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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Okay, it is probably all my fault.

We moved thousands of miles away from everyone we knew, and I end up pregnant right away. I was worried about who would be here for DD and DS during the HB. My MW and DH said we would be fine on our own, but I insisted that DH call his mom and see if she would be willing to stay here for a few weeks/month over my due date to be "on call" for the birth.

The first problem (not at all for me personally, but for buying airline tickets) was that I apparently have no due date and my pregnancy is rather open-ended at this point. So, I told DH this and said that now it is looking pointless to having his mom stay here for a month, when it will most likely be the wrong month, yk?

The second problem was his mom not being able to say yes. (I love her and she is great, but) She was all "we'll see" and "I'll think about it... I don't know..." to the ppoint where I eventually just assumed it was a nice NO.

So, the third issue is then we invited his sister *instead* of his mom. DSIL has a DD herself, but they are not really AP so I figured there was a 50/50 chance that DSIL would bring her DD-3, IF she came. Well, DSIL got pregnant again and basicly had a bunch of issues come up herself, so she couldn't come either.

Fine. I was getting father along in my pregnancy and was being really positive about the situation. My MW told me all about how I do NOT want all these extra people around anyway during a birth, and I was glad not to have to do the extra cooking and cleaning that go along with it. We are also having car problems and DH is working a ton of hours, and it was just not turning out to be a good time to have people staying here.

So then DH talks to DMIL again, and now she has decieded to come and so had DSIL and her DD, and all stay here (our home) for a month. So, it was my origional plan, but triple the number of people I had wanted!
This is a big deal, as we live in a small one bathroom house. We literailly have no room to put three extra people! Then, with the car issues, and everything, $$ is tight and it would be impossible for us to feed three extra people (that would like double our food bill!) for four straight weeks. I am not being stingy- things are not the greatest for us right now money-wise!

Then, there is the fact of where they are not really clean people at all, and I *AM* and I am one of those people who will go nuts if the house is not perfect when the birth comes. I nest like a crazy person, but I like it that way, and I will not be happy otherwise.
I think it will end up either me doing the work of three extra people (dishes, laundry, cleaning the bathroom, picking up, etc.) when I am 9 months pregnant or with a week old baby. I do not want to deal with it expessially before the baby comes, cuz I have a history of pre-term labor that I do NOT want to repeat.

I just can't imagine twice the people living here for a month, or them being really happy here the whole time. As much as I love them, there are too many differences to LIVE together, like they wantch TV constantly, our TV gets no channels at all, they let their DD watch anything and love to rent movies, we are VERY selective. Just lots of little things like that.

All I wanted was ONE person, MIL, to come here over the birth. Now I feel like
, and DH says it is my fault for bringing it up in the first place, and all he can do is call and tell them not to come.

It would be awesome if they could stay in a hotel, but they have no $$$ either. I am sure they will have no $$$ to pitch in for food or anything, after the $$$ it takes to get here. As it is, they think DH is helping them with airfare, and he is not going to be able to because of our car breaking down.

The thing that really gets me, is yes it was my idea. BUT the whole time, DH is agreeing with me when we talk ("Yeah, we really have NO room for THREE of them!!) and then calls them and agrees with them, to the point of offering to rent them a van while they are here!
(With what $$, I don't know!) But as it is otherwise, DH will leave for work in the morning, and we all will be here in the house with no vechical until he comes back home. Plus, we only have a car, and there will be seven (or eight with my baby) people here who want to go places.

He is really the only one that talks to them, and if he would have just been honest with them (instead of trying to be SOOOO nice) from the beginning, we would not be here now. They would have gradually realized how things really are here, and understood. Now it will like springing it on them all at once.

Still, it is so hard. I love them and WANT them to come here, I just don't want three extra people living in my tiny house when I am THIS pregnant, or when I have a week old baby! I am close to just letting them come anyway, so I don't have to tell them no.
: What do I DO?!
 

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have dh explain that you all are so grateful for the wealth of support, but that you need to be careful how you use it... you don't want to blow it all at once!

how about having MIL come out the week after the baby is born, and SIL come out for a week after that? (check airlines for compassionate fares... you can get these cheaper than the listed fares, and on short notice).

a week is plenty long enough for everyone, i bet. and you can make sure dh explains that SIL's dd can't come this time, because you are worried about the baby picking up some bug that early on, but that she'll be welcome in a month or so.

can MIL and SIL drive dh to and from work, so you have a car during the day? at least a couple days during the week?

and can you relax about your house and food, and let THEM take care of YOU, which is why you wanted them to come in the first place!

don't stress on food or whatever... when the rations get low, and they get hungry, they'll forage... you can live on noodles and salads for the week, cheap cheap stuff.

have dh lay it on the line right now: you can't help with plane fare, and there won't be a van rented. you are in a position of NEEDING help right now, not dishing it out!

be honest and open, the sooner the better. these people love you and want to make things easier for you, not harder! give them the chance to help you out... don't make more stress for yourself.

laugh about how idealistic you were, and now get down to the nitty gritty of what you can do realistically. don't worry, they won't get mad (and if they do, well, then having them around you when you've got a tiny baby probably wasn't a good idea in the first place!).

good luck, get everything out in the open NOW, and enjoy the support of your family!

katje
 

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IMHO, you should un-invite them. I wouldn't see it as rude because you are pregnant. In fact, pregnancy and hormones are a great excuse! If you'd like to soften it, you could invite them to your home later, when the baby is a bit older- that way you won't be so stressed, and who knows? maybe your money situation will change.
 

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Quote:
In-laws staying for a month

:
I would go nuts with anybody staying in my house for a month let alone when I just had a new baby.

I would say un-invite them. IMO youll be much more comfy with just you, your dh and baby.

IMO it would be rather stressful to have company while in labor and getting to know the new one.
 

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I would tell them that the situation has changed, you never expected those many people all at once, and that they are welcome and wanted.. just one at a time.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by MPJJJ
I would tell them that the situation has changed, you never expected those many people all at once, and that they are welcome and wanted.. just one at a time.
Absolutely and your dh must do it and he must say it was his idea...because you were getting stressed about all of them coming at once, and you have had some really unexpected expenses(none of their business what) and he will not have you stressed so he decided to call and cancel(and you are very upset about this because you were looking forward to it)

... but they are welcome one at a time, sometime after the baby comes...
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Thanks everybody.


DH is going to call them and discuss the situation. He is a little miffed at me, because I brought it up in the first place... But he seems to ready and willing to talk to them now before it gets further out of control.

I do love them though, so I hope they understand and don't get hurt feelings.

Either way, at least we are back on track and things will be okay in the long run.
 

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hooray! good for you, faith... now aren't you glad that's out of the way? time to get down to business and grow this baby! can't wait to hear your birth story down the road...

take care,

katje
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·

Well, I have great in-laws. (That's good too, cuz someone needs to make up for me having to deal with my own parents!
)

DH finally just talked to them, and they were fine with it. Well, they were disappointed of course. But they mostly just switched gears into other ways to come, which is great.

The big idea right now is for DH's grandpa to come here (he has wanted to for a long time), and then his mom and sister and neice come with the grandpa. (It's his mom's father.) That would work out great, because this man can actually afford to pay for things, like a hotel room for them, etc. And since the grandpa works and could only take a certain amount of time off, the visit would not be too long either.

I don't even care if they come right over the birth anymore. I could just call their hotel and have MIL *or* SIL pop over here for a few hours right then.

So it all worked out.
 
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