[JSerene]

She announced today that she is not going to breastfeed. In her view, the whole thing is a hassell and she's doesn't want to bother with it. She's been on the fence for a while and I've talked with her extensively about the ins and outs and how positive its been for my dd and I and she finally came to her decision. She said several things influenced her:

1. she saw how difficult it was for me to go back to work because my dd refused to take expressed breastmilk in a bottle.
2. she's in love with the bottle that has a straw connected to the nipple so the baby can drink the milk without assistance.

I'm horrified by both these points. Number 1 because it saddens me that my wonderful breastfeeding relationship influenced someone else NOT to breastfeed. And number 2 because I find it terribly sad that anyone would not want to hold their baby to feed them. I told her I thought this was neglect, pure and simple. She defended the straw-bottle by reasoning that you would need one if you had 6 babies. She's TTC her first, so I don't see how that could possibly apply.

Please don't flame me about the straw-bottle thing. I know there are situations were it would be helpful and justifiable, and my telling her that using it would be equal to neglect may be a bit over the top, but I really wanted to get my point across.

My mom got excited at her decision because it means she'll be able to leave her baby with her overnight (my dd has never stayed anywhere without me).

I gave her a big stack of Mothering Magazine. She said she was interested in reading them, but I don't think it will help. Sigh.

 

[Fluffy Peanut]

I am sorry to hear that your sister doesn't want to breastfeed! It always makes me sad when mothers choose not to. I feel bad for both the mothers and the babies who wont have the beautiful breastfeeding relationship.

That bottle with a straw sounds ridiculous! It's just so sad how detached parents are becomming!!

When is your sister due? I hope she changes her mind before the baby is born!! Or maybe she'll change her mind as soon as she holds her baby in her arms! One can only hope!!

 

[thepeach80]

I'm sorry! You can have her talk to me about the $40 can of formula my son needs when he gets it. If we used it full time, that can would last about 2.5 days! So, telling her about formula costing $500 a month might help sway her.

 

[JSerene]

I told her every positive thing I could think of! Including all the quirky things, like drinking it yourself to get rid of a cold (maybe TMI for her, but she was a lost cause by then anyway...). I think lactating is so cool, I can't believe anyone would opt out of this by choice.

She's in nursing school, but I know from experience she won't get the info there to turn her on to breastfeeding. RNs are taught very little practical knowledge about breastfeeding, but that's a whole nother rant.

 

[Attila the Honey]

Don't give up hope yet. Time and time again I see pregnant women with this long list of things they will and won't do like that. It's almost like they are nervous about how much their lives are about to change and they are trying to fight it? Then, when they have their babies in their arms

The problem that usually happens then is that they don't realize it's "OK" to hold your baby all the time, and co-sleep, yadda yadda. Hopefully breastfeeding too!

Also, I think sometimes the mamas who are against breastfeeding before they give birth are, perhaps, afraid they will fail at it? They feel too much pressure, and figure better not even try lest looking like a failure?

I think the mothering magazines will make more of an impact than you might realize. She might read just enough to take seed in her brain, and then when her baby is in her arms she will do what's right (and what she is instinctually driven to do, I might add!)

 

[carriedaway]

it saddens me when people think bf'ing is a hassle. i had a childless, single friend say "i guess it's [breastfeeding] not as convenient, though" and i was like "what?! did you just see me put him on the breast? i didn't have to make a bottle warm a bottle, listen to him scream while i fixed it... not to mention what it's like at night!!!"

i guess people don't want to admit that there's no reason not to breastfeed!!!

carrie

 

[shayinme]

Don't give up hope yet. I was on the fence myself pretty much until the day I delivered, thankfully I was willing to give it a try and so far 15 weeks later we are going strong. Why was I on the fence? Well I ff'd my 1st babe 13 years ago so I was coming from a ff frame of mind. However during my pregnancy thanks to my MW's I got turned on to Mothering mag as well as this site, got a copy of LLL book as well as some others and knew in my heart I had to try. I'll be honest its probably been a blessing that we had no problems as far as starting off but even if we had I knew I was initially committed to doing 6 weeks since ebrything I read was clear that the first 6 weeks might be rough so get to that point before deciding.

Offer encouragement and support. Your sis may surprise you yet.

Shay

 

[laohaire]

I've heard the convenience argument too, and it honestly baffles me. I mean, I don't even know what they mean by it - not just that I disagree. Are they saying it's more convenient because you can prop it or something? (I find the very idea horrific).

I'm going on vacation in a few weeks, and I was just thinking what a horrid pain it would be to have to lug god knows how much formula there, including bottles and a sterlizer. Not to mention, hoping the water or milk is clean there (sorry, I have no idea whether you mix formula with water or milk, very ignorant of formula).

Does formula really cost $500/month?? Wow, think of all the things I can provide her instead, most of all good breastmilk of course, but also I can use the money to buy her a UV-protective swimsuit and all kinds of good things like that

I think the extra food I eat for nursing only costs maybe $50/month.

 

[thepeach80]

Quote:

Does formula really cost $500/month?? Wow, think of all the things I can provide her instead, most of all good breastmilk of course, but also I can use the money to buy her a UV-protective swimsuit and all kinds of good things like that I think the extra food I eat for nursing only costs maybe $50/month.

It can cost more than that depending on if baby is strictly on formula only and there are more expensive formulas than the one we use to supplement with. Even the cheapest formula out there will still probably run you at least $100 a month. That covers a few bills a month at my house!

