[iveyrock]

Hi, I just wanted to introduce myself, as I have been lurking for a couple days. I am Amber, and I have an almost 18 month old DS. While I was pregnant with him, I frequented the birth board on *another* board, but right after he was born I discovered my parenting intincts, and I can't go back there now...

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I would love to hear from any moms who have older kids. With DS I was really sick the whole first trimester, then had PTL the whole last trimester, then he was in the NICU for two weeks. I don't know how to handle any of that with a toddler! What do you guys do about morning sickness? Being exhausted? I am specifically asking here because I still want to be a good AP mommy to my son, and I am scared that I can't be.
Also, cosleeping.... how does this work while pregnant? Anyone start a pregnancy with a DC still waking up all night? PLEASE at least tell me you know a friend of a brother of an aunt who had a baby that started sleeping through while mama was pregnant... I know someone that has nursed two all night long, and I don't know if I can handle it (although if you asked before, I would have said I couldn't handle the night waking thus far, and once I relaxed about it, it hasn't been a problem). Anyway, sorry for the long post. I actually feel better just writing my worries down, but any tips are highly appreciated!
Amber
Edited to rephrase the cosleeping question.

 

[cinnamonamon]

Hi iveyrock -- my ds2 is a bit older than yours (20 months), and with my 2nd pg my ds1 was a bit younger than yours will be (he was 22 1/2 months when ds2 was born). I can tell you that we had a modified cosleeping arrangement with ds1, where I went into his room whenever he woke up (he had/has a bed on the floor) and after midnight/2am (whenever I was too tired to go back & forth) I just slept in there the rest of the night. Around 4 months (I think) my milk dried up, but he continued to comfort nurse -- usually just to go to sleep or when he first woke in the morning and only for a minute or two. At around 7 1/2 - 8 months preggo, I nightweaned him -- which was hard for several days, but didn't go too terribly since he was getting no milk anyhow. He got to nurse to sleep, then FIRST thing in the morning (mine wake up at the crack of dawn, nurse, then conk out for a couple hours more, usually) so he was okay with that. I did make a few exceptions when he seemed to be really in pain, etc. -- I went with my instincts (he was getting his 2 year molars on & off just before & after ds2's birth).

We also taught him to walk into our room when he woke up rather than me going in to his -- when necessary, dh went and got him & brought him in. Basically we were creating the situation we would be in once the baby arrived. DH also did any holding & walking in the middle of the night as I wouldn't be able to leave the baby.

After ds2 was born, I let ds1 nurse anytime he wanted during the day (and boy did he!) but still not at night. It was a hard couple weeks until ds2 was settled enough for dh to bring ds1 in to snuggle on my other side, but we made it through, and then it was no big deal. Ds1 would wake up, walk into our room, crawl into bed, paste himself up against whichever side was available & conk out. He still does it. So no, he doesn't sleep through the night, but it doesn't effect me (unless he starts to climb up his brother's side, or cries out from a nightmare & dh has to go get him).

With ds2 we never bothered moving him out of our bed, as we now have 2 "full" sized futons on the floor, instead of 1 queen sized bed. Dh can't stand to be touched when he sleeps, so it didn't work so easily when ds1 was a babe. Ds2 is also much more attached to dh as we were tenative with ds1 so I just did pretty much everything.

What we plan to do this time: I'm guessing my milk will dry up in the next couple months. I'm going to wean ds1 (he nurses for a minute before bed & in the morning now) & given ds2's personality, I'm guessing he will wean as well. If he doesn't, around 7 1/2 months I'll nightwean him. We are going to start having him sleep on dh's "side" (usually it's me & the boys on one bed & dh on the other). Dh can sometimes get ds2 back to sleep (whereas he was almost NEVER sucessful with ds1) so we're going to start encouraging that. I'm also making a point to not have him pasted up against me so he gets used to having space from me.

Okay, I think my post is longer than yours!

I hope this helps, I know I was sooooo nervous when we did this last time. Let me know if you want me to explain anything I said -- I've got preggo brain going on. Dr. Jay Gordon's website has good nightweaning info., as do the bedtime & breastfeeding boards here at MDC. Good luck!

