Mothering Forum banner

1 - 5 of 5 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,552 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
O.k. There's a lot I could write right now, but the most pressing issue is that my ds (9yo) physically hurts the other kids---especially his sister (8yo) on a regular basis. Today's count so far is 3 times on his sister and 2 times on his older brother (who retaliated <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"> ). This time he pushed her and she fell into a bookcase. Her back caught the brunt of it and she has a line about 6-7inches down her back. Not life-threatening I realize, but why does she even have to live with the constant fear of someone hurting her? She was minding her own business in her own room at the time. Ds went into her room and just decided to push her for no apparent reason. Just felt like it. He told me that he "just touched her" (incidentally we have a rule in this house about not touching anyone--period). I find it hard to believe that he "just touched her" and she flew 1/2 way across the room. He also said that he "didn't mean it".<br><br>
I've gone through the whole "treat others the way you'd like to be treated" thing and we've talked a lot lately about putting others needs/wants ahead of your own, but it doesn't seem to be sinking in.<br><br>
Suggestions anyone?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,552 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
YES, it absolutely could be. I have posted about that recently. He will actually accost children at lunch if they do not give him the goodies from their lunches.<br><br>
We have been giving him NO sugar (aside from what he sneaks without us knowing), except tonight I decided as a special treat to allow ice cream for all the kids. Bad choice on my part.<br><br>
I will come back tomorrow with more of an overview.<br><br>
But, my question is: Even if he feels the urge to get physical, does the fact that he's dealing with a sensitivity or allergy exonerate him from being concerned with other people's feelings?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
335 Posts
What do you mean other kids? Is he in school, and if so is his aggression a problem at school? How often is he so aggressive at home? If it's really bad, I'd personally get professional help (child psychologist) if changing his diet and parenting tactics don't work. I can't tell from your post how bad things really are. But many violent adults start off as violent children, and not all of them come from bad homes, many come from good decent homes but have tendencies that can be helped with professional intervention. If it where MY kid, I'd be worried about having a kid that I couldn't control, if they where very aggressive and growing big enough to cause more serious damage. Then again I don't have an 8 yr old boy, maybe this is more normal than I think it is? But this is why I ask for more info on his aggression, who all he attacks, and how often it happens.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,552 Posts
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Here's a little more info--this may be long,but here goes:<br><br>
About a month ago a mom took me aside at the science fair at my boy's'<br>
school and told me what was going on at lunch. Let me preface this by saying that I think DS is addicted to carbohydrates, particularly sugar. Apparently what he's been doing is begging kids in his class for their goodies--candy, cookies, snacks etc. If he doesn't get the kid to hand them over that way he will resort to either taking them without asking or in extreme cases choking the owner of the items. So far there has only <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"> been one child who A was physical with (he choked him) when he didn't get what he wanted. Amazingly the school was complete unaware that this was going on. I met with the principal and he had "no idea" that this was happening. I won't go into my rant on that here, but suffice it to say that I don't feel there is enough supervision.<br><br>
I took A to our pedi who specialized in children's nutrition and explained how things were getting way out of hand. She helped him come up with some good snack ideas that were healthful and we reiterated our house rule that you eat only what is packed in your own lunch.<br><br>
In a nutshell, this is what I think is going on:<br><br>
Lunch is at 11:20. He is eating only the junk he can beg, borrow or steal and NOT eating the healthy food that I send in for him. So, my guess is that his blood sugar shoots up and then plummets. By 2:45 when I come to get him he is beside himself with nothing good in his system. Much of the hitting happens in the car on the way home. When he gets home, he is frantically trying to find something for a quick fix. When I suggest peanut butter on crackers or something else he has a total meltdown (read: temper tantrum on the floor complete with tears and moaning). He wants sugar and plain carbs!<br><br>
I have talked with his teacher to a small degree and she confided that she has caught him 3 times in the past 2 weeks trying to trade with other kids in the lunchroom. She is not always on duty, so I wonder how much is getting past the other monitors. So it's an ongoing problem.<br><br>
I had made a counseling appointment, but had to cancel because dh is not on board at all. He's got some strange phobia about counselors ruining our kids <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"> . So, I cancelled the appointment and started working with A on his nutrition. Counseling is not out of the question, but dh wants to contact other parents and ask them what they do if their children are this way. He poo poos the nutrition aspect of it, but goes along with it to a degree. So, I feel a little like I'm stuck in this by myself.<br><br>
Another thing that's going on is that we are moving, but honestly, these problems started way before we decided to move.<br><br>
HTH to give a bigger picture--sorry so long.
 
1 - 5 of 5 Posts
Top