 

[Anuska]

I'm thinking maybe after she talks to her Ped.? Hopefully....because some Dr's now are really encouraging mama's to BF and giving them the scientific facts about BF and the benefits of baby. I've known women to change minds too, right after delivery. There is still hope. I know how disappointing it is though. That happened to one of my close friends and I couldn't change her mind, but her Dr. did.

 

[~Nikki~]

Ugh, I'm sorry to hear about this. Although I have to say, it's totally mind boggling to hear that someone thinks that BF'ing is a hassle! Um, hello....you're having a child. You're commiting yourself to a built-in hassle for the next 18 years, no matter HOW you decide to feed him.

Not to mention how incredibly easy it is to breastfeed (well, for most mommas). I can't imagine having to deal with the hassle of cleaning and sterlizing bottles, preparing formula, working part-time to afford said formula. And on top of that, dealing with a hungry, impatient baby screaming while all of this is going on. Heck, DS gets grumpy when I have to take the time to lift my shirt and open my bra. I can't even imagine how frantic he'd get if I had to take the time to prepare and warm a bottle, on top of that! Bottle feeding seems like the bigger hassle, to me.

 

[Attila the Honey]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Nikki~ Not to mention how incredibly easy it is to breastfeed (well, for most mommas). I can't imagine having to deal with the hassle of cleaning and sterlizing bottles, preparing formula, working part-time to afford said formula. And on top of that, dealing with a hungry, impatient baby screaming while all of this is going on. Heck, DS gets grumpy when I have to take the time to lift my shirt and open my bra. I can't even imagine how frantic he'd get if I had to take the time to prepare and warm a bottle, on top of that! Bottle feeding seems like the bigger hassle, to me.

I've done both and speaking from experience, bottle feeding is a much, much bigger hassle. It truly sucked, was expensive, and alot more work.

 

[theresa_caine]

HI there-

I know how frustrating it is to see those we love dismiss bfing. I agree with the pps to just keep plugging away. Try the different arguments: expensive formula, losing that baby weight faster, lower risks of cancers, etc.

I've found that this handout is good:
http://www.promom.org/101/index.html

Show this to both your mom and sister. I can't imagine your mom would risk so much just to have a sleepover. Your sister can pump bm for an overnight visit with mom. And, as much as you'd prefer that she exclusively bf, don't discount combo feeding with formula. ANY bm is better than none. If it looks like she's really not going to do it at all, at least offer that as an option.

And, just be open and hope that when the time comes, she'll be drawn to at least give it a try. I agree that it may be overwhelming and she may be worried of 'failing'.

I started a thread about a cousin that has 'converted' to bfing after ff her first 2 kids. Read it...it'll lift your spirits up, I hope!

Theresa

 

[turtlemama77]

I understand your frustration, OP. My sil weaned her babe at 3 months because it wasn't convenient. I was so disappointed and sad for that baby.

Take care,
Sheri

 

[Crunchier]

IME the convience factor has more to with not having to be with the baby. I think a lot of moms feel like they are giving up too much by having to be the ones to care for their babies. They want to be able to leave the baby for work, or to have time alone without having to pump or anything.

My friend weaned her babies at 5 and 4 weeks because she hated having to sit still. She wanted to prop the bottle or hand it off to someone else.

 

[~Megan~]

I have a few friends that did both - nurse and bottle feed- and they say nursing is much more convenient.
Perhaps if you help her understand how much of a hassle bottle feeding is compared to nursing add to that how many health benefits there are for her and the baby (maybe even explain that human milk meets the needs of the child whereas formula does not) then she might be more open to it.

 

[shayinme]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crunchier IME the convience factor has more to with not having to be with the baby. I think a lot of moms feel like they are giving up too much by having to be the ones to care for their babies. They want to be able to leave the baby for work, or to have time alone without having to pump or anything. My friend weaned her babies at 5 and 4 weeks because she hated having to sit still. She wanted to prop the bottle or hand it off to someone else.

I think you hit it the nail on the head as far as the "supossed" convenience. Breastfeeding is not convenient if a woman has no desire to be the one primarily tending to her babe, if you wanna be able to leave your babe often then nope. Having done FF & BF overall I will say that BF is easier though there are times when I wish my girl would take bottles (at 15 weeks she refuses all articifical nipples) but I accept that she pretty much goes with me sinec in the end this period of time will be over before I know it. ( I have a 13 yo so I know just how fast they grow)

Also I love the cost factor of nursing aside from nursing pads it costs me nothing.

Shay

 

[lilsishomemade]

Do you think you can get her to at least try it?! Explain how colostrum really helps and is important to babies.....

As for the bottle propping thing..A friend of mine bought some of these, and I just couldn't believe it. I said, "You don't even plan on HOLDING your child?! What a sad life when a kid's parents are too busy to hold them!!!" I'm sorry, that was a guilt trip, and probably a little over the top, but it's how I feel. Yeh, maybe if you had 6 babies, it could help. But you only have one child to care for....

 

[mom2owen1]

i wonder if she feels like she will be compared to you. i think my sister feels this way, and would prefer to just take a totally different route, for the sake of it being different. sad that the baby will miss out on so much.

i would boost the benefits of colustrum, which would at least get her started on breastfeeding. then tackle the issue of continuing. immunity is one of the hardest benefits to argue with, since it is not a feeling or a bond, it is fixed - you either get it (with bm) or you don't (with ff). depending on the season, protection from colds, etc may be enough to have her consider bf (i hope)!

since she isn't even pg yet, maybe back off a bit for now. let her think and breathe. try again later.

kris
owen, 12 months

 

[Ruthla]

Don't give up hope yet! She's not even pg yet- there's PLENTY of time for her to change her mind!