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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
DS is now 3.5 months old and I am craving being umm intimate with DH. Problem is DS can not be put down at all for more then 5 minutes without waking up. When DD was this age we could get her to sleep in our bed, sneak out and go to another room, with DS I can't even sneak away to go to the bathroom without him waking HELP!!!!!! what do I do?

we do snuggle/talk ect in our bed for closeness but we are getting to the stage where we want more again and can't figure out how to get there

thanks

tara
 

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I started leaving Ds for a little while until we came to bed at about 3 months. It took a loooong time. The first week or two I would have to go back in every 5-10 min to nurse him back to sleep. Then, eventually it got better and better. Now dh and I have anywhere from 1-2 hours to do what we want with
: before coming to join him in bed. Ds is 10 months now. My advice....patience I guess
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In addition to the above post, have you tried talking to ds about it? Not the details of course!
but that it's okay and safe for him to sleep alone, and that you will be putting him down (even saying these things while he's drifting off to sleep, and actually asleep can be helpful).

Is there any reason that he might be afraid or uncomfortable about being alone? (Other than he's a baby!) Was he ever separated from you at birth? Was he "removed" from you ever - like taken from your arms to be given a bath or anything like that? Sometimes babies don't like the sensation of contact becoming no contact...it is something to talk to him about.

Just keep reassuring him that he's safe and it's okay to sleep on his own for a bit...he is loved and not ever really alone. Also, talk about his connection with you - you used to be physically connected, but even if you aren't anymore you will ALWAYS be connected in a way that won't disappear.

See if that helps.
Best of luck!
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thanks mama's I will try these things. good thing DH is such a patient man


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Originally Posted by dylan View Post
Is there any reason that he might be afraid or uncomfortable about being alone? (Other than he's a baby!) Was he ever separated from you at birth? Was he "removed" from you ever - like taken from your arms to be given a bath or anything like that? Sometimes babies don't like the sensation of contact becoming no contact...it is something to talk to him about.
He did go to special care for a couple of hours but was with DH most of that time and he has never been taken from my arms. I did start talking with him about it and last night I was able to go to the bathroom without him waking up


RainCoastMama - we have done the monitor too, nothing like a child stirring to ruin the mood
now we just have to move to the floor of our room, FIL lives with us so we have to hide like teenagers


tara
 

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I was about to post the same question. My poor dh is so patient but he's getting a little frustrated. I've been sleeping with ds on the couch every night I didn't expect to still be doing it at 3.5 mo, but here we are. Ds will sleep in the swing, sometimes 2min sometimes 2hrs but you can never tell how long. We don't cosleep because we have a small bed and dh and I are both big, so we have space issues in bed anyway and I totally don't feel safe putting a baby in the mix.

On one hand I think I should start to somehow try to teach him to sleep by himself (in the swing or Amby in our room, not alone in a crib in his room). But then again, here I am holding him for the last 1.5hrs while he's been napping. I totally don't do cio and he's so happy sleeping on me, but I have a 5yo that I homeschool and I feel like I'm short changing both her and dh by having baby constantly in my arms.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
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Originally Posted by 2 in August View Post
On one hand I think I should start to somehow try to teach him to sleep by himself (in the swing or Amby in our room, not alone in a crib in his room). But then again, here I am holding him for the last 1.5hrs while he's been napping. I totally don't do cio and he's so happy sleeping on me, but I have a 5yo that I homeschool and I feel like I'm short changing both her and dh by having baby constantly in my arms.
I wear DS in a wrap which gives me 2 free hands to play/teach ect.. with DD while he is asleep. She gets so excited when he falls asleep because she knows it is her time (even though he is still on me).

tara
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by taradt View Post
I wear DS in a wrap which gives me 2 free hands to play/teach ect.. with DD while he is asleep. She gets so excited when he falls asleep because she knows it is her time (even though he is still on me).

tara
AWW....that is so sweet! Hugs to your dd! What a trooper and good job for you finding a way to let her know she has mama time!
 

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I so feel your frustration momma. I put ds in the swing and sat him infront of the tv with baby einstin on, that he loves, but I felt kinda guilty doing that for selfish reasons like getting some nookie...its more for dh than me I admit, not that I am doing this against my will, I do appreciate some lovin', but it just made me a bit ashamed to do that. THen I relized that I would have done it no problem to get some sewing done so I stopped the personal guilt trip. Ds wasnt asleep and I went back to get him soon after we were uhh finished.
but then again ds is 5 mo so he is a bit more patient now. Good on ya for trying to get some at 3.5 mo. I was too beat to do anything.

