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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
without beating around the bush...

battle #1:
My husband is dead set on the name Corbin, which I really do not like. I hope that doesn't offend anybody
He's not budging on it, he's dead set, and it's been his "boy name" for years.

battle #2:
I am against circumcision in every way possible. Dh wants any boy of his to look like him. We haven't discussed this one in length because we are both passionate about our views and it's ends in nothing but hurt feelings. Basically, he's drawing line line on my "hippy dippy" ways with this one.

AND THEN....last night I had not one, but two dreams about me having a baby boys. Now I'm really worried, for lack of better words


ARRRGGG!!! I don't know if I'm looking for advice or just venting, but I really hope I have another girl at this point...
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by leximom
battle #2:
I am against circumcision in every way possible. Dh wants any boy of his to look like him. We haven't discussed this one in length because we are both passionate about our views and it's ends in nothing but hurt feelings. Basically, he's drawing line line on my "hippy dippy" ways with this one.
For what it's worth, my husband and I also disagree on this issue. I view circumcision as the unnecessary removal of a body part, while my husband feels that being circumcised never did him any harm -- indeed, he points out that he's never met a man who felt that his enjoyment of his penis was in any way diminished by having been circumcised, and while it's true he can't compare the alternatives personally, he feels things are just fine as they are. We also know someone well who experienced unpleasant health issues for a couple of years as a direct result of not being circumcised, which may have some impact on his views.

Anyway, the solution we've reached is that since he's the person with the relevant body parts and personal experience, he's the one who gets to make this decision. I'm actually not sure whether he'd decide to circumcise a boy if we had one (among other things, it may not seem like a good financial decision, since it's not covered by insurance!), but we've agreed that it's his call to make.

I find that I'm at peace with this resolution, even though it may lead to a decision I wouldn't have made.
 

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I wish I had words of wisdom, but I really don't. This is a tough one. I have a similar concern about finding out this baby is a boy. I'm having an u/s on Tuesday and they think they will be able to detemine gender at the appointment. We agreed that this will be our last child, then, about a month ago, my husband drops a bombshell on me. "If this baby is a boy, I think we ought to try for a girl." I did not react, but internally, was thinking "are you crazy?" He really wants a girl, but I don't want to have anymore children. I am hoping that this is a girl, so we don't have to have "that conversation". Hang in there - I'll be hoping for a girl for you, too.
 

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First of all, I'm so sorry you've got such tough situation going on! For your sake, I hope you've got a wee girl in there


On battle 1, could you come up with a list of other boy names and ask him to seriously consider them? Is there a variation of Corbin you might find a little less offensive - Corbett or Cordis, maybe? Would he consider using Corbin as a middle name?

On battle 2, if he's willing, provide him with a couple of informative, but not wildly anti-circ, articles to read. This is what I did with my DH and it changed his mind, although I will say he wasn't dead set on circ'ing, he just needed to know there was no real reason TO have it done. If your DH insists, perhaps you could have him watch one of the videos of a circ being performed.

The only other thought that comes into my mind is that if he won't budge on either, you could pick which battle is most important to you and compromise with DH. He gets his name, but the boy stays intact, or vice-versa. I'm sure it's a terribly hard choice to make, as you'd both have to deal with one or the other on a daily basis, but I have to think that's better than dealing with both. Good luck, mama
 

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I wish I had some advice for you... My DH was pretty adamant he wanted to circ too, when we were pregnant with DD. It, of course, wasn't an issue but when I said, fine, you need to do the research and sat him down with a couple of websites, he changed his mine pretty quickly. All he had to here was that (a) there is a real chance you could loose the entire penis and (b) that about 25% is lost in length. It's funny how guys percieve things differently. I had a girlfriend , pregnant with a boy, who argued about this her whole pregnancy with her DH. They had not reached a conclusion by the birth, but then she labored for 36 hours and had an emergency c-section. Her DH felt that he "couldn't put the baby through more" so they didn't circ. But 18 months later and her husband is still bothered that he didn't go ahead and have it done. If he wants it done, he should at least be able to sit down and read the literature and figure out WHY!

I don't know what to tell you about the name, that's a hard one. Is there a reason he likes Corbin? Does he know that you really don't like it? As a matter of fact, does he know how you feel about both of these issues? Maybe it's not worth bringing up if you are getting an u/s to find out gender, but if you aren't, I would try to sit him down and have a serious conversation about how strongly you feel on these issues and see where he is willing to compromise. Good luck!
 

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The compromise that worked in our house was that DS is circ'd but it was done with the plastibell thing, where they don't use a scalpel. He had this little ring deal on his penis, and after a few days, the ring fell off on its own, like the bellybutton cord does. I also made sure the doc would use a local anesthetic on him, as I think it's ridiculous to assume the baby feels no pain with the procedure.

That's a question I've got to ask our new family doc, will she do plastibell circ if this is a boy? not every doc does it.

on the name--I pushed and pushed for a name we could agree on. He had some good ideas, and while *I* liked them and could say them, the average American (including his family) would have struggled. So I insisted he had to have an 'easy' name.

