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Attachment grandparenting

  • Yes,it is normal

    Votes: 27 50.0%
  • No,seems odd

    Votes: 27 50.0%
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I need some advice here~i am all for attachment parenting.I cosleep,extended nurse,homebirth etc.My 2 oldest kids slept with me until they were around 3 and have been in their beds in their rooms for awhile now.They are 5 and 7.My two youngest are still with me.My 5 year old son likes to have someone lay with him until he falls asleep.Usually my dh or i do this but in the last 6 months my MIL who lives next door has taken over this.Pretty much every night maybe minus once a week she comes over at his bedtime and lays with him.Some nights my dh lays with him and then my MIL waits until he gets up and lays with him.A few nights she stayed all night.Then when i asked for her not to do that she started sneaking in the middle of the night or early in the morning to do this.I am having a problem accepting this but my husband sees no problem with it because it is essentially a form of attachement parenting.He sees her sneaking in her because i have stopped her from sleeping with him at night.I am out of place here or do you all think this is ok?
 

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Should have read your post before I voted. I don't think AP grandparenting is abnormal. I think what your MIL is doing might be. Why was she laying down with him to begin with and not you or dh? I think the fact she's sneaking around to do it just seems odd to me not AP though. Have you tried talking to her directly about it?
 

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AP grandparenting is normal, what your MIL is doing is not IMHO. If for no other reason than that she is not respecting your boundaries.

Quote:
Then when i asked for her not to do that she started sneaking in the middle of the night or early in the morning to do this.
Not cool, and a little freaky if you ask me!
 

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What's odd to me is that she is blatently disregarding your wishes and sneaking into your house in the middle night. That to me is creepy. I would tell her stop and ask your husband to support you on this. Is this just her MO? Does she does other things that you ask her not to? I beleive that grandparent can be AP but they still have to respect that you are the parent.
 

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I don't think AP grandparenting is weird but I think what you MIL is weird.

Quote:
Why was she laying down with him to begin with and not you or dh?
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I'm not sure I understand unless you explain why it started...
I would just talk to her if you are feeling uncomfortable...
 

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I agree with the pps. Also, attachment (grand)parenting is about meeting a child's needs. He doesn't seem to need or want an adult to stay with him all night, just at bedtime. So not only is it disturbing that she's not respecting you and sneaking around, but I also wouldn't necessarily consider her actions as being responsive to her grandson's needs.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Pam_and_Abigail
Now I know why some people find "Love you Forever" creepy. I never quite got it till now...

I agree with everyone so far that has said it is not right for her to sneak in and crawl in bed with your child.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH CREEPY BOOK CREEPY BOOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
SSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVVV VVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS SS

Scary, ny MIL is creepy like that and she gave that book to dd when she was litttle.

I DESTROYED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

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yeah, that's weird. when my mom watches my kids, she AGP's them - she will lay down with them if they need her to, carry them if they need/want to be carried, etc. but if i ever found her sneaking into my kids' beds at night without my permission and against my expressed wishes, I'd be calling the cops. As a survivor of childhood sexual assault, reading this raises HUGE red flags for me. I'm not saying your MIL is molesting your son, but it seems like the environment could be condusive to that - or to your son not thinking it's odd if some other adult who you've asked to keep away from him turns up in his bed.
 

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She is sneaking into your house against your wishes in the dead of night??? Are you kidding me? I would be LIVID. There would be some lines drawn for sure. That is so far away from ok that it is not even funny. Completely and totally freaky and disrespectful. I would go to her house (without kids) and have a little one-on-one discussion, clearly outlining what is and what is not acceptable. If she thinks that sneaking into your house in the middle of the night to lay in your child's bed with him is ok, then I can't imagine what else she thinks is fine. Does she wear your clothes when you aren't home? Does she read your email? She obviously has no sense of boundaries.

From what you've said, I don't get any vibe that anything REALLY inappropriate is going on (if you kwim) but it is still just super odd. Whether your dh and your ds think it is ok or not, it is just weird. I would put a stop to it today.
 

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My take on the situation:

Grandparents being AP is normal and good. That includes babywearing, snuggling, co-sleeping (when the grandparent is babysitting or visiting) etc.

I don't think it's normal or good for a grown woman to sneak around and "hide" from her DIL. The simple fact that she's ignoring your wishes IS a problem.
 

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Glad I'm not the only person who saw the Love you Forever connection. AP grandparenting is normal, one day (if not already for some) we will be grandparents, so I would hope what I am doing now will be normal when my children have children (if they do that is).

What you MIL is doing not normal, actually by what your saying she is being disrespectful to your wishes. She may think she is doing you and yours a favor but she is coming of as a tad creepy (with sneaking aspect). I would talk to her and let her know how you feel and make sure she understands.
 

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I think my MIL is AGP. When the kids visit her house, they sleep with her. She's very attentive to their special natures and treats each child individually and with love.

I think your MIL is out of line.
 
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