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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I can't get over a recent conversation about homeschooling I had with my husband's uncle this weekend. We were all having lunch and he says to his wife (in front of my in-laws) "Did you know that she (meaning me) is going to homeschool?"<br><br>
Then he says, "How are you going to know how to do that? What about sports? How will he learn things like history?"<br><br>
I was not prepared for this, especially while everyone was looking at me, waiting for an answer. Our ds is only 2 1/2, so I thought that I had more time to practice answering these types of questions!<br><br>
I have done a ton of research though, and I think I gave intelligent answers, but I'm afraid that it came out defensively, and I am upset because this is probably the first experience he has ever had with the issue of homeschooling, and it could have been more positive.<br><br>
Anyone else ever walk away from these conversations feeling less-than-confident?<br><br>
TIA!
 

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In your case...I'd say "He's two and half years old ! We have plenty of time to get to that stuff. Have you heard about [insert off topic here ]?"<br><br>
And bean dip those suckers.Change the subject.<br><br>
Sometimes when I'm feeling less than gracious I say "we will buy the books and read them. Ya know , the way most everyone learns."<br>
And then bean dip.<br><br>
And yes , I feel less than confident sometimes..when I forget to beandip and try to discuss. Like what happened with my father recently..after seven years of homeschooling I made the rookie error of getting involved in the discussion. Later on , about a week later, after my temper had cooled I called my father and reestablished some very firm boundaries and when I asked "Do I make myself clear ?" He said "Yeah. Hey did you know we're under a tornado watch?" <i>HE beandipped me!!!!!</i> Lil stinker.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Wow...I honestly never thought about that. Instead of trying to enlighten them, I should just keep it very brief and move on. That is so hard for me to do, but I see how it would have saved me from getting sucked in.<br><br>
thanks, I'll try that next time.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Jen123</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Later on , about a week later, after my temper had cooled I called my father and reestablished some very firm boundaries and when I asked "Do I make myself clear ?"...</div>
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<span><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"> Nice to hear you did that, Jen!<br><br>
Lillian</span>
 

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Personally I tend to keep my comments rather vague and on the surface and see if the conversation moves on. If someone is truly interested in (or considering) homeschooling then I will open up more. But the general population doesn't really want to know and I don't think it's my place to try to convert everyone. I just want to do my thing and not worry about everyone else.
 

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I too would have just shrugged it off. Really, because of the fact that he is still young, they should not be worried about what you have been throwing around at your house concerning schooling. I would have told them that, since there's still plenty of time to discuss the ins-and-outs, you would feel more comfortable just changing the subject. How did they find out so soon, anyhow? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"><br><br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">HE beandipped me!!!!! Lil stinker.</td>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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My best friend of over 25 years did this to me THIS VERY WEEKEND. We were driving home from a conference and she said, "I wanted to ask you some questions about homeschooling." It seemed very innocuous because she had once been interested in homeschooling her daughter. But then she launched into, "[Dd] is learning so much in first grade, all this stuff I would *never* have thought to teach her, and I am SO GLAD I didn't decide to try homeschooling! I'm worried about how you are going to teach your kids EVERYTHING THEY'LL NEED TO KNOW all by yourself."<br><br>
My basic response was, "It's hard to talk about homeschooling with people who have chosen to send their kids to school because my reasons for homeschooling might sound like criticisms of their decisions. But my dh and I have very different goals for our kids' education than the schools do, and I certainly have no illusions that I can teach my kids EVERYTHING THEY'LL NEED TO KNOW. No one taught me all that. I'll teach my kids to love learning, and they will learn what they need to know."<br><br>
Undeterred, my friend said, "What curriculum have you decided to use? You HAVE chosen a curriculum, right?" I deflected this with, "Well, it will depend on how my kids learn and what interests them. Hey, so tell me how things are going with your custody battle."<br><br>
Beandipping is good.<br><br>
Namaste!
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>SunRayeMomi</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">How did they find out so soon, anyhow? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"><br><br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"></div>
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My mother-in-law told them because my sister-in-law has twins the same age as our ds and she has them enrolled in pre-preschool, and they were asking if we would enroll our ds, too. So, after many conversations with my mother and father-in-law, I explained why we were not enrolling ds in preschool, how we believe in natural learning through play and everyday activities.<br><br>
My father-in-law was also bringing up to my dh's uncle how standardized testing and forced memorization do not equal quality education, and my mother-in-law was saying that everyone she talks to thinks homeschooling in CA is the best option because our state has so many problems with the pschools, but i wanted to say that we would be homeschooling in any state or country, not just because we are in CA. Uggh. I really do not like knocking the public schools. I truly believe that young children benefit from being in the community and home instead of any school full-time.<br><br>
I'm still feeling awful about that conversation....
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I get it all of the time. I become more prepared as time goes by to respond.
 