I too am REALLY hoping for a girl this time just because the boy name was such a struggle...the GIRL name is picked, Sophia. *I* was just as dead set on that as your DH seems to be with Corbin, fortunately, my DH just said "OK whatever"

If this means anything, I had a dream I had a little girl, she had my hair color I remember, and I called her Sophia in the dream.......I REALLY hope it means something!!! (the weird part of the dream is I had her at something like 26 or 28 weeks, but she was perfectly healthy, just extremely minature and I took her home the day after she was born....)
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Thank you for your words, ladies
I feel better just getting it out and even knowing that others have gone through similar and survived


I think I'm going to begin with trying to compromise, and with it being the name. I never thought about similar alternatives to Corbin. That will be the battle I choose. Hey, it could all moot anyway if I'm carrying a girl
:
 

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Tough ones.

On #1, I'd tell him the mother carries and births the baby and that if he wants Corbin you'll consider it as a middle name but that to ask you to carry and birth a baby and give it a name you hate is too much to ask.

#2. We had this fight already. To complicate the matter we are Jewish, so circumcision is something DH feels is necessary to make his son Jewish. I cried. I gave him all the literature. Not to be outdone, he came up with literature of his own. DS did have a bris (ritual circumcision). Our pediatrician did it at the ceremony. DS received a topical anesthetic then a digital block. I still cried. I gave him motrin for 3 days, round the clock, in case he was in pain. I still wish it wasn't done but DH wasn't budging on this one.

Or, you could try bartering one for the other. Baby Corbin will be intact but Baby [your name choice] will be circ. See which one is more important to him.
 

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Hey Ellie,

First of all, hugs to you! Secondly, I think that the name Corbin isn't bad at all and compromising on the name is fine. My husband gets to name this baby and that means first and second name...I got to name the first boy so this baby is his to name. The names he picks are weird but once our child is here the association will become one of love and the name will grow on me. That and I'll pick out a nickname that I like and that'll be the way I cope.


I think the circumcision thing is a tough one but ultimately your husband is fine and most babies who do get circumsized are fine. I would find a video of circumcision to show him the procedure and then if he is still gung ho about it, then the most you can do is pray.

Don't let these two things make you fear having a sweet baby boy! They are so sweet and your life will be so fun with a little boy running around...I promise you will not regret your baby boy!
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by zakers_mama
The compromise that worked in our house was that DS is circ'd but it was done with the plastibell thing, where they don't use a scalpel. He had this little ring deal on his penis, and after a few days, the ring fell off on its own, like the bellybutton cord does. I also made sure the doc would use a local anesthetic on him, as I think it's ridiculous to assume the baby feels no pain with the procedure.

Just to let you know that the "Plastibell" does still involve cutting, but they use scissors instead of a scalpel. There is still cutting, and still clamping. And it is in no way less painful than any other of the "methods" used.
http://www.cirp.org/library/procedure/plastibell/

The "Plastibell" is also known to have a higher rate of infection than other methods because the tissue left on the ring until it falls off is necrotic(dead) which makes it easier for infection to take hold.
http://www.cmaj.ca/cgi/content/full/169/3/216

WARNING GRAPHIC
http://www.infocirc.org/fourn.htm

To the OP: I am sorry to hear about the arguments you are having with your DH. I will cross my fingers for a girl....but baby boys are just so precious, it is sad to have to do so
If I was in your situation, I would definately hold firm on the nocirc and maybe lament a bit on the name. After all, if your child hates his name when he is grown, he can change it at any time. If he hates the fact he is circed, however, he is out of luck.

If you need any info to try to persuade DH, check out the Case Against Circumcision forum, especially the "Web Resources" sticky at the top of the page. Lots of accurate info can be found there. (My siggy has some info in it too if you like)

Take care,
Tara
 

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I'm hoping that both your dh and you can look at this whole situation as a place/time to bring you closer together inorder to care for your son, your marriage and your own individual selves. Your dh must seriously look at the videos, look at the info out there, and consider if having a son that "looks like him" is really sensible. Daddy's (like my dh ) can easily tell their sons the reason they look different is because people used to make mistakes a lot and think it was better to remove the foreskin. Sons understand this to be a good thing that their parents kept him intact.
 

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Yes, mamas, please do come join us in the Case Against Circumcision forum! I post there regularly, and look for threads on MDC where I think new mamas could use a little more true information on circ. I used to think it was no big deal too, but I have learned SO much from this forum. We very often have threads where a mama is at odds with her husband on this issue, and we have helped so many to convince their DHs not to circ. Please come!
 

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Not in your group, but....

Please don't let your husband mutilate your son because of his insecurities. I think this is one thing that mamas really need to put their foot down on.



-Angela
 

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If you could possibly come to terms with "Corbin," you could make him a deal.................he gets to choose the name and you get your way on circumcision.

