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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
OK, so this came up briefly in a birthday party "no gifts" thread, but I've also seen this around. Let me set the scene for you: Invitation to a child's birthday party with "In lieu of a gift, please give <birthday child> a book!"<br><br>
"In lieu" of a gift?<br><br>
In the article I read, it said something like "To encourage reading, some parents are asking birthday guests to forgo gifts and give their child books for their birthday!"<br><br>
"Forgo" gifts?<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/confused.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Confused">: <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shrug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shrug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/huh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="huh"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/headscratch.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="headscratch"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/help.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="help"><br><br>
Have books become unacceptable gifts at some point???? We give books to every birthday child in our world (OK, DH works at a bookstore, but still). Is this somehow a problem? Are we inadvertently betraying our lack of knowledge of appropriate behavior with our E.B. White or Anne of Green Gables box sets, and if we had any class we'd just show up with a Bratz doll?<br><br>
My friends and I have been joking about this (a friend dropped by a wrapped book for Charlotte's birthday, and I said "Oh! Did you get this for her in lieu of a gift?" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> Still, I would like to know if this has somehow become a cultural norm--are books not gifts?
 

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In the words of Oprah: "Wow!" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:<br><br>
books are the BEST book in our house. if you want smiles and to feel good about giving a gift here, you give a book, or the ability to buy books.<br><br>
i wonder if im the owrld's worst gift giver because i almost always give books.
 

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Hmm hope not - we give books as a gift for most birthday party's we attend!<br><br>
I really don't like the "no gift" thing - I think it's so rude, even more so when they "suggest" you donate to a particular cause!<br><br>
I ignore invitations like that and buy the child a book anyway!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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On DS's invitation I said, "Connor would love getting lots and lots of books this year"<br><br>
I still only ended up with 1... but plenty of light up, zoom around toys that quickly made their way to the church... we just don't NEED anymore of that stuff...<br><br>
Next time I will request only toys for Target so I can return them and gets books... lol
 

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Books are great gifts, but they are not "IN LIEU" of a gift.<br><br>
The person should have said, "I am a control-freak parent who wants to dictate the gift that you get my child so please get a book as a gift."<br><br>
SHEESH!!! It's a friggin gift! It's not "in lieu" of anything!!!!!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>karina5</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7906536"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">The person should have said, "I am a control-freak parent who wants to dictate the gift that you get my child so please get a book as a gift."</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/notes2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="notes right-handed">: will use that on dd's next invitation<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
I feel better. Thank you all for validating my elitist book-giving! Seriously, I actually thought this might not be "okay" anymore.
 

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Weird, getting a book as a gift is not in lieu of a gift. Bad wording. We did do a little dictating at the last party b/c I felt weird saying no gifts please, b/c all the other parties we had been to said that, but everyone brought gifts anyway, and if you followed the no gifts policy, you would be the only one not bringing a gift. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: But I didn't want to not say anything, b/c everyone at the preschool we invited have differing ideals about stuff than we do (i.e. okay with princess stuff, character and tv based items, plastic flashing noise makers, etc) Another friend had a note in their evite that I really liked and I copied it pretty closely with her blessing. It went something like this;<br><br>
We are so excited to share the celebration of Ruby's birthday with you. Gracing us with your presence at her party is all the gift she wants. Should it be your heart's desire to bring a gift in addition to your lovely selves, Ruby really likes books and art supplies.<br><br>
Short and sweet and to the point. It worked out pretty well too. And fwiw, I think books are one of the best gifts to give. We often give a gift certificate to the local independent childrens book store.
 

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Books are a gift. I often give books as a gift.
 

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I guess maybe instead of buying a new gift and bringing it all wrapped and everything, you could bring one of your old books and give it directly? That would be what "a book in lieu of a gift" implies to me.
 

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We also give books as gifts. I'm surprised that some don't consider them to be gifts. By definition a gift is "something given voluntarily without payment in return, as to show favor toward someone, honor an occasion, or make a gesture of assistance; present." I think that includes anything from the weeds my dd presented me last Mother's Day to an old or new book.<br><br>
Bad wording on the invitation I hope.
 

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Books are totally a gift.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>roxyrox</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7906498"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I really don't like the "no gift" thing - I think it's so rude</div>
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Why is it rude?
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Nikel1979</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7907179"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Books are totally a gift.<br><br><br><br>
Why is it rude?</div>
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I just think it "presumes" that people will be buying a gift in the first place.....plus giving gifts is pleasurable for the person giving them. . I don't know, I just think it's a bit off. If someone <i>wants</i> to buy a gift then I think it's rude to tell them not to...and I think it's even ruder to tell them <i>what</i> to buy on an invitation. Sure people may ask you "what does dc like/need" but to put it on an invitation........I don't think it's polite.
 

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I think the problem is that the writers of the invitation didn't get enough books as kids, so they don't know what "in lieu of" means <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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Weird. I guess I need to revise my Amazon wish list, since there are so many books on there. I'd hate for anyone to have trouble finding me a gift! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue">
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">I think the problem is that the writers of the invitation didn't get enough books as kids, so they don't know what "in lieu of" means</td>
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Yup!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shake.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shake"><br><br>
I like to give gift cards to one or another bookstore. Letting someone choose their own book is like another gift! <i>or at least it is for me...</i>
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">I think the problem is that the writers of the invitation didn't get enough books as kids, so they don't know what "in lieu of" means</td>
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<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/biglaugh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="laugh">: <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/biglaugh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="laugh">: <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/biglaugh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="laugh">:<br><br>
What is it with people mentioning gifts on the invitations? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:
 
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