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Does "beandip" mean change the subject?<br><br>
Y'all have more self-control than I do; I usually go off on a tangent about everything I think is wrong with schooling. I have converted a few people though!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>briansmama</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">and my mother-in-law was saying that everyone she talks to thinks homeschooling in CA is the best option because our state has so many problems with the pschools,</div>
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I just wanted to say that I thought California had the WORSE public schools in the nation until I moved to Oregon. The grass is always greener. Sigh. I guess it depends on where in Cali you are. We lived in a pretty good district, but I grew up in a horrible one. We are homeschooling this year because we moved to a horrible district in Oregon.<br><br>
I am sorry you have to deal with this from family. I really haven't had any of these types of experiences.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Brigianna</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Does "beandip" mean change the subject?</div>
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Bean dip:<br><a href="http://morejo.blog-city.com/a_seasonal_re_write.htm" target="_blank">Original (AP) recipe</a><br><a href="http://happyhomeschooler.blog-city.com/bean_dip.htm" target="_blank">Just for homeschoolers</a><br><br>
It's really a combination of setting appropriate boundaries and changing the subject.
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>UlrikeDG</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Bean dip:<br><a href="http://morejo.blog-city.com/a_seasonal_re_write.htm" target="_blank">Original (AP) recipe</a><br><a href="http://happyhomeschooler.blog-city.com/bean_dip.htm" target="_blank">Just for homeschoolers</a><br><br>
It's really a combination of setting appropriate boundaries and changing the subject.</div>
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Thanks, I didn't know there was a word for this very useful tactic!
 

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Jen - Thanks a million for sharing the beandip idea!<br><br>
I wish I had used it a few months ago when my sister asked me in a very confrontational way why on earth we had a nanny, and then proceeded to tell me why we were wrong to have her! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:<br><br>
I got into a big explanation-type thing and then she just cut me off. It was humiliating.
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">Then he says, "How are you going to know how to do that? What about sports? How will he learn things like history?"</td>
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From a book??????????? DUH!
 

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maybe this is a bit OT... but i have seen this come up over and over...<br><br>
elementary school teachers are not geniuses stuffed full of magical knowledge they graciously impart upon their young students. they are people who have lerned how to use the resourses at hand to teach a set of predetermined skills.<br><br>
in fact (and no offense to any el-ed teachers here) some (notice i said some) of the most ignorant and unsophisticated people i have ever met in my life were el-ed teachers. my stepdaughter had a few doozies and my FIL (who has taught at the same school since 1970) is one of the most sheltered and narrow-minded 60 year old men i have ever met (except for maybe my MIL's BF who went right into the military from HS and spent most of his life there).<br><br>
i would say with the internet resources i have at hand i can more easily find factual stuff to share with my son than teachers teaching from watered-down, wishy-washy, one sided text books.<br><br>
i know this isn't really the issue raised by the OP, but it just amazes me how many people seem to think el-ed teachers are specially endowed people who do this magical thing in "educating" our children.... it's like the magic box theory... "i send them on the bus every day and magically they come home smart." <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/headscratch.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="headscratch"><br><br>
hope this doesn't sound too snarky, i just get tired of hearing this over and over...
 

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I used to get those kinds of comments,but as the years went by people kind of noticed that our children were fairly well behaved articulate young people.Theres still enough of them at home that we still get the occasional comment but the younger ones have some pretty funny come backs."So what are you studying?'<br>
"Latin, math,bones,bugs You know the regular stuff"<br>
"what do you want to be when you grow up?<br>
"forensic anthropologist"<br>
"oh really?'"why"<br>
"I'd like to find out what they did with the missing link."<br>
This was from my then 8 year old to a cousin-in-law thats a principal!
 

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To the OP-<br><br>
No matter how many times I go through it myself, or hear about it, I am still always left in awe that people can be so rude....regardless of the topic.<br><br>
I can imagine no situation where I would feel comfortable making someone feel bad about choices they have made, or are going to make, in their marriage, with their life, in regards to their children's education - or anything really.<br><br>
For me, staying calm, polite and sometimes just being silent are what I strive to do in situations like this. I refuse to debate people over something I feel strongly about, but am more than happy to have an educated, civilized conversation and have no problem telling them so nicely.
 
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