I'm Starting To Not Believe Anymore
Crisis of faith in the AP department. I guess I need some moral support or something.
I don't think my daughter really needs to be walked around when she's cranky. Why? What purpose does it serve? Why can't I just rock back and forth or bounce her if she wants to move around? Isn't she supposed to have outgrown this by now, anyway? I'm really starting to think she was spoiled by us doing this. How can I even believe that? Spoiled baby? I know better, but I don't know what to think anymore.
I don't think she likes nursing. G-d forbid I offer when she's not hungry, she screams and looks kinda like this smilie
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, actually. It's like I offended her. Comfort nursing? Forget it. It makes her scream worse. But, on the other paw, what was up with the 1 1/2 hour munch last night? I doubt there was even any milk left. Did she actually want me around for a change?
I also think she hits me in the head and pulls my hair because she's mad at me. And that she only wants to nurse lying in bed so that I can't get anything done. And that there's something wrong with her because she fights sleep. I'm feeling kinda disillusioned because I thought all this breastfeeding and babywearing made happy babies, and she's not. And I really thought I'd be able to just pick up and go places, but she eats and sleeps so poorly away from home that I can't. Also my DH's "I'm an expert at taking care of babies" turns out to have been a bunch of
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Someone please tell me I'm stupid.
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Or well, in a GD way I guess, I don't want to suck y'all into the mainstream, too.
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I don't think my daughter really needs to be walked around when she's cranky. Why? What purpose does it serve? Why can't I just rock back and forth or bounce her if she wants to move around? Isn't she supposed to have outgrown this by now, anyway? I'm really starting to think she was spoiled by us doing this. How can I even believe that? Spoiled baby? I know better, but I don't know what to think anymore.
I don't think she likes nursing. G-d forbid I offer when she's not hungry, she screams and looks kinda like this smilie
I also think she hits me in the head and pulls my hair because she's mad at me. And that she only wants to nurse lying in bed so that I can't get anything done. And that there's something wrong with her because she fights sleep. I'm feeling kinda disillusioned because I thought all this breastfeeding and babywearing made happy babies, and she's not. And I really thought I'd be able to just pick up and go places, but she eats and sleeps so poorly away from home that I can't. Also my DH's "I'm an expert at taking care of babies" turns out to have been a bunch of
Someone please tell me I'm stupid.
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Thanks.
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: I think y'all have excellent points.
I have thought about maybe this is just how her personality is, and maybe she would be more unhappy if I just parked her in a 'saucer in front of Baby Einstein all day. But then I waffle again... maybe she'd be happier... maybe she's sick of me.
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. And yeah, sometimes when she's overtired, I just have to leave the room and she zonks right out. But I know she's not always sick of me.
4 mo. Things are definately shifting though. Different eating/sleeping/peeing patterns just in the last week. And I'm quite overwhelmed, but it's like the chicken and the egg, yanno? I don't know which one of us started it.
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We've actually been using the hyland's teething tabs (yup, teeth coming, that's another contributer to the insanity here) and that has the chammomila in it. Should I try that all by itself maybe?
I have thought about maybe this is just how her personality is, and maybe she would be more unhappy if I just parked her in a 'saucer in front of Baby Einstein all day. But then I waffle again... maybe she'd be happier... maybe she's sick of me.
4 mo. Things are definately shifting though. Different eating/sleeping/peeing patterns just in the last week. And I'm quite overwhelmed, but it's like the chicken and the egg, yanno? I don't know which one of us started it.
We've actually been using the hyland's teething tabs (yup, teeth coming, that's another contributer to the insanity here) and that has the chammomila in it. Should I try that all by itself maybe?
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My dd was the same. I went into motherhood with so much peace of mind. I had practically raised all of my younger siblings and been babysitting newborns since I was a teenager. Nothing phased me. Nothing until I gave birth to a high-needs baby...
The girl wouldn't fall asleep without a crying fit. Everytime. Screamed in the car. There were times I would be stopped at the side of the road sobbing. She would only fall asleep at the breast if she was pinching me - HARD - with her little fingernails. I thought "She hates me". She would only be consoled by me, not even her daddy. I felt like a prisoner. She refused to sleep, but when she did, she would only do so with me at her side. My parents were convinced our AP lifestyle made her this way. Until...
My ds was born. He is all joy and lightness. Naps for 2 hours! Cuddles, smiles, and coos. What I hope you learn that has taken me so much time is this: It isn't you, mama. It is the personality of your dear litte daughter.
I can only take comfort in knowing that anything less than AP would have seemed cruel for a child that needs so much. For us, there wasn't a golden switch that turned off some of these tiresome behaviors. Just time -- slow and gradual.
Hang in there -- doing what you are doing. It gets better, I promise!
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The girl wouldn't fall asleep without a crying fit. Everytime. Screamed in the car. There were times I would be stopped at the side of the road sobbing. She would only fall asleep at the breast if she was pinching me - HARD - with her little fingernails. I thought "She hates me". She would only be consoled by me, not even her daddy. I felt like a prisoner. She refused to sleep, but when she did, she would only do so with me at her side. My parents were convinced our AP lifestyle made her this way. Until...
My ds was born. He is all joy and lightness. Naps for 2 hours! Cuddles, smiles, and coos. What I hope you learn that has taken me so much time is this: It isn't you, mama. It is the personality of your dear litte daughter.
