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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My baby isn't "high needs' or "spirited"--at least, i don't think so. But he does get really intense about some things. For example, we can't give him his board books, because no matter how long he plays with them, he will cry hard when it's time to put them down. Forget reading one to him! He has similar, but thankfully less intense feelings about spoons.<br><br>
Is this a developmental stage or a personality feature? If you have an older baby or child, were they like this and then grew out of it, or did they keep their intensity? Just curious--I'll be happy with this guy no matter what.
 

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Ds has been like this from day one. I wouldn't necessarily have qualified him as "high needs" either - although he did want constant stimulation in the form of 24-7 contact. He's almost three and is still every bit as intense.. and now he's capable of expressing that intensity in soooooooooo many different ways :LOL. I'm still learning to embrace it <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">.
 

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Sounds more like a personality thing than being "high needs".<br>
My oldest can be intense about things like that. His dad can get like that too. They both like to really focus on one particular thing and sometimes get carried away. Are you, your hubby or any other family members like that with anything?
 

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My ds has always been this way; dh and I were also like this even as very small children. It's not usually a bad thing. This single minded intensity, for example, is how I taught myself to read at the age of two and how I learned to play the piano at 14. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> There was a thread about this a few months ago, but I can't remember which forum it was in.. I'll look it up for you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
I never had to be intense about anything, I never tried to learn anything that didn't come easily to me. I'm emotional, but not particularly focused, if that makes sense. My dh on the other hand, MUST do 2-3 hours of yoga every day or the world will come to an end! He practices for everything. He also collects things and researches things. HE'S the culprit, not me, I'm very relaxed....<br><br>
:LOL
 

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Intensity is one of the nine traits of temperament, along with adaptibility, sensitivity, activity level, and so on.<br><br>
I am an intense mom with an intense DD, which is not always easy, but on the other hand I can understand her intensity sometimes. I think it is important to respect a child's natural temperament and to help him or her to work with it rather than try to fight it.<br><br>
There's lots of good stuff about working with your child's individual temperament in books such as "Kids, Parents and Power Struggles" and others.<br><br>
The best thing about an intense child is how fiercely they love! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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I have no words of wisdom for you. But I have to chime in...<br><br>
DS has separation anxiety over two things right now: Mama (that's me) and paper. Any kind of paper. If he has it, you will break his heart if you take it away. He's into shoestrings, as well, but not as much as paper. But he eats the paper. I can't let him keep it. He will remember that he had the paper and knows that this new thing I just gave him is not the paper and is indeed a lousy substitute for the paper.<br><br>
I have two older children who bring home countless papers from school everyday. They also leave said papers on the floor. That's where the baby hangs out. Ahhhhhhhhh! It's madness!
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hippie.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hippie"><br><br>
DS#1 is very intense. Intensely intense. He's also what I'd consider high need, or spirited. Has been since babyhood. The difference is striking in his intensity versus that of his sibs ...<br><br>
One of the ways it manifests is that he's not easily distractible. Like your baby with the books. With the others, even if they hold on tight, eventually I'll hit on something to make them forget the book, or drop it, or even be happy to give it up. That just won't happen with DS#1.<br><br>
There are great positives to this ... and have found that the only real negative is in dealing with his occasional negative intensity ... IYKWIM ... and he definitely takes this from DH, who is also a very intense human being. Nothing is half-way, he's incredibly passionate about whatever he's passionate about ... and the only negative is in dealing with his occasional negative intensity.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
Makes for a very interesting person, IMO ... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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sounds like the personality trait labeled 'persistence' to me- and it sounds like he got it from your dh. 2-3 hours of yoga a day? yikes. he must be one calm dude. whenever i try yoga, cant seem to keep from writing mental grocery and to do lists.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;"><i>Originally posted by sunbaby</i><br><b>your dh. 2-3 hours of yoga a day? yikes. he must be one calm dude.</b></td>
</tr></table></div>
ummmm....nope! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"> But he can do a lot of really cool yoga poses, like the <a href="http://www.sunandmoonstudio.com/pincha.html" target="_blank">forearm balance</a> and the <a href="http://www.yogajournal.com/practice/176_1.cfm" target="_blank">king pigeon pose</a>. (Links included so you can see what this looks like. Only all the people in the photos are women, imagine the same pose done by a cute, skinny man.)<br><br>
Chelle, my baby is into paper too! Big time. That was why I was hoping it was a phase. But he has such a loooooong attention span!
 

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My dd is also super intense. She is definitely not a *high-need* type child/baby, but she definitely knows what she wants and when she wants it (hmmm is that high need <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> )? But she absorbs. I've never seen anything like it, we'll go into a new situation and for a good 15-20 minutes, sometimes longer she just absorbs like a sponge, and then she jumps in both feet, feet first!<br><br>
I was always told by people that I was intense and I never knew what that meant. The sad thing is, I can see it in dd and yet still couldn't really tell you exactly what it is, but that I feel it....KWIM?<br><br>
cute, skinny man hee hee, what a sweet way to refer to your dh
 
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