Mothering Forum banner
1 - 20 of 23 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,362 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
We are having a boy any time now. Due to this board and the info here we decided to leave him intact. Yay!! We haven't really discussed it with anyone because we figured it was our decision and we didn't want to argue about it with anyone, its just the way things are going to be.

So last night I was at my parents' house and my mom brings up that my cousin and his wife didn't circ their son (another yay!!) but my uncle is upset and thinks it's a bad choice because he wasn't circed as a baby but then circed at 3 yo and he still remembers how horrible it was. I can see his point that he is worried about his grandson going through what he did and wants to save him from it. I just know that 60 years ago the reasons for circing a 3yo would have been far different from now.

So I broke it to my parents that our baby won't be circed either. I told them that I did lots of research and that all the reasons that circ used to be done for have been found to be invalid. I think they were a little shocked, but they were ok with it.

I wish I were closer to my cousin and his wife (they are in Iowa, I'm in MI). I'd love to email them or call them up and tell them I support them, but it would be somewhat strange at best for me to do that. "yeah, hi, I know we haven't really talked in a year, but your parents were talking about you and your decision not to circ baby and well, gee I think it's great and we aren't either." Just doesn't seem right, but I would hate to think that they are getting pressured to do it now while he's still little (only a little over a year old) and may not have any support. Any thoughts?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
289 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by 2 in August
I'd love to email them or call them up and tell them I support them, but it would be somewhat strange at best for me to do that. "yeah, hi, I know we haven't really talked in a year, but your parents were talking about you and your decision not to circ baby and well, gee I think it's great and we aren't either." Just doesn't seem right, but I would hate to think that they are getting pressured to do it now while he's still little (only a little over a year old) and may not have any support. Any thoughts?
Well, why not call them? You are having a baby, and your parents just told you about their decision not to circ as well, and you wanted to share your experiences. It is family, there are ties, although sometimes a bit forgotten. Why not be excited about that you are not the only one in your family? Maybe it might even encourage other families in your family?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
171 Posts
Where in Iowa are they? I am just curious how they dealt w/ that at their particular hospital -- assuming they birthed at a hospital.

I'd call them up or email them. I bet they could use some support!

It just continues to crack me up how uncirced penises somehow become a family conversation topic.... That's how rare intact is around here. It's front page news. ARGH!
:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
226 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by lizziejackie
Where in Iowa are they? I am just curious how they dealt w/ that at their particular hospital -- assuming they birthed at a hospital.

I'd call them up or email them. I bet they could use some support!

It just continues to crack me up how uncirced penises somehow become a family conversation topic.... That's how rare intact is around here. It's front page news. ARGH!
:
I grew up in Iowa. It's an interesting place. My mom and I no longer have any contact and most likely never will again because of circ. She was recalling how she once heard a baby girl getting her ears pierced and it "has haunted her" her whole life.....but......she has assisted in circ's and think a baby boys cries aren't do to pain. She also told me she would help with a circ again in a heartbeat and that I did my boys a disservice. Needless to say we will never and I do mean NEVER speak again on a personal level. And she will NEVER and I mean NEVER be in the possession of my sons for the rest of my life.

It has ruined any respect I could have had for her. I actually live in fear of her trying to kidnap the boys and have them circ'd. My middle was to go stay with them for the month of August. Nope. He's staying very close to me and will never see her again.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
12,213 Posts
I agree with what Merilin wrote! Congrats on the upcoming birth of your son and for leaving him intact!!!!!!!!!!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,086 Posts
I think you should contact your cousin! My cousin and I had our first children 4 weeks apart exactly (she's in IA, too, btw). We started emailing late in our pregnancies, despite not having been close since we were small children. 4 years later, we are in contact quite often and I'm so glad to have her back in my life!
The fact that she didn't circ would be a good way to start chatting, I think.

Kristen
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
14,239 Posts
I agree start out with a hi there email talking about your pg then go on to talk about it being a boy. Wait a day or 2 and tell them you heard they didnt circ and that you were not going to either. Tell them how great you think it is that there will be at least 2 little intact boys in the family (and hopefully more if more come along) do it in a subtle way. Give them the suport they need. I would hate that they finallly gave in and did the circ because of pressure you could actually be the cap on it and make them see they did the right thing and to be proud of it. Also send her info on the proper care of the intact penis. Since more than likely the uncle that was circed at 3 was subjected to the retract, scrub the crap out of it mentality that was so prevelent back then.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
625 Posts
Hi, I'm from western IL so I know the midwest circ mentality. Just a couple of thoughts. I think the "horror" of later life circ's gets overplayed by many. Also, as others have said, it most certainly wasn't necessary anyhow. I was RE-circ'd at age six. No it wasn't fun, but the worst thing about it was the lasting damage they caused by doing the wrong thing twice. And if this conversation comes up, and one pays attention, in high-circ areas you'll hear many, many stories of circ's that are re-done on older children. So much for the idea of "do it now, so they won't remember it later."
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,435 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by 2 in August
but it would be somewhat strange at best for me to do that. "yeah, hi, I know we haven't really talked in a year, but your parents were talking about you and your decision not to circ baby and well, gee I think it's great and we aren't either." Just doesn't seem right, but I would hate to think that they are getting pressured to do it now while he's still little (only a little over a year old) and may not have any support. Any thoughts?
Actually if I were in your cousins shoes I'd be thrilled to get that call for 2 reasons #1 Since I kept my sons intact, I am always happy to hear about boys that have been spared or parents planning to spare their sons. And #2 if I were getting a hard time from family or friends I'd welcome a little positive reinforcement and a commiserating ear.

