In-law vent regarding our parenting choices

586 Views 6 Replies 6 Participants Last post by chelsmm, Mar 28, 2006

forest~mama

Discussion Starter · Mar 27, 2006

Not sure if this is where I should post this~

Has anyone had to deal with things like this? This is what recently happened with my FIL. We had just been to our midwife, and she said we needed to be sure everyone washed their hands before touching 4 week old dd. We went to see FIL, and when we walked in, he was wiping his nose with the sides of his hands. I would have asked him to wash, even if I hadn't seen that. He went in to touch her and I said, "Could you please wash your hands before you touch her? Our midwife recommended that everyone do this being flu season and all." He just walked away. He wouldn't talk to me the whole rest of the time we were there. Later dh said he would have left right away in reaction to this behavior, but he wanted to see how long it would take him to wash his hands. He never did. He did not set one step toward dd after that.

Now I have somehow started a family war-FIL has blamed me for not liking him, making him feel dirty, no body else has ever asked him to do that, ect. I just feel like confronting him and telling him it shouldn't matter what I ask him to do, it's my daughter. This is the reason dd will not go over there to be watched, ever, without us being there. Our decisions as parents are not respected. Anyway, needed to vent, and see what other's experiences are.

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weliveintheforest

· #2 · Mar 27, 2006

Sorry your FIL isn't respecting your decisions! You'd think most people would want to wash their hands before holding such a tiny babe.

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forest~mama

Discussion Starter · #3 · Mar 27, 2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by weliveintheforest

You'd think most people would want to wash their hands before holding such a tiny babe.

That's what I thought, but I guess FIL and step-MIL live in their own secluded world. Apparently he told her about it, and she said that my husband's cousins dh also asked her to do that when she visited them in the hospital after they had their baby. She was offended by them asking that also! The best part is that she works at the hospital-you would think she would know all about germs and handwashing!

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EVC

· #4 · Mar 27, 2006

Yup, washing hands just seems like common sense. If I've been outside, I always wash MY hands before touching dd. How does he think germs are spread? (Of course, that could be a whole other discussion--my in laws think you get sick from drinking cold juice

)

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sapphire_chan

· #5 · Mar 27, 2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~lioneyes~
That's what I thought, but I guess FIL and step-MIL live in their own secluded world. Apparently he told her about it, and she said that my husband's cousins dh also asked her to do that when she visited them in the hospital after they had their baby. She was offended by them asking that also! The best part is that she works at the hospital-you would think she would know all about germs and handwashing!

I don't know, I've read a couple of stories from people that show pretty clearly that people in hospitals *don't* know about hand washing. If your MIL works in a hospital and she's got problems with washing her hands, it might not be safe for your baby to be in their house at all.

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veganf

· #6 · Mar 27, 2006

My father, (who died 2 years ago), would have reacted the same way, sadly. He only saw his older grandson twice and his younger grandson once on his death-bed (I didn't ask him to wash his hands, he could barely lift his hand, though the baby grabbed it anyway, whatever). We just called him a lot and let him talk to his grandchildren instead.
What is it about people not understand basic hygiene though? What's so difficult about hand-washing? Why is that request taken so personally. My father used to sit around watching tv clipping his toenails or picking his nose, and then he'd wonder why I didn't want to go near him. Um, yeah, I'm just a difficult person, uh-huh.
I feel for you, but I don't have the answer. I think you did the right thing though.

- Krista

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chelsmm

· #7 · Mar 28, 2006

It's too bad that you have to deal with this....My il's also don't agree with our choices as parents, but as parents we have to stick to our choices and remember that we are doing what we feel is best for our child. I sometimes would make it out to seem like I was an overprotective new mom, I know that's a cop out, but it was easy...
It seems like such a simple request too...

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