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Discussion Starter #1
I don't know if you guys have heard but I found a house for rent and should be moving in the next few weeks..Yay! I call DSS every other day and for the past couple of phone calls I have told him about the house and how we are gonna be moving closer to him so that when DH comes home we don't have to drive 3.5 hours to see him. This is going to be the first place we have lived where he will have his own room, he has always slept on our floor. DSS told me that he doesn't want his own room that he wants to sleep with us and wish on stars (we had glow in the dark stars on the ceiling in the other bedroom we were in at my parent's house.)<br><br>
Anyway, this brought up and interesting question sort of unique to Step-Parents...for those of you who practice co-sleeping with your own children, do you also include the step-kids?? Or if your step children are older did they used to co-sleep with you? DSS is only 5 and his Mom and Step-Dad are very non-AP, they practice CIO, formula feed (although this in itself isn't neccessarily bad) and a whole bunch of other stuff...I am just curious if co-sleeping could be a problem in terms of custody issues especially if the other household doesn't practice it.<br><br>
My plan, is to still give DSS his own room and bed. If he wants he can come sleep with us, but if he wants to sleep in his own room that is fine too. Of course this all hinges on whether or not DH is ok with it too because DSS is an older child and we want to TTC when DH comes home.<br><br>
So ladies, give me your thoughts and experiences with this.
 

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I think you should definitely set up a room and bed for him since you have the space. Also as he gets older, he's probably going to want his own space. If he wants to sleep in your room, maybe he could be in a sleeping bag on the floor or on an air mattress or something *occasionally* - like on a weekend night or something, but spend most nights in his own room.<br><br>
Good luck!
 

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Dss was almost 5 when we married. He had his own room, but managed to crawl into be with us at least 5 nights a week. His mom isn't too AP, but she always slept with him, so there wasn't any issues for us. When he got to be 7 or 8 and was too big, he could bring his sleeping bag into our room. If you don't know if it is ok to have him in your bed, you could put a fouton or mattress on the floor. He could start the night in his room but still have a place to go if he needed to.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
The rooms at our new place are way too tiny to have him on the floor, we would step on him! I'm just worried that he will start to feel abandoned again when DH comes to bed in our room, he's starting to realize just how long its been since DH left. I don't want him to have any more seperation issues then he already has, kwim?<br><br>
I guess we will just have to see how it goes when the time comes, its going to be interesting either way.
 

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regardless of the co-sleeping situation, I would still set up a room for DSS, even if he ends up not sleeping there every night.<br><br><br>
Oh, and make sure you get him some stars for the new room, too <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

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I talked to DH today and he said that even though we are planning on co-sleeping with the Baby whenever we have one, that having DSS in there everynight probably won't work. I agree, I wasn't thinking every night, just thought it brought up an interesting situation.<br><br>
The plan is to definitely give him his own room and when he wants to let him sleep with us. Which is fine by me because it gives him his space and gives us ours.
 

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DSS is 3.5 and me and my DH has a DS who is 7 months old. DSS co-sleeps with us when he has overnights 4 nights a month and DS sleeps with us all the time. DSS has his own room with his own bed. My DH and I have been together since DSS was 3 months old and he has always had his own bed/room but it is his choice if he wants to sleep in it. Occassionally he tells us he wants to sleep in his bed but either with me or DH, never on his own.<br><br>
We started having overnights (BM's idea) when he was about 9 months and he had a crib but we took the side rail off and pushed it up next to our bed. BM was upset but this arrangement at about 1.5 because he stopped being willing to sleep in his crib and moved into a toddler bed.<br><br>
I think it is important that we take BM thought/wishes/desires into the picture but not when they trump DSS needs. Since he was at that time only staying the night 2 nights a month the closeness helped alleviate the stangeness of a new place.<br><br>
Our sleeping arrangement now are fine. He sleeps in his own bed (mostly we think) at his BM's and sleeps in our family bed at our house. My plan is when DS is 18 months we will get a big bed for DSS's room, right now he just has a twin, and I will encourgage them to slumber party together away from us if they want when dss is over. If this does not work we will have to get bigger than our king if we have another kid.
 

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I have to say that first I'm not in your situation of such a young baby being co parented and leaving BM's for overnight visits. As a BM I would not of been comfortable at all with co sleeping at Dad's house with Step Mom! It maybe just me but this would have made me very uncomfortable and would have been an issue brought to the lawyer and to the judge. I also would not have been comfortable with overnight visits for my children at such a young age. Just my opinion!<br>
My daughters did go for overnights starting at age 3 and 4 and slept in the same bed to feel more comfortable. It still breaks my heart to think of them wanting mommy and not being there for them.
 

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I would not be comfortable with my DS staying away from me at 9 months either and I don't know if BM was really comfortable with DSS staying with us at 9 months but it was her idea because she did not want to have 'her life interupted' as often and it was without overnights. We use to have 3-6 hour visits 3-4 times a week and preferred that but she did not like it so we had overnights early.<br><br>
I think that BM is conflicted with DSS relationship with me but has expressed to me that although she is conflicted she wants and is glad that I am there for DSS. As for me and my DH we decided that we were not going to treat our kids differently. At our house I am a parent to both our kids and they get the same care. Also my family is also DSS family (grandparents, aunts, uncles) and we are really careful about making sure that DSS is considered nephew, grandchild to my family just as DS is. For this reason we planned on co-sleeping with our other children and we were not going to make DSS feel like we do not want him to sleep with us/ we like the other kids better. Also at 9 months I firmly believe that babies should sleep with someone and it is in DSS best interest to not have to sleep in a crib away from a parent, in a strange place because BM who wanted to do overnights wants it.<br><br>
We (both households) have taken a pretty your house/ your rules tact for all of our sanity. We do things that BM does not like. She does things that we don't like but we trust that all involved our trying to do our best for DSS.
 

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BM has co-slept with DSS (8yrs old) for the past couple of yrs (since splitting with her partner)- not for his sake but because she is lonely (her words) But since November she has had a new partner and has moved DSS into his own room. Infact DSS has to sleep on the couch when her partner's kids are over (they get his bed - double bed)<br><br>
DSS is finding this all very hard and every weekend he is over he beds to sleep with us. We are currently co-sleeping with DS (12 months old) so there really isn't any room in our bed.<br><br>
Well DP and I talked it over and decided that DSS would really benifit from sleeping with us. So we took the bed down and put our two queen size mattresses on the floor side by side and on weekends we all sleep together.<br><br>
We have only been doing this for a couple of weeks but we have already seen the difference in DSS. He is a much happier child and he is always ringing us up asking if he can come over (before it was always a struggle with him as he didn't want to stay)<br><br>
DSS actually snuggles up to me and DS as DP is a very restless sleeper. I don't see any problem with sleeping with DSS. He is as much a part of this family as DS, even though I am not his BM I still class him as my little boy.
 

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When I married dh, he had been divorced for about 2.5 years. Since the divorce, dss had lived with dh and they had been co-sleeping. I think it would have been really traumtic for dss to get a new step mom and get booted out of the bed at the same time. Fortunatly, his mom didn' tseem to have an issue with it. For those of you who wouldn't be comfortable with stepparents and cosleeping, would you be ok with a bed in the parents room? I think that most of our kids are going through a lot with custody/visitation/divorce and probably need some nighttime comfort.
 
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