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Discussion Starter #1
instead of doing two different threads, i thought i'd just throw all this out there now.<br><br>
i am scared of transition (or everything i have heard about it). i am afraid i won't be able to handle it. i'm afraid i will cave and get pain medication when i really just need to wait it out. i am afraid it really will be just as awful as what i hear. my doula recently spoke to me about it (and she is a hypnobirthing advocate) and i got a little scared then. but then at my midwife appointment on wednesday, she described the whole birth giving process using waves as a metaphor for the different stages of labor (i guess since i am 38 weeks, she thought she better go over labor symptoms and whatnot with me, esp. since i have never experienced labor). when she got to the part about transition she basically said a big wave will take me up and up and then crash down and i will be able to feel it pulling me deep deep under and i just need to give into it knowing that i will come back up to the surface. and that scared the sh** out of me! why? i don't know.<br><br>
and, ds, who weaned about 2 months into my pregnancy has been letting me know more and more that he would like to nurse - you know, dive bombing my chest when we are grocery shopping, that kind of thing. well today (he doesn't talk yet) he specifically asked me to nurse - he did the sign for "more" and then patted my boob and then laid his mouth on my boob. and then he smiled so sweetly at me. but, i didn't let him and i don't know why. it didn't upset him that i didn't let him. he just kept on playing after that. i just can't decide if i really want to tandem nurse. he is only 21 mos. old and i was always committed to nursing him til he was 2 and then seeing how i felt at that point. i am also somewhat surprised that this is coming up after being weaned for six months.<br><br>
anyway, i just needed to get both of these things off my chest. i am feeling somewhat like a freak these days.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
Being of such little experience here, I don't have any advice on the nursing thing- I am sure whatever your instincts decide to do will be the right thing for your family.<br><br>
But I do want to chime in about the birth experience thing. I feel very strongly (and I've seen this play out in other life areas for people over and over again in coaching & counseling) that it is counter-productive for another person to "script" our experiences of things. Esp. where there is a power differential- like therapist/client or midwife/birthing woman. The midwife certainly had the best of intentions, but IMO to tell you (whether good or bad or whatever) what to expect for your birth experience is limiting you to another person's reality- does that make sense?? And the brain can be so sensitive and can grab onto stories and beliefs like it's the truth, becoming a self-fullfilling prophecy...<br><br>
I think it is always more helpful for people to just talk about their experiences, disclose about themselves in a vunerable way, or maybe speak about what they've heard/witnessed... I know for me, I have felt very protective of myself at this time, b/c I feel so sensitive and receptive to others. I just don't want to hear how __________ it's going to be, whether good or bad, kwim?<br><br>
Not sure if this resonates with you, but I just wanted to let you know that this has been on my mind throughout this pregnancy, and here at the end, I esp. feel like I almost need to bolster myself from other's projections of what the experience will be like. How do I do that? Frankly, I am spending less time with people, and also, if I notice that something has triggered me or I have a strong emotional reaction to it (like my MIL, as ya'll have all heard about LOL!) I take the time to verbally and mentally release the fear or limiting belief that comes up.<br><br>
Oh goodness.. sorry for the novel. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"><br>
What you said resonated with me and it helps me to get even more clear on how I take care of myself during these situations. Hope you feel better soon.
 

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What was your transition experience with DS like?<br><br>
Re: nursing, DD, who weaned when I was about 8 weeks pg, so like 6 months ago, is still insistent that she will get one breast and Peanut can have the other one. But I dont' think she's going to remember how to nurse. None of my friends' kids who weaned around the same time were able to latch back on again.<br><br>
ILANA
 

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Discussion Starter #4
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>dancebaraka</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7908666"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
I know for me, I have felt very protective of myself at this time, b/c I feel so sensitive and receptive to others. I just don't want to hear how __________ it's going to be, whether good or bad, kwim?<br><br>
Not sure if this resonates with you, but I just wanted to let you know that this has been on my mind throughout this pregnancy, and here at the end, I esp. feel like I almost need to bolster myself from other's projections of what the experience will be like.</div>
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you are so right - i have also tried to be very protective of myself and to not allow any negativity in. frankly, i was surprised that her analogy scared me the way it did. and i have been having some fear of labor anyway as i draw closer. but, i think i need to get back to visualizing my *own* birth experience and let go of some of this fear. thank you so much for your response.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Ilana</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7908684"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">What was your transition experience with DS like?<br><br>
Re: nursing, DD, who weaned when I was about 8 weeks pg, so like 6 months ago, is still insistent that she will get one breast and Peanut can have the other one. But I dont' think she's going to remember how to nurse. None of my friends' kids who weaned around the same time were able to latch back on again.<br><br>
ILANA</div>
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i never experienced labor or transition with ds - he was a c-section. so, there is definitely the fear of the unknown playing into this.<br><br>
as far as ds's desire to nurse, i feel guilty in ways that i i don't just let ds try nursing again. but then, if i truly don't want to tandem nurse, it seems like it would be much worse to let him nurse, only to wean him when the new baby comes in a couple weeks. the problem is that i can't seem to come to a decision about how i feel about tandem nursing (for myself). and i don't want to just experiment with it - it would feel too cruel. especially since he pretty much self-weaned as my milk went away and it was mostly a gentle experience (aside from his frustration over my milk disappearing).
 

