To quickly summarize, I am on my second separation from DS's father. The first time I left my son never wanted to stay with me. I had a dumpy little apartment, worked nights and was in a pretty bad state emotionally. Needless to say, I went back because while I was prepared to lose the relationship with his dad, not being with my son was unbearable. A year later, and with all my ducks in a row, I did it again. Gave everyone lots of notice, got a better job so I could be with my son during the day and afford a nice place for us to live. I am healthy, happy and really believe this is the best for everyone, although the transition is hard. The agreement was that it would be a 50/50 split and I moved less than 5 minutes away. Long story short, my son still doesn't really like to stay with me. He will, and we have a good time together. I make sure to give him all of my attention when he is here, I plan activities, we paint, and we cook good foods, I help with his homework and take him to play groups, beaches etc.. But if he had the choice, he would always pick his dad. It breaks my heart really and I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I've always been super close to him and we breastfed for two years, still co-sleep, I was a stay at home mom for over three years just me and him. I don't know if he blames me for the break up. He's four, so I don't even really know what his level of understanding is. When I talked to him about it, I simply stated that I was tired of the fighting and wanted to focus more on him. Why didn't he pick me? What does his dad do that's so awesome. I'm fun, and nice yet somewhere I went wrong and maybe there's not even enough information in this post for anyone to help me. I just feel sad that my little boy loves his daddy more than me, and feels more safe to be with him. I feel like in spite of my best efforts to make it right this time, I've lost a huge piece of our relationship that I can never get back.