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So, I posted the isurance part of this in the frugality forum. I'm wavering on my homebirth-iness. Our insurance is so expensive and it kills me to not even use it. Our midwife is not expensive for our area ($2400) and I really like them and DH likes them and eveything is just peachy, but there is no way insurance will pay.<br><br>
Between insurance premiums and homebirth we'll be spending like a quarter of DH's gross income on healthcare. I thought about cheap insurance, but then if I do need to transport I'll be stuck iwth not only the midwife fees but also like a 5k deductible. No way in heck can we we afford $7400 for the birth!<br><br>
But every time I even try to think about a hospital birth I end up in tears. I can't even imagine being in labor in a hospital. It's just so public and so cold and so ick. Dh and the midwives keep trying to assure me that I'm worth it, but y'know I'm worth full-time staying at home with babe and having a nice house--we can't afford it. I wonder if this mightn't be one of the times it can't be about what I'm worth and itneeds to be about what we can realistically afford.<br><br>
But ick, a hospital birth? With strangers and who knows whhat weird stuff.<br><br>
MY old doctor is an osteopath though who works out of an all osteopahtic hospital. I tried to call the doctor today to set up a consult just to talk and ended up talking to an L&D nurse at the hosptial instead (stupid insurance directories!), and she talke dto me for like half an hour and was really nice and got very heated about how frustrating it is to see these women who insist on repeat c-sections bc it's easier; I mentioned how my mom has always had problems from havign so many (unnecessary) sections and she totally into it and talking about how frustrating it is when celebs get elective c-sections and how she likes the osteopathic hospital bc they don't do things like you consent to epi in advance.<br><br>
But she also said that their section rate is about 25%, although half at least are elective repeats (I didn't ask about v-bac policies, but I got the impression that they tend to encourage v-bac there). I mean, if i'm gonna go to a hospital, this is definitely the hosptial to go to.<br><br>
And just to put the icing on the cake I found that my dr and the otehr woman in the practice split off from the three old school interventionist men in the practice and hired to more female D.O.'s, so if I did go with her, there would always be a woman from the practice on call (unless she was busy and I got stuck with Dr. Random).<br><br>
But I just can't even picture mysefl being relaxed and birthing a baby in a hospital. I can picture being delivered of a baby, but actively birthing a baby in front of all those people--no way. I'll just get tense and shut down. I *know* that unless I could, by some miracle, find a way to be comfortable in the hospital, if will be dangerous for me and the baby to be in a hospital.<br><br>
So i dunno what to do.....<br>
Sorry this is so long and ranty. I'm so upset about the whole thing.
 

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tie-dyed this sounds SO frustrating! Obviously you're not thrilled with the hospital idea but would it feel any better if you could use a midwife in the hospital? Many women in this area use midwives with hospital births. That is what I'm going to do myself because of the financial situation. Sorry that you're in this postition mama!
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> mama.<br><br>
I was torn about this very same thing - paying $4000+ for a HB VS pretty much free at the hospital (well, not free - we pay insurance) but I am VERY happy with my nurse-midwife and the hospital is completely natural CB friendly. The only thing I am not happy about is that I HAVE to have a hep-lock and I am a COMPLETE needle phobe so even the thought of having that stupid thing inmy arm is already making me sweat.<br><br>
But you know, most hospitals these days have LDR rooms (labor - delivery - recovery) and it feels like you are in a hotel rather than a cold dreary green hospital - can you take a tour to ease your mind?<br><br>
Another option is birthing the baby yourself. If you get prenatal care and know everything is OK...I know from previous posts that you are totally comfortable with the birth idea. Someone gave me a great link ...<a href="http://freebirth.com/" target="_blank">http://freebirth.com/</a> which I would be FOR but DH totally utterly completely opposes.<br><br>
You and your baby deserve to have the birth you dream of. My birth with DD is something I will forever regret and be heartbroken over - it's something I cannot get back and do-over. I won't make the same mistake twice. If you don't feel at peace with the hospital idea, then don't do it, unless you KNOW they will honor your wishes and YOU have the power.
 