What about asking a friend to take ds for a couple of hours if he will sleep on someone else that could help or if he takes a bottle that could work. I would defentlly be there for my friend if she needed time alone with her hubby. Though leaving my baby with someone else other than dh freaks me out at this moment....even leaving him with dh bugs me but this is my first.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by taradt View Post
I wear DS in a wrap which gives me 2 free hands to play/teach ect.. with DD while he is asleep. She gets so excited when he falls asleep because she knows it is her time (even though he is still on me).

tara
I totally read that wrong....I thought it said DH instead of DD.
 

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I'm glad to know I'm not the only one trying to work this out. It was actually a lot easier at first -- ds would sleep for more consistent clips and I could put him in the moses basket -- but now he wakes up almost every time I put him down. We co-sleep and he sleeps like a champ, and I know if we stop I'll be up and down all night (even for the moses basket right by the bed, which he's about to outgrow). I told dh that without my good nights of sleep, all of our worlds would fall apart, and I'd be totally uninterested in getting it on. At least I'm intereted now, it's just a matter of coordinating it.

Does anyone else have a crib looming in the other room that they dread the thought of transitioning to? I think for us it will have to happen at some point, but I really dread it. I told dh we could work on it when ds stops nursing during the night.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
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Originally Posted by phoebemommy View Post
Does anyone else have a crib looming in the other room that they dread the thought of transitioning to? I think for us it will have to happen at some point, but I really dread it. I told dh we could work on it when ds stops nursing during the night.
We gave up on the thought of ever using a crib with DD. At 4.5 years old she is still in our room


DS doesn't like his bouncy seat for more then 30 seconds, unless his big sister is playing with him, but having her awake is not good for intimacy


I am working on getting him ok with being in the bed at night for a bit alone, but I can see it is going to be a long road. It is nice to know I am not alone


tara
 

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Somewhere between 3 1/2 & 4 mo., my DD suddenly became real interested in toys - stuffed jingly, crinkly, colorful things from Lamaze, & a little crib mirror thing (Sassy). Plus she has some wood bead rattle things (Selecta). We can set her in a Pack n Play (next to the bed where she can see/hear us) w/some stuff, & she'll happily roll around chewing on or fiddling around for quite a while. Allows DH & I time for "other activities" - of course, this is probably one reason why, when DD is only 6 1/2 mo., I'm already 6 weeks preg. again...
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by taradt View Post
I wear DS in a wrap which gives me 2 free hands to play/teach ect.. with DD while he is asleep. She gets so excited when he falls asleep because she knows it is her time (even though he is still on me).

tara
That's so sweet that your dd still has her special time. I do make special time for dd too. It's just that for the last 5yrs she was the center of our worlds and I think it's more my momma guilt for her not being the only center anymore.

I keep saying I should try a sling. I tried a bjorn and because I'm a bigger size momma it didn't work very well for me. I've learned here though too that they aren't the best things either. I'm thinking about trying to make a pouch style sling. I think that if I make it I can be sure it fits right. I just have to get the $ to buy the fabric and try it out.
 

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2 in August: you might want to try a wrap, instead of a sling . . . just a long piece of material that you can use to tie dc to your body in various ways. I wore DD in one for the first couple of months of her life, and still use mine (although I will admit, the sling is easier for quick ons and offs). Easy to make, too, provided you buy material without too much stretch.
 

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I might be ostracized for even mentioning it, but you could try putting your babe to sleep on his/her stomach. Breastfed babies sleep alot lighter, so they are less at risk for SIDS anyway, and the older they get the safer it is. I have a very firm crib mattress with a tight sheet, and I have no qualms about laying ds down on his stomach in his crib next to our bed to sleep, and he sleeps alot longer like that than on his back, probably because it feels more secure. Definitely helped the intimacy level once he started being able to go to sleep on his own, and put himself back to sleep every now and then, especially if we are close by so I could pop the pacifier in his mouth and...um...keep going.
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by 2 in August View Post
That's so sweet that your dd still has her special time. I do make special time for dd too. It's just that for the last 5yrs she was the center of our worlds and I think it's more my momma guilt for her not being the only center anymore.
I hear you on that one DD is 4.5 years old and has always been the little princess here. She and her Dad now have an extra special bond. It has been a very hard adjustment for all.

DH made himself a wrap carrier by going to walmart, he found a fabric he loved for under 20$ cut it in half lengthwise and now has 2 wrap carriers

I much prefer it to a sling or pouch as DS is in there very very securely.
 
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