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In a quandary about TTC#2

549 Views 5 Replies 5 Participants Last post by  Messy Nessie
My ds just turned 18 months and BFng really is the mainstay of his diet as well as his emotional life. Well, I have been TTC#2 for 7 months now. I've only had 4 cycles in that time, each one shorter than the last, my most recent was 33days long, But sadly came after a very early m/c. I really though I was ready and was deeply pained by that loss, but now I am having mixed feelings. Thinking maybe my body is trying to tell me something.

I don't really know what I'm asking here... I guess I am just trying to get some perspective from moms who have children who are still nursing heavily past the 18 mo old mark. Moms who are trying to balance their own dreams of having multiple children with the reality of BFng & the natural child spacing factor.

I am extremely concerned about supply dropping off, I know this would be very hard on him and I know that in turn would make it hard on me. It would seem easy to say well wait till he's past this stage but my dhs schedule (he's active duty Navy on sea duty for the next 2 years) has been a big issue. It's made the stress of not being able to cycle normally and conceive even harder because we have deploys in the summer of 2005 and a 6 month starting January 2006 to work around. He was deployed 2 weeks after ds was born and I know I can't go through taking care of another newborn alone, let alone a newborn and a toddler. I know if we waited till shore duty ds would be well beyond this stage and TTC would be easier but I really do not want them to be 4 years apart.

I also wonder how many people really get pg if they have a child who nurses as much as mine does. He nurses about every 1.5 to 2 hours, round the clock. I post a lot on another TTC W/BFng board and many women have had to limit night-nursing & some daytime nursing in order to concieve. I really can't do this knowing how much he depends on it.

I am so torn over this. I really want to do what is best for my son, but I want another child too... I am going to do CLW, and don't want to limit his nursing sessions in anyway so maybe after all my body just won't let me concieve and stay pg until he is nursing less and I'm worrying for nothing.

Thanks for any insight or experience you can share,
Paula
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Thanks so much for starting this thread. I have the exact same issue (except for the deployment). We conceived DS sooooo easily, in the first month of trying. And we would really like our kids to be 2y or less apart. We're now in our 5th month of TTC #2. DS nurses A LOT at night, especially with a recent teething spree, and last month my luteal phase was much shorter than normal. My LLL leader thinks that the night nursing likely contributed to the short cycle. So, I'm also wondering if I need to cut back on night nursing in order to conceive? But I don't want to deny DS the comfort of night nursing that he adores... sigh!

I'm currently trying to coax my body into getting preggo by drinking gobs of pregnancy tea (rather than my evil coffee addiction) and trying to take naps during the day. Easier said than done while writing a dissertation, LOL! But I soooo want to get preg again and don't want to wean DS unless it's totally necessary.
I'm really sorry for your lost pregnancy. That's so hard when you so want to be pregnant.

I did conceive when my ds was 2.5 and still nursing every 2-3 hours so my boys are approx 3.5 years apart. I realize that you have very difficult schedules to work around though with deployment. I was actually surprised that I started menstrating again even though I was nursing so often; my mother is an nurse and told me that even extended bf-ing doesn't stop it infinately. At the time I conceived, my periods were quite irregular, so hang in there. It can happen. My second son is 2.5 and about 6 months ago I started menstrating again -- again somewhat irregular -- though he is still an ardent nurser.

Have you thought of trying to measure body temperature to determine when you're ovulating? I've never done that, but have a cousin whose periods were irregular and she used that method to conceive. Just a thought. Best to you.
Thanks for the responses! I knew there had to be some mamas out there with similar feelings on this.

Wawoof,
Yes, DS was the same way, concieved one month after we got married and we weren't even trying. I never thought it would be this hard, I knew I was going to BF but even though I read about the affest it has on it's hormones. I had known of w woman who got pg 3 months after giving birth to her 1st and she was BFng full time. Gues I assumed I might get lucky again.

How old is your DS?
I know, it seems like cutting back on night nursing helped a lot of women I've talked to online. Those night-sessions are supposed to suppress the hormones the most, but those I think will be the last to go for us. I know, he loves them so much too.

Noranorth,
I actually have been charting, temping/CM/CP, since the beginning of this year. I am on my 4th and shortest CY (7 months total trying). I do take B6 which I think is helping my LP. My first ppaf was when he was 11 months and he was nursing the same as ever, A TON.

I never did chart before this and like I said above we lucked out with DS because I too had irregular periods before the first pg. It's very strange to me that my last cycle was actually 33 days long. I guess I need to look on the bright side, at least I'm cycling. And I'm assuming if I got pg once I can again. Everything I've read says that BFng doesn't cause m/c especially that early, but it's still a little worrisome.
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My ds is almost 18 months and doesn't nurse as often as your ds. He has picked up a bit lately (due to teething, I believe), but was down to nursing 4-5 times in a 24 hour period for a while. I have yet to menstruate, so my hopes to conceive this fall are pretty well shot. I'm not dead set on having my second child at a certain time, but I'm beginning to wonder if I'll be able to conceive by NEXT fall. Apparently cutting down on nursing (which my son did on his own) doesn't help everyone's fertility. I guess I've come to the conclusion that my body won't be ready for a while. It seems that ds will have to stop nursing altogether before I can even think of getting pregnant again. Right now that seems acceptable, but if the situation is the same in a year, I'm not sure how I'll feel.
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Paula-

No advice, I just wanted to say hi! I used to be wannabe811 (Vanessa) over on Babydust


I had a m/c in May, also, a very early one. It was really hard for me as well. I am mourning the loss, but I think my body was protecting my DD from losing my milk before she is ready. She is still not really taking solids or a bottle/cup and i think it would have been hard once my milk turned to colostrom.

Anyway,
to you. i know you'll get some awesome advice over here- these mamas are terrific!
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