Mothering Forum banner

1 - 20 of 31 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,262 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I assume it is okay to discuss this here at TAO. If there is a sexuality forum, moderator please feel free to move it!!<br><br>
Anyway, SEX. Making love. Or, any of many other words and phrases we have for this physical act of procreation and pleasure.<br><br>
I found the article to be wonderfully refreshing in a magazine. My dh read it and enjoyed it, as well. Sex is a wonderful part of marriage. The ultimate honesty and trust issue.<br><br>
I am 44+ and like making love. My husband is 49 and likes making love. We did it a lot while dating and we still do it a lot.<br><br>
After marriage, we approached the goal of conception with joy and laughter. We felt no pressure to conceive, though age was not in our favor! When we were lucky enough to get pregnant the first month we tried, we slowed down because we weren't sure whether it would be okay to continue early in the pregnancy<br>
We lost that baby, and the one that followed 6 months later. We were supportive of each other throughout our grief, and this brought a new feeling to our lovemaking.<br><br>
With our third pregnancy, our doc suggested we stop making love completely during the first three months, "just in case". So, we concentrated on other forms of lovemaking which avoided orgasm for me. When, in the beginning of the third month of pregnancy, I was having such vividly sexual dreams of my husband that I was awakinf due to dream orgasms (!), we knew it was my body saying enough is enough, and we resumed our regular love life!<br><br>
All through the pregnancy, I felt incredibly sexual and sensual. It was wonderful, and, I swear, with the exception of the one month when dh was away fighting wildfires, we made love EVERYday! Happily, I have a husband in great shape! We made love until the day ds was born, and had trouble waiting the several weeks post-birth to begin intercourse again!<br><br>
We chuckled over the pregnancy and post-partum changes we had to make in our sex life. We marvelled at being able to see the way my tummy rose and tightened during orgasm (since you can't see that in a non-pregnant uterus/belly!). Making love while weraing a bra was a neccessity unless we wanted to wake ds to nurse right before making love. Positions had to change to accomodate my big bump.<br><br>
The only time it wasn't so great was last year, when a fibroid was growing so big in me that lovemaking became painful and I had a hysterectomy to correct the problem. We made love the night before the surgery (we would have done it that morning, too, but were nervous about the surgery being just 2 hours later!).<br><br>
My husband still chuckles at the memory of seeing me in our guestroom (I moved-in there for a month post-op to avoid tummy punches & kicks from our co-sleeping ds), four days after the surgery. He came in to check on me, and commented on how rosy-cheeked and relaxed I looked. I grinned and said, "Well, the uterus is gone, but the orgasms aren't!" I'd been concerned that, somehow, the surgery would change my sexual response and made sure, myself, that it hadn't. Happy to report the only change has been positive!<br><br>
We've been married for 7+ years now, and we still have the passion in our marriage. Pretty wonderful for old folks, 44 & 49, huh?! We make love several times a week and are still creative!<br><br>
He is gone for a week on business right now, and I miss him both emotionally AND physically. Yes, if something happened, and we could NOT make love anymore, our marriage would survive. Marriage is MUCH more than sex. But, sex IS an important part of it.<br><br>
I have friends that, if the subject comes up, admit that it isn't a big deal for them. One couple, I have heard this from both of them, hasn't made love for years (and they are only in their early 50s). I find this sad. I am happy in knowing that my in-laws had a 50 year love life almost to the end of mil's life. She told me this herself! She said, though the parts didn't always work as they used to, they still kissed and hugged and found pleasure in ways they COULD, and to not let this part of marriage go. Isn't that lovely? We will do our best to follow in their example.<br><br>
So, how important is IT in your life and how much do you like it?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,292 Posts
Moving this to Parents as partners.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hippie.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hippie">
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
31,346 Posts
well, I wouldn't mind talking about it but we don't have a sexuality forum and almost all topics of this nature are removed for not being " family friendly". Seems we are only allowed to talk about it as it relates to pregnancy and postpartum recovery. So that leaves me out as I haven't been either of those in almost 15 years.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8,570 Posts
Good for you!<br><br>
We're also "every day" people, including nearly every day of my first pregnancy (and 12 hours after contractions had started!) but for some reason this time I have been having a lot of pain and we are now maybe "every week" people. This change has not been easy.<br><br>
