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In Mourning

757 Views 4 Replies 5 Participants Last post by  DebraBaker
My husband and I have talked it over and, if everything goes as planned, next year will be the last year I'll be home with my babies.

I know this is the best decision for our family, but I feel so, so sad that I won't be able to homeschool them and I'll miss out on so much. The one in my womb right now will be just under two when I go to school full time, which means day care for him/her and preschool for the other two. I am blessed in that they will be going to the school where my husband is principal. It's a small school and a loving environment and many of the teacher's are our friends. I know they will be in good hands. It's just have that nagging bad mommie guilt. I'm mourning the vision I had of myself. We will have about 2 years transition time before my husband can retire and be home with the kids, so it's gonna be rough on all of us for a while.

I can look at other mothers and see how well they've done working and/or going to school while raising children and often with far less support than I have, but I still feel like I'm failing them somehow as a mother. Or maybe it's just me letting go of my own dream of how things were going to go.
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. I originally said I was going to be a full-time SAHM to my kids, but circumstances- and people change- and more of that decision was a reaction to the struggles my mother had as a working mum in the 80s. Every child and every family are different and you just have to do what's right for you.
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Bad mommie guilt is a powerful thing, and it's hard to let go of. You just have to make good decisions about where your children are going to be during the day, and then trust those people to care for them. It won't be easy, it'll be a difficult adjustment, but you will get through it and be okay.

I'm sorry that you won't be able to live your dream. I just had to give up mine, too (went back to work last week) and it was sad. My only advice is to live each day at home to the fullest, don't dread going back to work or it will interfere in bonding with your new baby and in your relationships with your other children.

It will be okay. It's not your ideal, I know. But it can and does work out.

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One of the most important things we can do for ourselves in life is to learn to respect our decisions and move on.

I know the guilt can be tough, especially when you have time to dwell on it. I gradually moved from part time to full time daycare over the course of a year and that last day when I was at home with dd before she started daycare full time it was so hard to not just cry and hug her the whole day. But that would have robbed the precious time of its energy for something I could not help.

Enjoy this next year at home and dont let your dread over the future take away your happiness. We are here for you - you can vent your feelings and not be judged.

Yes its hard. But respecting yourself and honoring your decision helps to take away the guilt that can be so counterproductive.
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Gosh, I feel bad in that direction and Julianna will be in the middle of elementary school when I start working fulltime, heck, she'll be in middle school, actually because of grad school.

Everything is balance and you and your dh are balancing things. It never seems perfect but people do their best.


Debra Baker
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