[Suka]

Today my father sent me a random text message asking if the school district was better in Rochester, Mi (where they live) and Indianapolis(where i live) I replied that the schools were better in Rochester and his suggestion was that I let my child go to school there!!!! I was beyond shocked!!! Im only 6 months and he is making plans for her to leave me for the whole darn school year and go live with them! Im the youngest (even thou im 31) and Im constantly getting treated like I dont know what to do with out them. Im beyond independent, never asked them for help since my college years....Heck my older sister treats me like im the big sister. This will their first grandchild and I can kinda understand the excitement about it, but Im feeling like they think im unfit as a parent and the baby isnt even here yet!!! After the birth Im going to Michigan for about 2 months and I honestly dont think imma make it that long living there with them and constantly reminding them to not overstep their boundaries.

 

[MissMorgan]

Maybe right NOW is the time to set up boundaries. I've already set up some things with my families like "You have to be supportive of MY choices as a parent." Once I said this they have been on board with all of my decisions and even enthusiastic about them (As far from their own choices as they may be.) I think a load of confidence in yourself as a parent may help them keep within their boundaries as grandparents.

 

[VillageMom6]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Suka</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15373534"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Im only 6 months and he is making plans for her to leave me for the whole darn school year and go live with them!</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/yikes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="EEK!"> BwaHaHa! Yeah, right, Mom and Dad! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked"><br><br>
Are you married? Do you have some sort of support network near you?<br><br>
I guess I could <i>maybe</i> see where they were coming from if you are 18, alone, unemployed and prone to making destructive decisions.<br><br>
But if you've got your act together, it is ludicrous to suggest that your child be separated from you because the schools are better in your folks' town.<br><br>
Good luck with that, hon!

 

[Suka]

Yea Im definitely gonna have that Boundary talk with them asap!!!

 

[LindsayK]

Sometime in the grandparent's excitement to have lots of time with the grandkids, they come up with some pretty wacky ideas. You might test out the waters before seriously jumping on them about this - for example, say, "yeah, you know, I'm gonna be busy with work (or whatever) and the school system is better where you are anyway, so I'll just plan on sending DC to you as soon as they're born, and just let me know when to pick up the tab for college." Or say something even more ludicrous to poke a little fun at their suggestion and see if they either get defensive or kind of back off and realize they're being silly.<br><br>
Last time I was visiting my mom, who lives 2 states away, she was seriously trying to get me to buy the house next to them, and thought maybe my husband could just commute the 4-5 hr round trip 3 days a week, and work from home (not allowed) the other two days. Seriously, mom??? You mean you NEVER want me to see my husband? You want your grandchild to grow up without a father? really? She kinda backed off, but this is one of many times she's come up with an idea that really makes no sense just because she'd love DD to live near her.<br><br>
If your dad really is being serious, then the time to talk about boundaries is NOW <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">

 

[laughymama]

My mom still "jokingly" mentions spending the night at our home "for fun!"<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"><br>
If I invited her, she'd be here in a second.<br><br>
I'm an only child and it seems she forgets that I'm not longer 14 sometimes. She's doing better as time goes on but now and then she suggests something and it's like <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/huh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="huh">.<br><br>
Good luck with the boundaries talk!

 

[pitchfork]

I agree that excited grandparents say some pretty ridiculous things, that they really couldn't or wouldn't want to to do in reality. I am on the side of <i>both</i> setting limits, <i>and</i> not taking this particular thing to literally.<br><br>
I sat down with my Mom before baby #1 was born and told her that I already had a whole new appreciation of all she had done and I loved and appreciated her for it (mostly true, despite or because of years of therapy...) AND that I was going to do things in the way that felt right to me, and I really needed her to respect that. It was a very successful conversation, she has been very supportive, and if not, has been able to be quiet without exuding judgement <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
It's hard for parents to hear this without feeling judged themselves, and I wanted my children to have a good relationship with my parents, at the same time I knew I couldn't handle a lot of "advice".<br><br>
Good luck.