Also here is an article that explains what is going on in your dh's head:

http://www.stopcirc.com/vincent/vuln...ty_of_men.html

PS. If it makes you feel better at all, I think Corbin is a cute name.
 

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This has been a very intelligent and thoughtful discussion. I have one point to add.

If the decision on whether to circ or not is based on who has the equipment, you are the one who still has her foreskin, so perhaps the decision should be yours?
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by A&A
Also here is an article that explains what is going on in your dh's head:

.
Sorry, cant help it:
BUT...Would that article explain what's going on in MY dh's head????
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by christifav
If the decision on whether to circ or not is based on who has the equipment, you are the one who still has her foreskin, so perhaps the decision should be yours?
:
 

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Once my dh knew what was involved in circ he no longer felt it was necessary. We are modest enough around here that the look alike thing will not likely come up, (and really so what if it does) so the idea of causing his new son pain just wasn't one that he was comfortable with. It can Always be done later (preferabley by an adult making the choice of how much HE wants cut off) but never taken back and how would you feel if you were one of the 'small' percent who did have a problem? The problem may not show itself for years, even until he is an adult. I look at my dear son and can't imagine letting someone take him out of my arms to cut off a part of his body, no matter what! No one has ever died because their forskin was left in place. In just a few short years a son will be capable of caring for their own body and it will not be something the parents will have to worry about, but he will live with your decision for the rest of his life.

And the name, do you have a reason you hate it, like know someone with it you didn't like or something? Is it possible you could make a nickname with it or call him by his middle name or something? Change the spelling? Find out what dh likes so much about it and try to find something similar. Like if it was grampas name, use grandpa's middle name. I guess if all else fails offer to make baby a junior (assuming dh likes his own name!) But with a name, in a few years you will be unable to disconnect the child from what you call him. I can't imagine my kids with any other name, it is just theirs.

Good luck!
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by skueppers
Anyway, the solution we've reached is that since he's the person with the relevant body parts and personal experience, he's the one who gets to make this decision. I'm actually not sure whether he'd decide to circumcise a boy if we had one (among other things, it may not seem like a good financial decision, since it's not covered by insurance!), but we've agreed that it's his call to make.
You are the person out of the two of you that has intact genitalia, therefore you are the one that's best in position to assist in making this (non) decision. Your husband's viewpoint is skewed because he has been injured.

It's not covered by insurance becasue it's considered cosmetic surgery. Think about it. Cosmetic surgery on an unconsenting, uniformed infant. Does that sound ethical and humane? Should you be allowed to have cosmetic surgery on your infant's other body parts?

Quote:
The compromise that worked in our house was that DS is circ'd but it was done with the plastibell thing, where they don't use a scalpel. He had this little ring deal on his penis, and after a few days, the ring fell off on its own, like the bellybutton cord does. I also made sure the doc would use a local anesthetic on him, as I think it's ridiculous to assume the baby feels no pain with the procedure.
Doesn't matter what it feels like (or what they tell you it feels like, what are they going to say? It hurts like the dickens?) you're cutting off the healthy tissue of an unconsenting child, that is wrong. That foreskin has purpose and is beneficial.

Quote:
I think the circumcision thing is a tough one but ultimately your husband is fine and most babies who do get circumsized are fine.
No, babies that are circumcised are not fine. They are all altered and injured. I think what you mean is that not all of them lose the entirety of their penis, but that's not the only damage that can be done. Losing a vital body part is damaging and very much not "fine". It's understandable that you think this. It's because you don't know about RIC and what the procedure entails and what is lost and because circumcision is your cultural norm. Once you learn those things, you'll never think that again. That's what I used to think, too. Now, I know better.

Leximom....name your kid whatever you have to to let him keep what is rightfully his. This may help you understand your DHs mentality:

http://www.udonet.com/circumcision/v...ty_of_men.html

MDC is an attachment parenting and natural family living website. Routine Infant Circumcision (RIC)- male or female- isn't AP (or humane for that matter). Please visit the Case Against Circumcision forum here to learn about RIC. We can help you find ways to discuss this topic with your DHs and ways to protect your children from this absolutely horrendous practice. Circumcision always hurts boys. Always.
 

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Crashing from August DDC to say the the Plastibell method isn't an improvement at all, since it involves crushing the blood supply to the foreskin and causing the tissue to die of gangrene.

They still have to rip the foreskin off the glans to put the little ring on, just like with every other infant circumcision method in existence.

eeep! Not really like the umbilical cord at all.

And you're sooooo not the "hippy dippy" freakazoid on this one. He's the one with the issues. Tell him if your kid wants to be circed as an adult, he can get it done then. Till then, elective genital surgery just ain't an option, especially with the national rates dropping like a rock.

I'd stick by my guns on the name, too. Surely there is a name out there that you BOTH like! Corbin's not bad in my book, but he needs to face it-- you're the one pushing this puppy out, whatever he may have dreamed back before y'all were together.
 
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