Mothering Forum banner

1 - 12 of 12 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
78 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My partner just found out that a friend's friend's daughter is pregnant, doesn't want to be, doesn't believe in abortion, and may want to do an independent adoption without an agency.<br><br>
My partner wonders if this is the world's way of sending us a baby...is she crazy?! I gather we'd need to hire an attorney, there's a waiting period post birth to give up rights, the father's rights need to be protected...is this too nutty to think about or is there a possibility that this is what we're supposed to do?!<br><br>
We do want a baby, we're all set to do known donor insemination through a clinic (already did it for six months w/o the clinic before our donor moved), my partner is doing acupuncture to get ready...but we'd also like to adopt at some point, too.<br><br>
(for those of you following more than one thread, yes we have 3 and 4 year old nieces living with us...the birth of the child--unless premature--will be after the kiddos go back to their Mommy)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,304 Posts
laws vary by state<br><br>
in most states you will have to pay for the bm to have differnt lawer<br><br>
is the father willing to give up rights, or would there be a fight?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,933 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>bluezephyr</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9872484"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Oh...and does anyone have a clue about what the total attorney costs might run?</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
We did domestic private adoption in washington state. Legal fees were between $12,000 and $15,000. We had a bad lawyer in there somewhere and had to start over with another one, so that added to it. If we had used the same lawyer for everything it would have been $9500.<br><br>
Keep in mind that with domestic adoptions up to $10,000 of expenses can be claimed as a tax CREDIT (i.e. you get all the money back) over the 5 years after your adoption is finalized (i.e. you are their parents and they have a social security or temporary tax ID number.<br><br>
Also it is worth mentioning that the birth mom and dad were married and both filled out paperwork promptly, so our situation is a "best case scenario" as far as legal cost goes.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,225 Posts
We're just starting down a similar path. My understanding is that each state does things differently. I've been calling lawyers all week and have gotten lots of quotes in the $3k range, which is a lot less than was already posted. Not sure what the discrepancy is for? Perhaps paying for Bmom lawyer? I haven't had an official consultation yet, so there could be lots more to it than I know...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
362 Posts
Our lawyers fees were only $1500 and both first parents had signed off on the adoption right away. You do have to factor in the cost of the homestudy and I have no idea what the cost is for that since we were able to use our DFCS homestudy for our private adoption. The costs and requirements do vary from state to state and will vary based on circumstanstances as well. Good luck to you and your partner.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
433 Posts
I would be VERY cautious about this. First this young woman needs counseling badly. She needs to know the potential affects of adoption on herself and her child. I would never EVER adopt a child unless mom had had counseling before the baby was born. Also the father might want to parent at some point also.<br><br>
Also do NOT pay ANY expenses for mom. If she would want to parent at some point down the road she might feel an enormous amount of pressure from your paying her expesnses to parent. She may feel as if she "owes" you her baby.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,304 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">Also do NOT pay ANY expenses for mom. If she would want to parent at some point down the road she might feel an enormous amount of pressure from your paying her expesnses to parent. She may feel as if she "owes" you her baby.</td>
</tr></table></div>
I agree about other things -- clothing and so on -- no gifts, in fact THAT is the law in a lot of places, to prevent "baby buying".<br><br>
however I would like to point out that in many states the adoptive parents are by law required to pay for the bmom to have a differnt lawyer than they do if it is a lawyer done private adoption and not either an adgency or a foster care system adoption ....
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
462 Posts
I tend to agree with erin and MommyAimee, especially in regards to the counseling. There is a great organization called BirthMom Buds, created by birthmoms to help expectant parents make decisions about their pregnancies.<br>
You need to talk to a lawyer in your state, fast. You may have to get a home study done, and that would take time (a few months).<br>
The waiting period varies from state to state, and is generally about 7 days. Some states are much shorter (like CA and MO) and some states are longer (like PA and NH). You will need to track down the bio dad and ensure that his rights are terminated - if he wants to terminate them. He may want the baby, or his parents might. I've read of this happening.<br>
All that said, if this were me, I would go for it. It probably won't be more expensive than an agency adoption, and may be much less.<br>
Good luck!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,304 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">He may want the baby, or his parents might. I've read of this happening.</td>
</tr></table></div>
had this happen .... the b-grandma created all sorts of havic despite the underage dad wanting to give up rights
 
1 - 12 of 12 Posts
Top