I can only take comfort in knowing that anything less than AP would have seemed cruel for a child that needs so much. For us, there wasn't a golden switch that turned off some of these tiresome behaviors. Just time -- slow and gradual.
Hang in there -- doing what you are doing. It gets better, I promise!
Ohhh,
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to you. Ds was a pretty miserable little guy also. Looking back, I think alot of it had to do with teething. He is not quite 10 months and has six teeth! The kid was teething since he was born. Hyland's teething tablets worked great for me ds. Sometimes I would have to give it to him three or four times before it would work. Nursing seemed to make his teeth hurt worse. Maybe that is what is going on with your babe.
On a lighter note, a pp mentioned that six months was a turning point and nine months a bigger one. ITA!! He became a completely different baby at six months. He wanted to play, explore his toys, watch the dogs, and crawl. He was too curious to be miserable anymore. Then at nine months, he stopped wanting held at all. Now, if you hold him, he asks to get down. He took his first steps yesterday, so I am assuming that he wants down to learn how to walk. Now he is always happy and smiling, but he has all the teeth he is going to get for awhile.
I am not sure if this is helpful, but this too shall pass. Hang in there. I know it can be hard. Take a bath and let dh care for her. Getting fifeteen minutes of you time will refresh you and make you more prepared to deal with the fussiness.
On a lighter note, a pp mentioned that six months was a turning point and nine months a bigger one. ITA!! He became a completely different baby at six months. He wanted to play, explore his toys, watch the dogs, and crawl. He was too curious to be miserable anymore. Then at nine months, he stopped wanting held at all. Now, if you hold him, he asks to get down. He took his first steps yesterday, so I am assuming that he wants down to learn how to walk. Now he is always happy and smiling, but he has all the teeth he is going to get for awhile.
I am not sure if this is helpful, but this too shall pass. Hang in there. I know it can be hard. Take a bath and let dh care for her. Getting fifeteen minutes of you time will refresh you and make you more prepared to deal with the fussiness.
Dd was an unhappy little camper.
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Don't let anyone tell you AP makes babies perfect. I APed because I felt it was the right thing to do, not because it would make my child perfect which it certainly did NOT!
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I feel your pain.
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And let me tell you the payoff comes later when you see your child growing into a super compassionate person because you were compassionate to the child! It can take a long time though.
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Don't let anyone tell you AP makes babies perfect. I APed because I felt it was the right thing to do, not because it would make my child perfect which it certainly did NOT!
I feel your pain.
And let me tell you the payoff comes later when you see your child growing into a super compassionate person because you were compassionate to the child! It can take a long time though.
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The point of AP is to listen to your baby/child. Sometimes they want to be held close, and sometimes they want space to look around or explore. Sometimes they don't know what they want and just feel miserable. Sometimes they pick up on Mommy's tension and actually DO calm down more easily if Mommy and Baby spend a few minutes apart. You don't need to ignore your own needs just to satisfy the baby- in fact, if you're tense and frustrated from your own unmet needs, it's a lot harder to be calm for your baby. It's a balancing act- and you won't scar your baby for life if you don't meet every need she has the second she expresses it.
Some babies are quiet happy being bounced in one spot rather than being walked around. And no, they don't "outgrow" the need to be comforted by 4mo- the world is new and scary and her gums hurt and she needs you to help her make sense of everything. If one thing isn't working- try something else.
I do have some suggestions though, about the sleep issue. Some people are very sensitive to certain foods in their diets, some nursing babies are sensitive enough to react to something in Mom's diet.
Fast forward...my first fussy "baby" is now a pretty easygoing 16 year old ( he has his moments, but in all he is an easy kid.) My second, easy "baby" is now a 10 yr. old who will lie just because it is easier or more interesting, his hobby is complaining and he has quite a temper. What I have learned...this too shall pass. Both of my boys are wonderful in their own way and yes, I went through the 10 yr. old phase with my older son, so I am confident this will not last a lifetime.
Now if you asked my family, they would say we had spoiled both boys and just got lucky that somehow the older son "escaped" our wayward parenting just in time and will be okay.
I still believe AP works and hope my sons will AP their babies.
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Remember to take care of yourself.....it is essential in order to take care of your baby.
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s
2 high needs babies here...I have found that at the four month mark I have gotten totally worn out, both times. I think it's because you sort of expect the troubles to be over at 3 months, and when they're not...
Give yourself a little break, and definitely DO realize that it's not you. And AP doesn't make 'good' babies, it makes good people.
That being said, DS2 was angry like that. Just kind of mad at me, the world, whatever. I ended up taking him to the chiro for several adjustments, and he is a different kid, seriously. A sore neck would make anyone cranky.
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Remember that babies and kids are always more challenging (read:miserable) right before they learn a new amazing skill!
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Just adding a
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at 10 mos. Elizabeth has not been more than 2" away from me for days......I think I see a tooth so hopefully this too shall pass
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at 10 mos. Elizabeth has not been more than 2" away from me for days......I think I see a tooth so hopefully this too shall pass
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Just a quick skim 'cause I'm trying to hit the 1000 by midnight.
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Thanks, folks. I do feel a lot better now. Helps that I've had a shower and a few hours of mdc time while everyone else is snoring.
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Glad you feel better and it looks like you hit the 1,000 mark. Congratulations.
Originally Posted by paquerette Just a quick skim 'cause I'm trying to hit the 1000 by midnight.
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Glad you feel better and it looks like you hit the 1,000 mark. Congratulations.
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