[LHcj2008]

<p>My best friend and I were 6 weeks apart in our pregnancies and she just gave birth yesterday to a beautiful baby boy (hooray!!). However, the poor girl had a HORRIBLE labor. I won't go into detail here as I'm definitely not trying to scare anyone, but let's just say her active labor lasted much more than 24 hours and included a hospital transfer around the 24 hour mark and she ended up with 15 stitches. All turned out OK otherwise and mom and baby are healthy.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I cannot contain my excitement and happiness for her. At the same time, I am officially FREAKED OUT. I am planning a HB, and she planned a birth center birth and we've been together through this more or less from the beginning. Her sister kept me posted throughout the latter half of her labor and birth, so I was basically sitting on the other end of the phone stressed out, and I really felt like I got a pretty good sense of how crazily long her labor really was since I was getting the updates in real time (and yet I don't even know the half of it since I wasn't the one going through it).</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Well, needless to say, I know all births aren't the same, etc. etc. and that it is unlikely that I will have the same experience that she had. But I'm starting to doubt myself now, wondering if I'm in over my head or if I've just been floating on a cloud of ignorant bliss for the last 9 months. I've pictured myself having the most amazing, rewarding, albeit challenging natural birth at home where I can be handed my baby immediately and everything goes smoothly, and I'm sure my friend envisioned the same thing. And she was the calm one about birth! I'm the one who has had small moments of anxiety/panic here and there. I don't want to go into this feeling scared, b/c I know it can be a detriment to birth. My parents have not been too supportive of me having a HB, I think they doubt that it will go as smoothly as I've been planning it to go...now I'm wondering if they've been right all along that it isn't as simple as it sounds to have a natural birth.</p>

 

[MyFullHouse]

<p>I'm just going to send hugs! <span><img alt="hug.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hug.gif"></span></p>
<p> </p>
<p><span>I'm 6 weeks ahead of my friend (my 5th, her 1st), and I genuinely worry about how my birth might impact her emotions.  It isn't really a productive thing to do (on either end), but we all do it!</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p><span>Just keep chanting "Every labor is different" over and over!</span></p>
<p><span>Really, I've yet to experience two similar births from my own body!</span></p>

 

[nova22]

<p>Keep reminding yourself that her labor in no way affects your labor. You could just as easily say that if she had a perfectly peaceful and easy labor, it must mean the other shoe is about to drop and you'll have a horrific one. It doesn't work that way, try to keep your cool. It's especially hard to get close when you have people who don't believe in you, because there is that fear that they'll hold it over your head, but push them to the back of your mind and keep on keeping on. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>For what it's worth, I did have one absolutely fantastic homebirth and my next planned homebirth ended up being a premature c-section. The people at the hospital could not have been nicer. They all knew I'd wanted a homebirth and I feel that they were especially delicate with me because of that. Just take things as they come, accept that whatever happens, happens, and try to surround yourself with positive and encouraging people for the rest of your pregnancy.<img alt="hearts.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hearts.gif"></p>

 

[LHcj2008]

<p>Thanks- my friend and I are (or...were) both going through our first pregnancies and births together, albeit 6 weeks apart, and it just didn't occur to me that I would be this affected by her birth. It is one thing to read a birth story, but when it is your close friend that you've been comparing your situation with from the beginning, it is different. It doesn't help that my mom had a labor just like my friend's when she gave birth to me, so she thinks that a ridiculously difficult labor is totally normal for a first-timer, and she hasn't been too encouraging.</p>

 

[oyinmama]

<p>my first was a midwife attended birth in a hospital, it was over 24 hours, i ended up with lots of stitches, and i thought it was AWESOME. keep your head up mama, your birth is going to be special because it's going to be YOURS. sending you love and light! now go and kiss your friend and cuddle her baby and don't worry. don't refrain from worry bc there is some guarantee your birth is going to go XYZ way, but because worrying doesn't help. keep your eyes on the prize - that little baby on the way!</p>