People also assume that because of his age (only 41, but I'm only 25) it won't last<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/rolleyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rolleyes">: but I disagree. I think it can only get better, but maybe not until after this pregnancy. Now, instead of focusing on what we'd really like, it's just trying to find what won't hurt. And of course, people just LOVE to tell me that when I'm 40 or 50 I'll probably need to find someone else.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/rolleyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rolleyes">:<br><br>
I think not having sex during pregnancy is some of the worst advice a doctor could give, and it is often given arbitrarily. That and the stupid six-weeks-postpartum wait. Who would do that unless they had an episiotomy?!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,355 Posts
"Who would do that unless they had an episiotomy?!"<br><br>
Me unfortunately <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/blush.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="blush">: I was in absolutely no mood for sex after either of my pregnancies/births. I waited the requisate 6 weeks and then resumed lovemaking. After ds#1, all was fine, but after ds#2 it hurt for about 6 months after birth. After ds#2 my sex drive went in the toilet and never returned.<br><br>
I still have not regained by urge to have sex. It really is guided by my hormones. When I am ovulating, I have some urge, but otherwise, I'd rather sleep :LOL I feel really bad and a lot of guilt, but I cannot MAKE myself feel something I don't. I sometimes relent and "just do it", and I get "satisfaction", but it is not something that I am likely to initiate anymore (much to dh's dissapointment). I do wish that it was different and that I had a small piece of what other post-kid couples have. I working on it <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8,570 Posts
OK...I guess some women just don't feel like it. Who knows, maybe that will happen to me! Of course, I don't think women should have sex when they don't feel like it.<br><br>
I think a sexuality forum would be good, because sometimes I have "embarassing" questions and need a place to go!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,474 Posts
You mean Briss hasnt posted yet? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue"><br><br>
I like sex and we have it about 3 times a week. I defintely felt super sexy when pregnant and enjoyed sex very much during that special time.<br><br>
As much as i enjoy it, i cant say i was chomping at the bit to have sex when my kids were newborns. I was exhausted, sore and nursing constantly, the thought of another person touching me was too much to bear. this didnt last long.<br><br>
I think sex is important to a relationship, for me its something only we can do together, and reminds us that we are a romantic couple and not just parents.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,410 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">You mean Briss hasnt posted yet?</td>
</tr></table></div>
Is that an invitation... to post, I mean?<br><br>
Sex is my religion, and Marg is my church... I try to worship in my church as often as possible. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"><br><br>
I can't ever seem to get enough though, so sometimes I have to engage in self abuse practices that other members here have described as vile. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,474 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">Sex is my religion, and Marg is my church... I try to worship in my church as often as possible.</td>
</tr></table></div>
:LOL Good one!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,753 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;"><i>Originally posted by Arduinna</i><br><b>well, I wouldn't mind talking about it but we don't have a sexuality forum and almost all topics of this nature are removed for not being " family friendly". Seems we are only allowed to talk about it as it relates to pregnancy and postpartum recovery. So that leaves me out as I haven't been either of those in almost 15 years.</b></td>
</tr></table></div>
Since when? I haven't been here that long, but I would be surprised if a thread like this was removed for not being 'family friendly'. That would be downright fascist. Sex is very family friendly, as we all know.<br>
I mean, I could see if it got really explicit and orgiestic, maybe someone would get concerned...but that's not going to happen here, is it?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,163 Posts
For me, in this marriage (first marriage was a different matter,) sex is an integral part of our relationship. I love my husband as a person, of course, apart from his sexual nature, just like I love my brother or my best friend. But I also am very attracted to him, and it feels to me like my bond to him is strengthened when we are together sexually.<br><br>
It is a very happy thing for me. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,448 Posts
*Sigh* I miss sex. It isn't happening with ds so small and such a nurse-a-holic... Dh and I used to have an active and happy sex life, but I have no intrest now, and it still is ouchy when we have intercourse, and then the no time issue just makes it really difficult. I know it will get better, but its hard when you're in the middle of mising nooky!