So I say go ahead and call her!

Laura
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
15,097 Posts
call them and say congrats on the baby, we are expecting too, its a boy, I understand you didn't circumcise him (maybe they would like to know that uncle is discussing it with other people so openly) and we aren't either, etc

It could be about more than circ
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,907 Posts
I agree with the others. Go ahead and call or e-mail them!
Living in Iowa, they need all the support they can get. I know; I live in Iowa, too.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
636 Posts
I agree, Id be delighted to get an email from anyone who heard I kept my son intact and wanted to let me know they were too. haha. i forget if you mentioned if this was your first child, if so, it will be nice for you to have an email buddy to talk about all the interesting new baby stuff, might be good for both of you to have a new friendship / connection. I say do it!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,480 Posts
actually, dh's cousin and I have become fairly close and one of the things that got us talking was the circ issue. Before, we never even talked, just got periodic email/photo updates on their baby. But I noticed their sling and what I thought looked like a motherease dipe and I thought, hey, a real live kindred spirit *that I am actually related to!* so I struck up an email convo and by the time we had discussed the horrors of circ we were fast friends. Now we talk by phone usually a couple times a month and keep up with each other via blog, etc.

So, ya never know, at the least you will support a good decision, and you might even get a buddy out of it!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,362 Posts
Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Ok, you all are making me feel a little more brave. I do already have some stuff in common with my cousin's wife and we get along great when we see each other, it's just we haven't seen each other in a couple years. Maybe I'll include a short note to them in our birth announcement saying that I heard they didn't circ and that I'm glad to know our little guy will be in good company and see where it goes from there. Thanks for all the encouragement!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,193 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by lizziejackie
It just continues to crack me up how uncirced penises somehow become a family conversation topic.... That's how rare intact is around here. It's front page news. ARGH!
:
God, isn't that amazing?! My family is from OK, and the silence was stunning when they asked and got their answer.

"Didja get it done?"

: "Get WHAT done?"

"Get him CIRCUMCISED?"

"Oh, gracious, no!"

*crackling silence*

I'm positive DS's penis and its potentially terrifying foreskin has been the subject of multiple family discussions by now-- I think they're starting to see it my way, though. Or they're holding their tongues out of a sense of futility.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,757 Posts
Definitely give them a call or e-mail! Especially because you can say that you "know" at least a couple of grown men with foreskins who have never had problems with them (my dh for one
) not to mention the whole rest of the world has no problems with their foreskins. That sort of info could help them through any potentially swaying argument of your uncle's about the horrors of later circ.

love and peace.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,519 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by eightyferrettoes
God, isn't that amazing?! My family is from OK, and the silence was stunning when they asked and got their answer.

"Didja get it done?"

: "Get WHAT done?"

"Get him CIRCUMCISED?"

"Oh, gracious, no!"

*crackling silence*

I'm positive DS's penis and its potentially terrifying foreskin has been the subject of multiple family discussions by now-- I think they're starting to see it my way, though. Or they're holding their tongues out of a sense of futility.
*tries to imagine how those conversations would run*

...

*fails*
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,193 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by Revamp
*tries to imagine how those conversations would run*

...

*fails*


How's this:

Cousin has baby, family gathers to ooh and aaah.

Grandma: "How's little J doing?"

Cousin: "Oh, fine. His little ring fell off... I guess he'll get his first bath soon as it heals up!"

Grandma: "Did you know that your cousin C DIDN'T EVEN BOTHER to have little L done?"

Random aunt: *clucks and shakes head*

Grandma: "Yes, and she says it's a... what did she say, now?.... a human rights violation. *furrows brow as if this were a completely new concept*

Everybody: *laughs vigorously at C, who is five thousand miles away and unable to defend her position on the subject*

Grandma: "they sure do get some strange ideas, living all that far from home. You never do know what the young folks will come up with next.



It's a guess. But I'm sure it's been discussed, and not flatteringly. Ah, family.
 
1 - 20 of 23 Posts
Top