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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
We lost our beautiful Lily when I was 18 weeks pregnant. Upon her delivery we found that the cord had wrapped around her several times. There wasn't anything wrong with her, just an accident with a cord.<br><br>
That was 12 weeks ago today. Today I'm 8 weeks pregnant. I've known that I'm pregnant for 4 weeks.<br><br>
I had an u/s last Friday and found a beautiful little gummi bear with a strong heartbeat. Despite the positive ultrasound, I still don't feel any reassurance. I have a retroverted uterus and a fibroid the size of a golf ball so there are areas the u/s was unable to scan and that makes me nervous.<br><br>
By the end of last week I was starting to feel the nausea I strongly associate with pregnancy. I have four living children and have suffered with severe nausea through their entire pregnancies. The last three days or so I don't feel as sick as I did last week and that absolutely freaks me out. As unpleasant as the nausea is, I depend on it to reassure me that everything is going the way it should be. I have a checkup next Friday and I'm desperate for a little more reassurance.<br><br>
In addition to all of this, we're moving in about two weeks and we haven't told any of our friends or family yet. I'm very anxious about making sure that I don't overdo and I can't stand the thought of people thinking I'm being lazy or not contributing enough. Which is silly, because I'm doing almost all of the packing. But that day I'm planning on just directing traffic.<br><br>
I'll be twelve weeks on Christmas Day. I hate keeping this a secret, but I'm also not ready to talk about it.<br><br>
I'm so very tempted to rent a doppler, but I know with my tilt-y uterus and this fibroid, and the fact that I'm still so early, renting a doppler might just make me even more paranoid.<br><br>
PAL really is an emotional rollercoaster, isn't it? I just have to keep reminding myself that I can only do one day at a time and do my best to take care of myself.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">. Oh, I so completly understand! I'm 5 weeks along after loosing Amelia about 16 weeks ago. This journey is so hard.
 

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You're going to go through a lot of emotions this pregnancy - all of them are normal. It's very important for you to let yourself <i>feel</i> the emotions as they come along because every single one of them, you are feeling because your body needs to go through it. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
So you're utterly normal. Believe me, even if you'd waited a few more months, or a year or more, you would still feel a lot of very strong emotions at different stages of your pregnancy. I, for example, went through a very emotional and very highly charged number of weeks a few weeks ago. It's only been the last four weeks or so where I've felt a little more normal, and I'm absolutely sure I'll continue to go through good and bad days in the final weeks here.<br><br>
For me at this stage, it's the late term pregnancy hormones kicking in. All those bonding hormones are really taking charge of my system at this stage and I'm feeling very mood-swingy. Worried one minute about whatever; laid back the next. I find some quiet time in the living room, sewing, or crafting or similar with something on the TV behind me is enough to quieten me down so that I can feel a bit saner!<br><br>
All in all, you're completely normal.<br><br>
*HUGE hugs* XXX
 

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(((HUGS)))<br>
PAL is so difficult and emotional.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Ladies, I can't thank you enough for responding to my thread. It's so refreshing to talk about it openly with other moms that understand.<br><br>
I hope you know that I'm praying for you all as well. I'm trying to be better about keeping up with the boards, but with the move coming up I might be a little slow. But I hope to be around more very soon.<br><br>
Thanks again!<br>
Micki
 

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Hey, I am glad you're posting on here, it's been helpful to me (the loss board, not PAL) to feel like I'm not alone.<br><br>
Hang in there- I'm sure paranoia is just par for the course. I hope that book I lent you is helping.<br><br>
And don't worry about people thinking you're lazy- let them think what they want!
 

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I am in such a similar boat as you. I am 8.5 weeks now and my symptoms are less over the last 3 days. My loss was a first trimester loss last Xmas. I have been TTC for 3 years and got pregnant this time with help of a fertility Dr.<br><br>
I am also moving in 1 week and am so nervous about over doing it or getting over tired. My family does know and is offering to help, thank goodness.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Kins, I didn't realize you were posting here too. I'm sorry I missed your posts, I'm trying really hard to keep up a little more. The book kinda helped, but for my case it was mostly a "what your feeling is normal" attitude. Thanks for letting me borrow it.<br><br>
Heather, good luck with your move too. This is tricky stuff! We actually did end up telling my family a few days ago, and it's a relief, but so strange. I'm glad it's not a secret, but I'm also not really ready to talk about it yet.<br><br>
Thanks ladies!
 

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I can really identify. I lost my son at almost 19 weeks due to a cord accident. I just had my rainbow baby last week. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/joy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="joy"> But the entire pregnancy was fraught with worry. I could never get comfortable with the pregnancy, even when I was far enough along to feel movement. I also had a hard time telling people I was pregnant. Really, the only people who knew were people who saw me. In fact, when I announced the arrival of our little one on facebook last week, most of the comments were "congrats, didn't know you were expecting!" That's how confident I felt in the pregnancy. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
All that to say, take it one day at a time. And I know it isn't going to change anything for you but I was the sickest with the pregnancy that I lost so feeling sick doesn't mean anything necessarily. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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Micki everyone goes through ups and downs on this PAL rollercoaster ride. Get through one day at a time and you'll get to the better bits. I'm getting close to Isabels birthday and this little guys birthday, plus dealing with pregnancy hormones. It is rough but we make it through the bad days. Getting your feeligns out on here helps becuase you'll see we all go through the same emotions. A normal PAL pregnancy can be different to a normal non loss pregnancy. I really envy the other women their innocence, but we're here, this is the club we belong to. The only thing we can do now is join together and help each other.
 
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