Mothering Forum banner
1 - 5 of 5 Posts

· Registered
Joined
·
289 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hello,

I have a friend who has been TTC for 1.5-2 years and has gone through various treatments. She is very depressed and I have run out of things to say to her. She also lives far away. I thought maybe I could cheer her up with a little "gift basket" of some kind, but I have no idea what to put in it and I certainly don't want to offend her or depress her further.

Has anybody got any ideas? What would you want/have wanted? I was hoping for some ideas beyond the tea and peppermint foot rub or whatever. But maybe that would be the best thing.

Be creative!

Also, some ideas for supportive things to say. . . poems. . . what have you. . .

Thanks!

MisfitMama
 

· Registered
Joined
·
1,184 Posts
I think the most helpful things people said to me were on the order of "I'm here for you, I'm available to listen, I love you no matter what, etc etc." It's OK to run out of things to say, this kind of grief is so intense and so constant and so tied to your womanhood that words really don't address the pain. For me, anyway, presence does that better - your contact long distance is probably presence enough if she's depressed. I remember I didn't even want my parents to call me on the phone for a long time, I just emailed them. Bad times, bad times... Others here may have ideas on poems, etc that are/were helpful...

Make sure you check periodically to see if she has the kind of support system around her locally that will help her get professional help for the depression as needed - this was an issue for me several times and I'm very fortunate to have family that helped me get the help I needed to keep on going with life. It's OK to let her know how much you love her and how much you'd miss her if she were gone, if her depression has taken her down the route of thinking her life isn't worth living anymore.

As far as a gift basket, I think it's a lovely idea, but if I might suggest that it be not so much something to cheer her up (this is, unfortunately, not likely to happen because of anything that would come in a gift basket) as something to remind her of your friendship and your care and love for her. Maybe a small photo album including old (and maybe funny) photos from your younger (and happier) days together; a dried version of her favorite flower; gift certificates to a favorite restaurant or shop; tea and peppermint foot rub stuff if that means something to your relationship (I would throw that right out but that's just me :LOL just make sure you personalize it for her and you); tickets to a theatre or concert or something that you know she enjoys; a new shirt or some article of clothing simple but nice in her size... you get the idea. Something that's about her, about you, about your relationship, about how much she means to you, and so on.

You're a sweet friend and she's lucky to have you. I'd love an update when you decide what to put in the gift basket, send it, get her reaction. I still have some things from those sad days that people gave and that I'll never part with.
 

· Premium Member
Joined
·
23,870 Posts
I gotta tell you - if someone had sent me a gift basket I probably would have kissed them.


While it isn't going to solve the problem, it sure would make me feel like I could talk to them.

Stuff for her...massage stuff? Things for her and her partner (if she has one), tickets to something, gift card to a restaurant, some nice tea, bubble bath, maybe a fully stocked picnic basket.

TTC is hardon relationships...so something that she and her partner can spend time doing together. A time out basically.

Otherwise, just be there for her. She may just want to rant and rave and be angry, or cry. And just listening without changing the subject is a huge thing. Most people get uncomfortable and change the subject.

Good luck
 

· Registered
Joined
·
403 Posts
Hi

I also think it's a really sweet idea, and I bet your friend will really appreciate it. Most of my friends dropped off the face of the earth after I miscarried so...

If you're good at any crafts, you could make her something. One of my friends makes me things for my bday's and christmas and I love it! She also sends me postcards with different reasons why she loves me.

You could also get a dvd of a fun movie that maybe you saw together or a cd of a favorite band.

You could check a local bookstore for a short story collection on Friendship (I had one on sisters that I loved and gave to a friend).

Think about your friends's hobbies and personality and try to target her interest. You could pick a theme (yoga, Brad Pitt movies, whatever...) and buy things related to that.

Good luck

M
 

· Registered
Joined
·
1,373 Posts
chiming in to say i think it's a really sweet idea, too. personal items for her like massage/bath/lotion things, candles, chocolate, a good book, a pic of the 2 of you, etc. TTC with difficulty is such a hard road-she will appreciate the thought-don't be surprised if she cries!
 
1 - 5 of 5 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top