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Hello,<br><br>
I just need to vent something... maybe I'm way wrong, but I feel like I have to keep my mouth shut because I don't want to ruin a 20+ year friendship.<br><br>
My friend is pregnant. Her first. She seems to be having all kinds of complications. My experience of pregnancy and birth was -- even with my twins -- relatively complication free and easy. We had all our children with midwives (including the twins who were born via natural childbirth at 38 weeks). I'm inclined to think natural is better whenever possible.<br><br>
My husband thinks that some of my gut issue with this comes from my own contempt for male authority figures and the fact that I absolutely do not trust most docs -- particularly male ones although I had a horrible, horrible female OB/GYN before I found the midwives.<br><br>
Anyways, my friend is telling me that her doc's philosophy is induce. He's already scheduled her for induction a week before her due date because he's concerned that she might not make it that long and she lives an hour away so even if there weren't any underlying issues he would schedule her for induction a little pre-due-date because that makes it less complicated.<br><br>
This upsets me so tremendously. I just feel in my heart it is so wrong. I just smile and nod -- and thankfully even that is over the phone so she can't see my face. She wants me to come down and be a part of things, and I just feel like something is going to go badly because of this doc and I do not want to be in the middle of it because I don't think I can handle it.<br><br>
I'm trying to suck it up because I feel I will need to be there... but I just feel like this guy is AWFUL and I don't even know him. She keeps telling me how wonderful he is and how she trusts him SO completely. Whatever.<br><br>
My feelings about him are the same as the female doc I walked out (about the 4th doc at that point) on when I was preggo with my daughter -- I wouldn't let him deliver a pizza, let alone my baby.<br><br>
Thanks!<br>
Zoelda
 

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I would simply tell her that while you love her and would love to be there that a hospital induction without medical reason makes you too uncomfortable to be good support for her. Try to put it in the context that you are looking out for her and her best interest in labor, and that is not to have you be there. Then, if she wants more info you, can share the risks of induction and what not or you could leave it with you love her and want what's best without attacking her choices. I would find that situation enormously difficult! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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Is there a book you can lend her? I would just talk to her one time about her induction plans, then leave it at that unless she shows interest and asks you questions directly, then I feel it is your obligation to answer honestly. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink ykwim?
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"><br><br>
I recommend a good book like Pushed, too.
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">her doc's philosophy is induce</td>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">: Oh yeah. That's evidence based medicine. That's an ACOG recommendation. "Induce." <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:<br><br>
I'm sorry; I would have a hard time with it. I don't think I could be there for the birth, but I would make an excuse and offer to visit post-partum. Then I wouldn't witness what I would probably consider a difficult or upsetting birth and be able to offer support.<br><br>
And I would steel myself hard against any and all comments about the birth post-birth, b/c the last thing the pp mama needs is me saying "told you so!" (though it's hard to say nothing at all, or even agree when you disagree).<br><br>
Depending on the friend and the particular relationship, I might try to give her a good book to read so she at least knows why inducing might not be a good idea, but that really depends on whether the friend would be open to it or just hostile/offended. At the end of the day, it is her body, her choice. I have a hard time accepting when women don't become informed and educated, but at the same time I can't force it on them and I don't want to ruin a relationship over something that, quite possible, won't matter the smallest bit to that mother later.<br><br>
Sorry that's so jarbled; just my thoughts.
 

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I don't think you should be there at that birth- your anger and negativity will only make things worse and make her feel bad about her birth expeirience (which she may otherwise enjoy in spite of interventions) and could strain the friendship.<br><br>
I think you should tell her that you're uncomfortable with sheduled inductions for no medical reason, and you aren't really capable of fully supporting her during birth if that's what she chooses to do. Make it clear that you're not judging her for her choices, just sharing your own limitations- what you can and cannot do for her. Also send her some information about natural birth and potential dangers of interventions, so she can make a truly informed decision.
 

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in a situation like this...its hard because you know better but you aren't the "authority" and she probably won't listen...but what you can do is print out the FDA alert on Cytotec and make sure she is informed about what drugs will be used to induce- Cytotec is by far the most dangerous and even MDs speak out against its use in labor induction, make sure she is aware of what the Bishop score is so that she can make sure she at least has a favorable score before agreeing to induction (if she doesn't have a favorable Bishop score (meaning her cervix hasn't even started to dilate or efface), she isn't in any danger of suddenly going into labor and not making it to the hospital since she is only an hour away!), and help her decide on the least interventive route possible (usually stripping the membranes and using Cervadil, though she will likely end up with pitocin...).<br><br>
Its hard to talk someone out of something they are so accepting of and even excited about, but helping her be informed of her options can help her to start taking more responsibilty for her labor and ultimately the health of herself and her baby.
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Ruthla</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9926865"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I don't think you should be there at that birth- your anger and negativity will only make things worse and make her feel bad about her birth expeirience (which she may otherwise enjoy in spite of interventions) and could strain the friendship.<br><br>
I think you should tell her that you're uncomfortable with sheduled inductions for no medical reason, and you aren't really capable of fully supporting her during birth if that's what she chooses to do. Make it clear that you're not judging her for her choices, just sharing your own limitations- what you can and cannot do for her. Also send her some information about natural birth and potential dangers of interventions, so she can make a truly informed decision.</div>
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I agree.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> You need to be true to yourself. You can still be a good friend to her and not be there at her birth. Just tell her straight that you know you aren't going to be the support she needs at a time like this.
 

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Havent read PP so sorry if this is repeat info.<br><br>
I would inform her that first time moms being induced have a 50% chance of it ending in a c/s. So tell her that she may labor for hours and hours (and even if she gets an epidural,they dont always work 100%) and still get cut and end up with a long, hard recovery. Its the worst of both worlds, so to speak. I think this line of thinking goes a long way with non crunchy folks because its just talking what could happen, not whats "best" or more "natural", since those are very subjective.<br><br>
Also tell her that 1st time moms do not typically have their babies in under 1 hr from 1st ctx to delivery. If she allows labor to start on its own, she should have plenty of time while the ctx are still manageable to get in the car and get there (since it doest sound like she would be one of those - labor at home til the last minute kind of people anyway).<br><br><br>
Basically, I would try to meet her where she is at, with facts and info and see if you can gently convince her to at least let the baby choose its own birthday. That goes a long way towards avoiding that primary c/s.<br><br>
As to reasons why she would not want that c/s, let her know that it could affect future fertility and make her future pregnancies more high risk. Again, just facts, not feelings. yk? Things that no one talks about in this "c/s is best" society we live in today.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>BensMom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9930569"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I would inform her that first time moms being induced have a 50% chance of it ending in a c/s.</div>
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Only true if you have a poor Bishop's Score/unfavorable cervix. Just wanted to point that out for accuracy's sake. Bishop's Score is definitely something she should be thinking about, though it sounds like she's not very interested in information.
 
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