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Do I ever feel your pain! Our hb is going to cost almost 3k and the hospital would be free. I kept waffling back and forth on this and felt the way you do about hospital birthing. I would get so sad just thinking about it...but did we have the money to spend??<br><br>
But now that I'm looking at blood sugar issues and possibly risking out of homebirth, I want it like nobody's business. It's like, now that there's a chance the decision might be taken away from me, I'm sure that's what I want, you know?<br><br>
With how you're feeling...I'd say go for the homebirth. Like the pp said, you can't get it back if it doesn't go how you want it to. Good luck!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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Tie Dyed -<br><br>
Hugs to you! It can be frustrating to know what you want and then have to consider those incidentals (like cash flow!).<br><br>
I wonder if your mw would be willing to a. accept some sort of payment plan or b. offer a discount of some sort?<br><br>
Would things like a yard sale or something like that help a little (help de clutter and help fund the birth!).<br><br>
Something else I had considered is cleaning houses for a few months, or working a pt job (maybe from home) of some sort. Just long enough to get some extra cash - but not have any commitments.<br><br>
Just some thoughts. I think the pp's had some great ideas (ie: choosing a birth friendly hospital or going ahead and spending the dough!).<br><br>
Sometimes for us, sitting down with the budget and talking about a way we could shave some costs to put that money away for something special (like a homebirth <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"> ) helps too! Puts things into perspective for us. About a year and 1/2 ago we got rid of cable so we could feel more comfortable about spending extra money on organic grocery's.<br><br>
I am sure something will work out for you....<br><br>
Good Luck!
 

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DD's was a hospital birth with a midwife. My water broke at 3 am Thanksgiving morning with no other signs of labor. She wasn't born until 9 minutes after midnight Friday.<br><br>
I'd say the biggest problem was because I was there so long (and maybe because it was a holiday) there was about 4 or 5 shift changes. Otherwise, DH and I walked around (and around & around). They encourged me to eat (hospital Turkey dinner), and pretty much left us alone. The "all those people" are never there all at once. Usually only 1 person at a time, maybe 2 if the midwife was checking me.<br><br>
When Peyton was born, there was only the nurse (who I loved, loved, loved) and the midwife, who popped in just in time to catch and stitch me up.<br><br>
It might not have been home, but all in all, it was not awful. This birth will again be at the same hospital. We just couldn't afford to HB in addition to the high insurance premiums.<br><br>
If I were you, I'd go for a L&D hospital tour as soon as possible. Ask a ton of questions, and if it doesn't seem like they are willing to work with you, You still have plenty of time to work something out for a HB.
 

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we're in the same boat of struggling to pay the HB midwife...<br>
We think we did figure a way for the insurance to pay part of her bill--especially since we were already established with her when we went on this insurance...<br>
But I have to call and make sure.<br><br>
Until then, we are working on the assumption that we are going to pay $150/month to her (made our first payment last month) and the rest is coming out of our tax refund.<br><br>
Is that an option at all? Do you normally get a refund?<br><br>
I still feel like a heel with Xmas coming up and knowing that *I* am causing things to be so tight.<br>
But this is most likely our last babe....and I can't picture birthing at either local hospital--I just can't.<br><br>
So...DH is behind me 100%...he's the one who said--we'll find a way, call her and set up another appointment <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"><br><br>
but it still just stinks<br><br>
why should my entire family suffer because some filthy rich insurance company doesn't want to shell out LESS than they would have to pay for a hospital birth and pre/postnatal care with a group practitioner <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">: <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/angry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="angry"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">: <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/angry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="angry"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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Discussion Starter #8
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Unreal</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Is that an option at all? Do you normally get a refund?</div>
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Y'know you're right, i hadn't thought of that. We usually get a couple hundred back but this year we should get much much more than that for various reasons. (Quit my job 1/3 of the way through the year to go to school, rendering my annual income below the tax threshold so i'll get back everything I paid, plus we paid half the miwife bill already so with one thing and anotehr we have about 2500 in medical expenses to deduct from DH's taxes. should be a couple grand this year <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"> yay.<br><br>
I feel about a thousand percent better.<br>
Yes, i know that is a mathematical impossibility.<br><br>
I know the hospitals are nicer than the stereotypes, but any hospital is bad for me for various reasons: psuedo 'birth trauma' from early miscarriage--hospital was fairly horrid and I was so scared of losign the babe I let them do all kinds of nasty invasive stuff for no reason, other hospital trauma issues too. Psych cases get treated *really* bad in ER's. *Really* bad. Now I'm only only a psych case if I'm in a hospital. Thank you ER staff <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
I'm gonna do the homebirth. Like my midwife and everyone else says, I and my baby are worth it. And with my hospital trauma issues, I truly think a hospital could be *dangerous* for the babe--panic attacks in labor are fairly counter-productive I hear <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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Like you tie-dyed, I am very phobic about hospitals. I know that birthing in a hospital would not be the safest for me because I don't think that I could truly relax and labour in peace like I did at home during my first home birth. Some people have relatively positive hospital experiences. Others have horror stories that they have to live for the rest of their lives. But it's definitely a given that birthing in a hospital increases your chances of having <b>all</b> interventions. I have the upmost respect for women who manage to have a truly natural birth in a hospital setting.<br><br>
If I was in your situation, I would definitely go for an unassisted childbirth. I have researched it quite a bit and feel that it is a safe option for low-risk moms if backup medical care is available. I would actually prefer going UC this time as opposed to the registered midwives we had last time for our home birth...but it is an uphill battle with dh <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> . But you will have to decide what is right for you. Good luck!
 

