up being one of 'those' moms that everyone looks at with pity/disgust.  I am totally in a funk and I can't get out of it.  Honestly, *I* would like to be spending *my* time crying, whining, screaming, and flailing... or ruining things and being reckless.  That's where I'm at right now.  But instead I just zone out.  I don't know what to do with him or how to react.  I feel awful!  I have actually started looking to see if there are any jobs I could get so I could put him in daycare because he would probably be better off there.  And yet the thought of leaving him makes me start to cry. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I don't know if I actually need some help, if there is something wrong with me.  Or if this is just life with a toddler (but if it is I don't think I'll survive).  Maybe I'm just not cut out to be a stay at home mom? </p>
<p> </p>
<p>*sigh* I'm sad :(</p>
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,404 Posts
<p>Hugs to you.  Toddlers are hard!  High needs toddlers are harder!  High needs toddlers when you have a lot of life-issues going down are, well, you know how they are!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>You sound low and depressed.  Go to a dr and talk to them, have your thyroid levels checked, get a general MOT, there might be something very fixable which is making all this feel worse.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Figure out a way to deal with the crap in your life (a plan always makes me feel better, even if elements on it are scarily out of reach when i write it down).  Maybe arrange some counselling so you can have somewhere to vent and deal with these things.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Look into preschool/playgroup/some other kind of care.  A few hours a week might make a MASSIVE difference.  Feeling you'd benefit from a few hours without him a week doesn't mean you're not cut out to be a SAHM it just means you BADLY need a break (and if it turns out you don't want to be a SAHM that's a perfectly valid option too!) so arrange yourself one.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>In our society mothers are expected to deal with a LOT of the strain within a family, but because women rarely support one another, competing instead, no-one mothers the mothers, you know?  Maybe you have a friend or two you could trade childcare with?  Or a local creche you could use?  My DD LOVES LOVES LOVES the creche at ikea!  She's verbal (you have to be 3 for that specific one, but not all of them) and i figure, why not?  SHe gets to run about and interact with new people for an hour, and i get a coffee in peace for once!  Maybe there's childcare at a local YMCA or other gym, where you can put him so you can exercise and blow off some physical steam - that makes a huge difference to my mental wellbeing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hang in there mama, you sound exhausted.  That doesn't make you a bad person or a bad mother, it makes you...exhausted.  Cut yourself a little slack, look around for options to get a bit of a break/ R&R/time for you and keep telling yourself that pretty much every mother goes through patches like this (i know i have!).  For me at least, being a good mom isn't about being superwoman, sticking doggedly to decisions i made before i even HAD a kid or providing the people i know with a fresh-faced illusion of loving motherly togetherness, it's about being flexible, being optimistic in the face of the strain and sticking in there, adapting as i go.</p>
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,811 Posts
<p>Gillian ,,, You, my dear, are one of the best mamas I know!  Managing to be a nurturing, attached mama to your little one while all the while dealing with the drama with your ex, and the move, is more than any mama can handle!  Can you schedule some formal you time?  Use your parents for two hours twice a week so that you can go grab a coffee and read a book?  Take a bath? </p>
<p>This will pass!  Has he got his two-year molars?  Could that be it? </p>
<p>Rescue Remedy for you both?</p>
<p>Gotta run right now, hon, but know that I'm thinking of you.</p>
<p>xo</p>
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
481 Posts
<p>Hugs Mama.  Sorry you are having a rough time.  How much sleep is he getting?</p>
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
2,800 Posts
Discussion Starter #5
<p>Thanks for the replies.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I have been starting to do things for 'me'.  I'm in a curling league one night a week.  And just today I finally went and joined the ymca.  My close friend also has a membership and we are going to do a couple of classes together.  So I am really really looking forward to that (and hoping ds will stay in the childcare without flipping out).  I want to do the kickboxing class so I can get some anger out of me.  And I'm also looking into getting some counselling because I think I need it.  So hopefully all of that stuff will start making a difference soon.  It would be nice to meet some other moms, I'm new to this city, I have friends but they are all childless at this point.  I keep meaning to go to the early years centre here but so far I haven't.  Maybe that will be my goal for next week.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sleep is sort of an issue.  I am trying to nightwean but ds is very resistent to the idea.  He goes to bed pretty late (like 10pm) but then he sleeps in until 8am so that makes up for it.  All of his 'nightwakings' are from 5am-8am.  So not too bad.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He doesn't have his 2 year molars yet.  His canine teeth (top and bottom) are coming through at the moment.  He's always been a good teether in the past but maybe these ones are bothering him more than others have.</p>
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,055 Posts
<p>Gillian, hugs Mama! You are an amazing Mama! I wish I could come make you a cup of tea right now. Of course it is too much. Noone can do everything alone. I think it is great that you are looking into counseling and getting to the gym. Kickboxing sounds great! I think you should really make it a priority to do it. Having a friend go with you will be great!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I also know that my days with DD are much better when we get out of the house. Do you have hiking trails near you? Fiona thrives on outdoor time and getting a good hike/walk in is great for both of us. Maybe a walk before playdates would help him burn off some energy first? Also, does he like his stroller? When I'm going crazy and feel like I'm losing it with her I just strap her in the stroller, attach rain fly if necessary!, and head out. Sometimes I grab a coffee and just walk!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Also, if you decide that you want to put him in child care a couple of days a week it does NOT MAKE YOU A BAD MOM or LESS OF AN AP MOM! You are raising your son alone under tremendous stress and life change. Find someone or someplace for him 2 mornings a week and you are likely to feel refreshed and energized and better able to cope.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I'm thinking of you these days Gillian!</p>
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,635 Posts
<p>Hugs to you!!! Toddlers are hard and after going through this 3 times now I know that they are all different. Just try to get through it the best you can. I think that no matter what "your" circumstances are in your personal life, that your child will still behave this way. Try hard to endure this and enjoy your child right now because this time will fly by and before you know it this will be all but a memory.</p>
 
1 - 7 of 7 Posts
Top