[mom2emerson]

My DH and I were planning on starting to TTC this next month/cycle. I'm starting to question now whether the timing is really right. When we decided to try for DD#1, it was always with the understanding that we would try for a #2 and I wanted them relatively close in age.

I am a few months away from turning 39. I had a wonderful pregnancy other than being "high risk" because of age and GD. Originally we planned on starting to TTC when DD turned one, but it really seemed too soon to me then and we put it off to this summer. DD is now almost 16 months old. We are still happily nursing and I had planned on weaning before the next preg if necessary. I know you CAN get preg while nursing, but I remembered how sensitive my breasts were while preg with her and couldn't imagine nursing in that condition. I've also heard that the milk supply can decrease significantly when preg. To top it all off, DD is also still not sleeping through the night.

I guess the issues that are making me question if it is too soon to start TTC are:
*I don't want to shorten DD's "baby time"-one on one time she gets with me/us now. I've heard that at 3yrs they are more independant and the spacing off siblings is ideal.
*I don't want to stop nursing when she may not be ready. The next will not have to have his/her time cut short because he/she will be the last, so is it fair to DD to have that time shortened?
*I'd like to sleep for a few months before beginning the next cycle of new baby sleepless nights...hopefully that will come soon with DD (sleeping)
*there has been some stress between DH and I the last 10 mos (a major move, finances, and lack of sleep will do that). DD had the best possible emotional gestational environment possible-her personality shows it. I want #2 to have as great a start as she had. DH and I are going in that direction but aren't there yet.
*and lastly, I'm still a little freaked out about finances since going to a part time job after DD was born and the thought of childcare for a second (albeit 2 days only) is very scary. I've started a WAHM business and it has been really well received thus far, another year could very well see it doing really well, thereby taking away some of that stress

On the other hand:
*I am on the older side of moms. I have been blessed with fertility thus far (a 17 yr old daughter with no "attempt" at getting preg and DD with DH on try #1). I know that as I get older, that may not be the case. I also know odds of certain birth defects increases expodentially.
*I do want DD and a sib close in age so they can be close as they grow up. Does one year make that much of a difference in that?

DH is really fine with any decision on timing.
I know it seems like the lists aren't equal and it should be an easy decision, but it's not.

Any input or thoughts you have on the points I've brought up would be greatly appreciated!!!!!!

~Namaste

 

[Twilight]

Everyone goes through this dilemma for planning more children... not exactly the same circumstances... but there are pros and cons either way! I can't relate to all your points but here is my take on a few of them...

- My DD is 22 months old and we are now TTC #2. I started weaning her around 19 months and she finished weaning a little after 20 months. I have mixed feelings about it (of course). Some nursing sessions were pleasant and others weren't. There were times that I wanted to just give hugs and snuggles instead of being a human pacifier. Yet it still felt too soon in so many ways. But I wanted to TTC so I just tried a "don't offer and if she asks try to distract her and if she asks again go ahead and nurse" policy. She did wonderful and sailed right through it. Her nursing went up and down but mostly was nursing less and less... after we weaned there was a time she saw the Boppy laying in the corner and said to me "num nums... I like num nums"... she didn't actually ask to nurse, but omg she remembered! That made me happy and sad at the same time! So overall weaning went fine at that age and the whole nursing relationship ended well. I don't think either she or I feels deprived, but I miss it. I do feel a little bad that #2 may get to nurse longer than she did. But my worst fears, that we'd be less attached or that she'd get sick a lot more often, weren't realized, so that gave me a little relief...

- Spacing... if we get pregnant soon then DD and #2 will be 2 1/2 to 3 years apart and I am very comfortable with that spacing. My DH had a sister that was 5 years older than him, and they were not close. I feel like 3 years is close enough in age that they'll be friends, and plus it'll be nice that DD will be old enough to help out and be a bit more independent.

- Child care... I worry about this too. spacing them closer to 3 years apart will help. Day cares for children under age 3 are more expensive than preschools for the 3-and-over set. If I take a 6 month maternity leave that leaves us a little time without paying for daycare... and we feel that we can afford one in preschool and one in infant daycare... but it would be harder to afford two in infant daycare.

- The sleep thing is hard.

I have to admit a sort of non-AP approach to sleep; when DD was around 13 months old we did sleep training with a book called "Good Night Sleep Tight" by Kim West. DD was waking a LOT at night and we could not cope as a family anymore, otherwise I wouldn't have tried it. I won't tell you to do the same thing, but I can compare how I feel now with how I felt then and say I am really really glad that we are TTC now as opposed to when DD was 11 months old and waking 4 times a night. It's nice to go into this with a more positive outlook on life and better health.

I can't give you a lot of insight on the age thing or the finances but it sounds like your gut is kind of telling you the time isn't right... and I can't imagine that age-wise / fertility-wise, that much will change in 4-6 months... all signs seem to be pointing to wait just a bit... but this isn't just a gut decision, it's a heart decision, and that part of you is very important too!

Hugs and good luck!

 

[OTMomma]

I think if your heart is telling you its not time yet, then waiting a few months is probably the right choice. Personally, I believe that how well your kids get along is more a matter of personality than exactly how many months apart they are, so I don't think waiting until you feel more ready will hurt their relationship at all.

If you feel it is time- you could consider night weaning your dc (there is a good book called Good Nights by Dr. Jay Gordon that you should check out), and see if you feel better after a few nights of good sleep. The method does take some time, but like I said, I don't think a few months matters much.

Good luck with your decision

 

[JBaxter]

I am 38 and my youngest DS is 19months. I just had a long discussion with my ped about spacing. According to him and he couldnt remember the name of the study he read a long study ( decades) was recently completed which said anything over 22 months between siblings gave enough "baby" time. He also commented that more or less was not bad but the survey was determining adaquate "infant" time with parents. By 22 months they are able to communicate better and under stand more. We are planning another and are TTC after an early loss. I have 2 older DSs also 13 & 10 and I can tell you the 35 months worked out well. I had one potty trained before the other was born he understood about the baby and would BF his elmo along with me

Jeana

 

[Mearaina]

I don't know if this will help, but here goes:

I had sore breasts when I got pg with my third and was nursing my second. It didn't hurt as much as I thought it would, it actually hurt less then when I was pg with the others and not nursing. However, I m/c after 2 months.Now I am ttc again, we'll see what happens.

My girls are 2 years apart, almost to the day. They are best friends and love each other very much. However, maybe they would be like this if they were 4 years apart, who knows?

Money is a difficult issue, and childcare is expensive. Maybe you could trade services for free with another mom? I can't help too much on that one.

I was afraid that my oldest wouldn't get enough baby time, as well, but I found that I give them a lot of baby time together. They just turned 3 and 1, and I often have them both in my lap, rocking them, reading books, and singing songs.

The sleep thing can be rough. My girls are good sleepers so I can't give too much advice there.

You have to do what's right for you. I didn't listen to anyone about timing my babies (everyone said to wait longer) and it worked out great. Listen to your heart and it'll work out okay for you, too. Good luck.

 

[mom2emerson]

Thanks so much for your wonderful supportive responses. I do feel that the fact that I have so many doubts is telling me I should wait just a little longer. Since I do plan on TTC in the not so long future, I'll be lurking here reading posts in the meantime.

Best wishes, happy conceptions and blessed births to all of you!!!!!

-Debora

 

[Yo Becca]

Others have given great advice - the only thing I wanted to add is to not get too caught up on things being equal or fair b/tw your kids. The second gets to be a baby longer, the first gets undivided attn. - but it'll never be equal. Best to let that go - you'll manage to be the best mother you can under the circumstances that pan out! Neither will suffer undue harm.