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I think it's a delicate balance through the pre-teen/teen years of being Mom and being friend. I believe children of all ages need us to be first Mom, and then they grow into friendship at their own pace. It is such a healthy expression of identity formation for a daughter to be able to say "No. I want privacy in this matter." I think that speaks of a very healthy relationship. A relationship without boundaries is enmeshment. She is in the midst of discovering what hers are. If she is the type who is more introverted, tends to sort through things on her own before discussing it, needs time to herself to process her feelings, etc. then leaving childhood behind would certainly be no different. This is such a transitional time of life when so many things are happening on the inside and outside. It's perfectly normal for her to need to sort through it for herself first and maybe get used to the idea of growing up before sharing it with anyone, even Mom. This is much preferred to sharing things with you for your sake or because she feels she has to "or else Mom will be upset" kind of thing. Forced intimacy is not intimacy at all. I think if you give her the gift of privacy and let her own these parts of her growing self as she needs to, she will thank you and love you all the more, and most of all trust that she can share things with you for her, not for your needs. So, I say Good for you!! She feels safe enough to say "No!" Think how good that will be when she is in other potentially intimate relationships.
Sounds like you have a strong healthy daughter who knows that her body is hers. What a gift you have given her.
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