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I really felt drawn to share in this moment. Some of you will understand and<br>
some of you might not, but that is okay.<br><br><br><br>
I just got my period. A couple of hours ago. For the first time in three years.<br>
I feel overwhelmingly sad and sweet and gentle and womanly about it.<br><br>
This is the very last time I ever get to get my period back for the first time.<br>
My womb, that has held five babies in it, is going to be forever empty.<br><br>
It brought me into my womanhood at the tender age of twelve, when I was walking home from school on a spring afternoon. I felt a small trickle, and it quickly turned into a flood. I was so excited and spent many a day just waiting to change my pad! I was laid low by fierce cramps at times, and even stayed home from school when my mom would let me.<br><br>
I carried my first daughter in my womb for almost ten months. It didn't ever<br>
fail me, even when my birth attendants did. It was my uterus that saved the day, in spite of bright lights and medications and people who didn't believe in me.<br><br>
And it didn't fail to hold my husbands seed (that is sperm ladies *I am waxing<br>
poetic here*)when it realized that I needed my second daughter in my life, long before I did. It held her in tightly and kept her safe while I was scared and all alone. But I found a home in my home and pushed her out, so sweetly, and learned about the fetal ejection reflex and posterior presentation.<br><br>
And again, it was there for me with my third daughter. It held her in safe and<br>
sound when I was puking my guts out. It got her out when I felt I couldn't.<br>
Because it knew the way. It was very well used by her.<br><br>
And I bled after four months with each child. No matter how many I was nursing.<br><br>
But then I let out three eggs. And each became a child. And then three became two, and they decided to stay with me. And my uterus protected them. And stretched with them. And housed my placenta's that nourished them.<br><br>
And then it let me have my sweet babies. After fourty weeks. And I didn't bleed at all.<br><br>
And now, TWO years later, I hadn't bled for three years. Until today. My<br>
husband holds me and let's me cry that I can't have anymore babies. We made the choice together not to. I get too sick. I understand it. But it is so<br>
bittersweet to know that I will bleed every month and carry no more babies in my belly. It is really really sad and....quiet.<br><br>
I am a mother. I am a doula. I am a (almost) midwife. And this is a new journey for me. Please think of me as I go into a place in my life where I don't have a tiny one.<br><br><br>
I really wish I had my red tent tonight.
some of you might not, but that is okay.<br><br><br><br>
I just got my period. A couple of hours ago. For the first time in three years.<br>
I feel overwhelmingly sad and sweet and gentle and womanly about it.<br><br>
This is the very last time I ever get to get my period back for the first time.<br>
My womb, that has held five babies in it, is going to be forever empty.<br><br>
It brought me into my womanhood at the tender age of twelve, when I was walking home from school on a spring afternoon. I felt a small trickle, and it quickly turned into a flood. I was so excited and spent many a day just waiting to change my pad! I was laid low by fierce cramps at times, and even stayed home from school when my mom would let me.<br><br>
I carried my first daughter in my womb for almost ten months. It didn't ever<br>
fail me, even when my birth attendants did. It was my uterus that saved the day, in spite of bright lights and medications and people who didn't believe in me.<br><br>
And it didn't fail to hold my husbands seed (that is sperm ladies *I am waxing<br>
poetic here*)when it realized that I needed my second daughter in my life, long before I did. It held her in tightly and kept her safe while I was scared and all alone. But I found a home in my home and pushed her out, so sweetly, and learned about the fetal ejection reflex and posterior presentation.<br><br>
And again, it was there for me with my third daughter. It held her in safe and<br>
sound when I was puking my guts out. It got her out when I felt I couldn't.<br>
Because it knew the way. It was very well used by her.<br><br>
And I bled after four months with each child. No matter how many I was nursing.<br><br>
But then I let out three eggs. And each became a child. And then three became two, and they decided to stay with me. And my uterus protected them. And stretched with them. And housed my placenta's that nourished them.<br><br>
And then it let me have my sweet babies. After fourty weeks. And I didn't bleed at all.<br><br>
And now, TWO years later, I hadn't bled for three years. Until today. My<br>
husband holds me and let's me cry that I can't have anymore babies. We made the choice together not to. I get too sick. I understand it. But it is so<br>
bittersweet to know that I will bleed every month and carry no more babies in my belly. It is really really sad and....quiet.<br><br>
I am a mother. I am a doula. I am a (almost) midwife. And this is a new journey for me. Please think of me as I go into a place in my life where I don't have a tiny one.<br><br><br>
I really wish I had my red tent tonight.
