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I'm starting to feel bitter....

467 Views 6 Replies 4 Participants Last post by  MyZoeJane
DD is 32 months old. She's been a boob hound since day one. I really, truly love nursing DD right off the bat. I've gleaned SO MUCH satisfaction from watching her grow and thrive on the nourishment that I have been able to provide her.

But now If ind myself glaring at her when she wants to nurse. I tell her "not now" and then the bargaining begins... "Just one minute, mommy." And if I still deny her, then the tantrums begin. I've tried explaning to her that she's a "big girl now" and promised dinner with the princesses when there is "no more diapers and no more 'nigh night'..." She repeated it like a mantra for the past several months. I booked our trip to WDW and talked it up BIG TIME. (We are going the first week of October.) But even still... when Ia sk her how she will earn dinner with with princesses, she repeats the mantra. Well... the diapers are GONE. It was SO EASY! But the kid refuses to give up the boob! Since she's fully potty trained, there's one more milestone that no longer causes her stress. But I just CAN'T TELL HER NO when it comes to nursing. I'll be sitting here working on my computer and she refuses to take "no" for an answer. he climbs up, pushes my arms away and pulls on my shirt. Just WHO is the parent here? Who's in control? Obviously NOT ME, huh?

I can't say that I'm COMPLTELY fed up with it. (Which seems to be the barometer you guys use for determining readiness)... but I CAN say that the "irritated" times far outweigh the tender ones these days and I'm afraid to end the nursing on an abrupt and negative note. I really do want to make it a positive thing...

Man, I am nuts. LOL It's afer 1am and Obviously my post isn't very well constructed!

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Originally Posted by MyZoeJane
... but I CAN say that the "irritated" times far outweigh the tender ones these days and I'm afraid to end the nursing on an abrupt and negative note. I really do want to make it a positive thing...

s mamma....

Some may not agree...

but, for me, when the bad feelings started to outweigh the good ones....I decided that it was time to stop. My situation was made a bit easier tho with this pregnancy...I think that made it easier for both of us...

all I can say is follow your heart...
sorry to be so cliche....

but seriously...

Noah nursed for 24 months, and I loved every bit of it...and I'm glad that it ended on a positive note for us, like you said.

Peace be with your decision!

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Know these things: bf'ing isn't a contest. There is no prize if you nurse the longest. You are rewarded, but w/things like good bonding and good health of your child. You won't have your lactivism membership revoked if you practice mother led weaning. Mama knows best. Only YOU can decide for yourself when you are done.
32 months IS a long time. You've done great for a long time. Pat yourself on the back for the hard work you've done thus far. And have another
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Thanks ladies... Believe me, I am not out to win any contests. I'm like some kind of "freak" in "my world." My family doesn't tease me or anything but they don't exactly understand or believe that nursing a toddler is "normal." So, it's certainly not as if I'd feel like I'd be "losing my supermom status" with my friends and family or anything. I'm sure every single person in my life would breathe a sigh of relief were I to wean Zoe right this second.

It just seems SO IMPOSSIBLE to be the one to make the decision when ZOE seems to be the one with the CONTROL in our nursing relationship. When I'd rather "give in" to let her nurse, even though I'm bitter about it, does this mean that we're not ready to wean? It's not healthy to feel bitter about it, is it? Then WHY do I let her do it? I seriously feel like she's getting away with something when she nurses! (About 90 percent of the time, anyway. Like I said, there are still those tender moments... but they are few and far between.)

I guess I just don't know how to go about this "mother led weaning", huh? I've gone with my gut this whole time. Up until a few months ago, I have felt that she still "needed" to nurse. But now I think it's a control thing. She's two and half and far be it from me to shirk the mama who can happily breastfeed her child til the age of 4... but I'd cut my boobs off before I could go that long!

Let me also include that I firmly believe that bf-ing has taken a serious hormonal toll on my body. I'm not sure how valid my suspicions are but I seriously think that the hormonal wackiness, extra weight, and general bitchiness I've experienced since her birth is part in parcel of the nursing, too. I'm ready to try to "be normal" again.... but where to start? This morning she woke me up and suckered me into nursing even though I asked her to let me sleep. I told her I would count for one minute and then she hit me when I tried to remove the boob. I'm like a SLAVE!

So, I'm sure some of this isn't sitting very well with many of you.
But if, by chance, there's SOME tidbit of advice you might have for me to take back control so that I can gradually space out her nursing sessions til they are gone, then PLEASE share them with me! I've loved it long enough. It's time to replace the comfort of nursing with something else...
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Just wanted to say my dd and I are going through the same thing, same ages aslo. Some nursing sessions it is great!! Others, I want to run and hide.

I am sure this is "just a phase" and she will out grow it. I do know the tantrums are intense.

Good Luck!!
Mama, it isn't good for anyone if you are feeling bitter.
You know that saying, if mama ain't happy, no one is? If you are having a battle of wills, it will not get better until you establish some limits, and that is initially gonna be met w/opposition. She's ruled the roost for her whole life and won't like the new assertive mama, but you have to do that much if you want to continue nursing and/or avoid blowing your stack and cutting her off cold turkey out of frustration.

Continue to go w/your gut to establish these new boundaries. It is a 2 person relationship so both parties need to feel secure and happy. Right now it is sounding like it is one sided. Your feelings are real. She's old enough for distractions, putting off until later, counting or singing (those types of things are like "ok, we're gonna nurse on this side until I sing twinkle twinkle twice, and then we're done on that side."), at night time telling her the nursies are asleep or need their rest to make more milkies, or whatever you feel comfy doing. You can always let her know that hitting HURTS, is not okay, and that it will effectively end the nursing session. You can change where and how you nurse. Instead of her being able to yank your top up, wear more obstructive clothes. Set a designated nursing area so that she can't play while nursing or do other things while nursing. It has to be in a set place, away from everything else. That alone will stop many a busy kid.
Try to not sit still for too long (seriously) or avoid doing whatever triggers to her that it is nursie time. Let's see, what else? Definitely give her some extra special cuddle and lovey times (again, when your bb's are obstructed from access) so that she gets used to cuddles w/out nursing. That's about all I got off the top of my head. HTH! Hang in there!
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Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply. Those are excellent suggestions and I especially need to work on some distractions. Since I've been out of school for the past few weeks it's been bad. It's been SO HOT here that it seems nearly impossible to get up and do much out of the house. So there's been a lot of sitting!

I'm hoping that the nicer weather that we can expect and starting school again will help with the distractions!

I just don't want to feel GUILTY for "cutting her off." I'm not sure how to make it a POSITIVE experience, as opposed to negative one, you know? I mean, weaning is an essential part of what is entirely a beautiful thing. I want her to remember it (even if it's only in her psyche!) as a wonderful thing....
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