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I agree with the pp that it usually isn't productive for another person to put ideas in your head regarding birth. My mother scared me so badly about transition and pushing that with my first one I just about freaked out during labor and ended up with a very strong epidural and couldn't feel anything. With my 2nd I went for a long time and it took me a while to get to 5 cm from 3 (I started out at 3cm in labor because of prodomonal labor...) It took 8 hours of contractions slowly getting more and more painful until I got to 5cm. I then asked for an epidural because I didn't think I could take much more of it and I had been laboring all night long. Well it took them forever to get me the epi and then once it was in--it didn't take. I could still feel the contractions very strongly. I laid back down and within 20 min. I told the nurse I thought I had to push and she acted like it wasn't possible...well I was 10 cm already. My point is to say--you can do this!!!! My experience was so different from my mom's or anyone else I spoke with. (In fact pushing was not horrific--like I had imagined. It was actually great to be able to feel what was going on). I don't have any advice on nursing. I weaned DS1 at 14 months when I was pg with DS2 and he had no interest at 22 months (after the birth) to go back to nursing.
 

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transition scares me too. not so much because of pain but becuause I panic.<br>
you will be ok, and if you do decide to have pain meds it will be ok.<br><br><br>
im still nursing. hey if your comfortable letting him nurse thats cool. if not , he seems ok with that as well.
 

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if you're in transition it would be too late for an epidural. (but maybe not too late if you're approaching transition). i think once you reach transition and they don't give the option of an epidural anymore it probably 'helps' to know your only choice is to go forward. (i suppose there are other narcotic pain med options at that point)<br><br>
i didn't cave and get an epi until 8cms last time. i just felt i couldn't do it anymore. in hindsight i think it was the sign of approaching transition when you question whether you can go on. this time i have a doula and i'm hoping she can talk me through that point. i don't know though. maybe i'll cave again? i really want to make it all the way through. i am scared of labor though. i remember how painful it was. scary and exciting at the same time.<br><br>
as for nursing. i think you'll just have to see how you feel.
 

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FWIW, transition was the easiest part of my labour. I was terrified that I wouldn't be able to make it through transition because I was already tired after a long, intense labour. But, it was actually an easier rythym for my body than the earlier active labour.<br><br>
There may be something to what the PP said about the desire to give up being a sign that transition is coming soon. Shortly before transition, I had a meltdown and my doula sent my husband for a walk and gave me a real pep talk. "You're doing great and you're almost there" sort of thing. It got my spirits up and I was in transition before I knew it. And then, everything happened fast.
 

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You mentioned that your doula is a hypnobirthing advocate... are you doing hypnosis for your birth? i did the hypnobabies homestudy course and transition didn't feel any different for me than the rest of labour.. that is, I felt pressure but no pain. Apparently I was in transition as I got into the birth pool, my water broke pretty much immediately and then I was pushing... I had no idea.<br><br>
Probably the most productive thing for you to do is to listen to some calming afirmations around that time to keep focussed and relaxed. Keep some rescue remedy nearby just in case you feel panicked. And maybe tell your doula not to use that analogy with you!
 

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I was THRILLED to get to transition! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"> IIt meant the baby was almost there. I think great coaching is so important (can you tell I am a Bradley mama?? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">) and you and dh might practice some of the ways he can support you through transtion so that you can, as Baraka wisely suggested, create your own script about this rather than relying on someone elses.
 

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I THINK transition is when I puked twice and peed while puking. ROFL But it wasn't really scary and it doesn't stick out in my mind as this huge big thing. I kind of kept waiting and waiting for the point where I thought I couldn't handle it anymore, but that point never came. So, transition is so not the same for everyone. How exciting you're going to get to experience labor and birth this time. There's nothing else like it, it's really really cool. Even when it doesn't go perfectly (and when does it really?).<br><br>
Interesting about the nursing! It surprises me after six months too! If you don't want to, though, and it's not upsetting to him, no big deal. If you feel like offering, go ahead. Just trust yourself.
 

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I was scared too.. I had the "ring of fire" in my head because my aunt kept going on about it. Honestly it was the easiest part of labour! I dilated really quickly and the first part was surprisingly painful (because I expected it not to hurt at all...it wasn't crazy just unexpected) and then when the last part came it was just sort of a continuation only my body was like ok this is what is happening your mental input is not needed. There was no "ring of fire" it was just like really forceful muscular contractions instead of being sharply painful stabbing feelings.. if that makes any sense. I'd compare it to an extremely strong and powerful rowing stroke compared to a hand wildly splashing and paddling.<br><br>
With this pregnancy I read too much on this board about tearing. I don't know why, I only had a tiny tear that did not need stitching last time.. but I went from not having a single worry about tears to being actually pretty scared that I would tear a great deal. We're so porous when we're pregnant!!
 

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Discussion Starter #14
thank you everybody - you guys always make me feel SO much better <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 
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