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Discussion Starter #10
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Ksenia</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">If I was in your situation, I would definitely go for an unassisted childbirth. I have researched it quite a bit and feel that it is a safe option for low-risk moms if backup medical care is available. I would actually prefer going UC this time as opposed to the registered midwives we had last time for our home birth...but it is an uphill battle with dh <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> . But you will have to decide what is right for you. Good luck!</div>
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Y'know I thought about this a lot. DH even said he would be supportive. Gotta love a man who understands that my body is a major concern to me <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/luxlove.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="throb"> . We decided against UC this time for three reasons. First, I haven't been around small babies in about ten years and have never cared for a baby under a week old. Neither has DH. I'm not sure we'd handle the stresses of newborn plus nursing plus even a cursory making sure it's ok. Second, I'm *so* hospital-phobic that it's entirely possible I'd get to a place where I'd ignore a major problem just o avoid hospital. My midwife won't let me do that. Third, I'm not in real contact with my mother and haven't been in a couple of years. i grew up in a very womanly-wisdom-passing on generationally culture and I'm feeling very much the absence of my mom. I know i will be comforted by MIL and by a the womanly comfort of the midwife. If I did a UC now, I'd just end up crying for my mommy, and I can't have her.<br><br>
Although I'm driving my midwife nuts with my UC leaning requests. So far she's not allowed in the room unless I invite her except to check the baby periodically. She seems cool with it though. Next one will probably be a UC though.
 

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I love that my midwife has the opinion that she is only there in case something doesn't go as planned--<br>
That *I* am the one delivering the baby--she is just there to help if we need it.<br><br>
I'm a little wary of her saying she needs to monitor my contractions for a bit at first but that is it..<br>
But honestly last time around, I think there were flames coming out of my eyes or something because when I told the medwife (part of a hospital based group....) that she had to take the monitor off NOW, she did <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
I have a hard time speaking up for myself normally...and still do somewhat in labor--but I'm a HECK of a lot more vocal about things I Do Not want.<br>
Knowing that has helped me to be even more relaxed this time around.<br><br>
OOOH...there is a IRS page on their site that will help you estimate your earned income credit from your taxes...if you think you'll get some of that this year.<br>
I'll look for the link in a bit, if you like<br>
I know I posted it somewhere here on MDC a while ago
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>tie-dyed</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">i grew up in a very womanly-wisdom-passing on generationally culture and I'm feeling very much the absence of my mom. I know i will be comforted by MIL and by a the womanly comfort of the midwife. If I did a UC now, I'd just end up crying for my mommy, and I can't have her.<br></div>
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I just wanted to say that I admire how clear you are on what you want. I struggled with that last time. I ended up getting the birth I wanted, though it wasn't what I thought I wanted. I'm sorting through all this again, along with trust issues with midwives, and it's getting clearer to me. But what a process you must be going through. I'm so glad you figured out a way to deal with the finances, too.
 

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Discussion Starter #13
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Unreal</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I still feel like a heel with Xmas coming up and knowing that *I* am causing things to be so tight.<br>
But this is most likely our last babe....and I can't picture birthing at either local hospital--I just can't.</div>
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You made me feel so much better, so let me try to return the favor--<br><br>
I said the same thing to Dh a couple of days ago and he made me feel a lot better by pointing that if I were to go to a hospital and end up with birth trauma issues or an episiotomy, it has a good chance of affecting his sex life pretty adversely too.<br><br>
So, if it make you feel better, you're also spending the money for the sake of your DH's sex life.<br><br>
Also, I remember reading on gentlebirth.org that PPD is incredibly less likeyl with homebirth. Add the co-pays for a several months of therapy and drugs and the costs of homebirth seem a lot more reasonable
 

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I just scrolled through the posts really quick cause dh wants online but we are paying for our homebirth with our tax refund. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> The only way we could afford it right now... dh loved our homebirth before so it wasn't a bit of hesitation!<br><br>
Good luck deciding.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>KatSG</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I just wanted to say that I admire how clear you are on what you want. I struggled with that last time. I ended up getting the birth I wanted, though it wasn't what I thought I wanted. I'm sorting through all this again, along with trust issues with midwives, and it's getting clearer to me. But what a process you must be going through. I'm so glad you figured out a way to deal with the finances, too.</div>
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Yes, I hear you on the midwife trust issue. I've never had a bad experience with a midwife (or to put it another way, *any* birth experience with a midwife or anyone else). But it seems in a hospital if you get a sucky nurse you can throw a fit and get a differnt nurse, or even doctor. This ain't so much an option if one's homebirth midwife doesn't live up to expectations.<br><br>
Thanks for the vote of confidence Kat. I just hope what I think I want now is what I actually want when the time comes. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 
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