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
31,346 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;"><i>Originally posted by WahPuhKahLoo</i><br><b>Since when? I haven't been here that long, but I would be surprised if a thread like this was removed for not being 'family friendly'. That would be downright fascist. Sex is very family friendly, as we all know.<br>
I mean, I could see if it got really explicit and orgiestic, maybe someone would get concerned...but that's not going to happen here, is it?</b></td>
</tr></table></div>
For as long as I can remember, here is a link to a new thread where CM has answered the question<br><br><a href="http://mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?s=&threadid=107315" target="_blank">http://mothering.com/discussions/sho...hreadid=107315</a>
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,357 Posts
Well, honestly?<br>
I don't know why I even bother getting horny. I hate sex. I like the thought of it, but since I have NO pleasure at all with it, it is a real waste of time. Maybe if my body would work right, it would be fun.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
646 Posts
Pre-pregnancy, we had an incredible sex life. Goodness, it was like the honeymoon never ended (even though we were down to once every 2 days or so)...so when we started trying to conceive and made time every day for each other (nudge-nudge, wink-wink), let's just say that neither of us complained!<br><br>
Pregnancy was incredible...I have never felt more sensual in my life! And that spilled over into our sex life in such wonderful ways!<br><br>
Now post-pregnancy, the first 2 months it was like my sex drive was kicked into high gear (even though we went without for the first four weeks since I'd torn and it HURT!). After 2 months, and it's waaay down. I think it'd help if I had a few more breaks here and there from DD (who I'm usually with 24/7) to concentrate a little more on myself and reclaim my sexuality. Hmmm, maybe if I told DH he'd get more nooky, he'd want to take care of DD more often! :LOL
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,753 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;"><i>Originally posted by Arduinna</i><br><b>For as long as I can remember, here is a link to a new thread where CM has answered the question<br><br><a href="http://mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?s=&threadid=107315" target="_blank">http://mothering.com/discussions/sho...hreadid=107315</a></b></td>
</tr></table></div>
I checked out the link.<br>
it was good to have those guidelines defined, and it seems that this thread here fits within those guideline as there is no explicit sex talk here. It doesn't relate to TTC or post-partum specifically, but relates very much to Parents as Partners.<br><br>
We'll see what happens.<br><br>
Carry, on carry on....
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,424 Posts
helppppppppppppp<br>
my hubby does not want to have sex since laina was born (4.5 months ago!)<br>
we are in love<br>
we have our problems sometimes but have a pretty good realtionship.<br>
i don't know what the deal is...i have tried to talk to him, come on to him, give him time etc...<br>
but i have been having amazing sex dreams everynight!!! and even wake up having an orgasam....<br>
i even day dream non stop about it.....<br>
i really miss it, and i know it will be different but i don't know how to get him to try...<br>
i think he is afraid of hurting me? or of getting preg again...we are relatively young (me 24 and him 30) but we are pretty broke and can't afford another preg...<br>
advice please!<br>
ps he had a very very conservative religious upbringing...sometimes i think that has something to do with it.<br>
i hope it is not my new identity as a mother that "turns him off"<br>
we are so dedicated to laina and love being parents.<br>
she even cosleeps between us in bed so that both of us can snuggle her at night.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,844 Posts
Hey justice, u wanna trade husbands? ONLY KIDDING!!!! It's just that mine doesn't stop---A 4 month break would be great....<br>
Ugh. I totally needed this post here. because it's become such an Issue with a capital I...After 2 yrs (still nursing) I get the desire back every so often...but get this--now dh is ALWAYS after oral sex---more to me than from me, tho which is weird...I was just wondering if anyone has been through this...I feel so much pressure! and guilt! but I don't wanna do it if I'm not into it, too! It's such a catch.22...I guess Briss doesn't have this problem tho'<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"> better to give than receive lol that's a good one...<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,228 Posts
We have never had a very active sex life as far as *quanity* goes - but when we do the *quality* is great!!!! So neither of us mind if it is sporadic...<br><br>
After the birth of my kids we waited a LONG LONG time - 5 months with the first and almost 8 months with the second! After my second I was TERRIFIED of getting pg again and against using artificial bc.....so none it was....but it did not put any type of hamper on our marriage, DH was very sweet to wait for when I was ready.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8,570 Posts
For some reason, during this pregnancy I have not found (receiving) oral sex that enjoyable. I don't know why that is...all I can say is it seems weird now.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/confused.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Confused">:
 
1 - 20 of 31 Posts
Top