 

[mama2leila]

I don't have a whole lot of advice, but I wanted to at least say

I have a toddler who will be 16 months this week. She still night nurses (about 2x), and day nurses, and we still cosleep (with no plans to move her to her own bed). If she doesn't initiate it by the time I'm 7 or 8 months preggo, I'm going to try Dr. Gordon's gentle night weaning method. I'll be happy to nurse her during the day when the little one is born, but I don't think I can nurse her all night. When I first got pregnant she was nursing 4 times a night, and I've gotten her down to 2 by sleeping with my back to her, and having DH snuggle her more. before she was always sleeping in the crook of my arm and any time she aroused in the night she wanted milkies. Now I get to sleep until about 3 before she wants to nurse, which is just great. If she holds on to just one night nursing I probably won't push because both her dad and I have high metabolisms, so I do believe she still needs her night milk. anyway, a friend of mine has a baby the same age as my dd, and she is 22 weeks pregnant. Her son just started sleeping through the night. She did night wean him about 2 months ago. She also said she's started giving him a organic goat milk and yogurt shake at night and that coincided with his sleeping through the night, but who knows if it is just coincidence.

I hope for you that you don't have any ptl this pregnancy. Do your docs know what triggered it? Some women have it the second time around, some don't. I hope you don't. My dd wasn't a premie, but she was in the nicu after birth due to heart defects. I'm hoping we won't have a repeat of that this time because I can't imagine having to divide my time between the children.

As for m/s and being exhausted... well, I try to get through it! I often nap with dd, but that makes my m/s worse for some reason. though it's started easing up this week, so I am hopeful. But sometimes I feel like a vegetable mom! I just try to remind myself that this stage will pass and I'll play extra with dd when I have more energy!

 

[risen_joy]

Wow! Wealth of information! Ds is 11 1/2 mo and will be 18 mo when #2 is born so I've been wondering/worrying/researching all the same too - have to check on Dr. Gordon's!!

I'll be rooting for you though Amber!!!

Ellie

 

[MamaAcorn]

Ds1 was almost 3yo when I was pregnant last time around and was quite the active nurser and still co-slept. The best advice I got was to take things one day at a time, and if that's too overwhelming, one hour at a time. I did join ds for naptime occasionally, which helped so very much. I couldn't do it as often as I would have liked b/c I was working from home, but there were days that it was sooooo necessary. He probably did watch a few extra movies here in there just b/c I needed a break.

With regards to night nursing, as my supply dwindled down to nothing at the end of the first trimester, ds somewhat night-weaned himself. He'd want his back scratched in order to fall asleep instead of nursing to sleep. He still nursed to sleep for naptime and occasionally if he woke up during the middle of the night. Overall, he began to cut back on how often he nursed throughout the pregnancy. During my third trimester, he only nursed at naptime once a week, then once every two weeks, then 3 weeks, etc. He nursed for the last time three weeks before ds2 was born, completely led by him.

With co-sleeping, we put a toddler bed next to our queen size bed and tried to transition him there at night early on in the pregnancy. He would start off the night in his bed, but would be in the big bed two hours later. The best solution we found was to match up a twin right against our queen so we had a super big bed that accomodated all of us, both me in the latter stages of pregnancy and all four of us after ds2 was born. It met all of our needs at the time. Two years later and ds1 now prefers his own bed to the family bed.

 

[melanie83103]

My DS older than yours (he's almost 3), but I can certainly sympathize! It's HARD chasing after a child while being pg - I've been SOOO tired, and that hasnt helped. I can tell you one thing that has worked for us some of the time - I can lay on the couch and ask Owen (my DS) to bring me a toy or book, and then I'll play with him from the couch. That way I can get a little rest.

My DS still co-sleeps for part of the night, and so far that's not a problem. I plan to continue with this, but we'll be buying a bigger bed for sure!

Melanie

 

[Mizelenius]

Quote:

Originally Posted by iveyrock I don't know how to handle any of that with a toddler! What do you guys do about morning sickness? Being exhausted? I am specifically asking here because I still want to be a good AP mommy to my son, and I am scared that I can't be.

My first and 2nd are 3 yrs apart. My youngest is 16 months old. Since you just have one, THE most important thing, IMO, is to sleep. (It's always important, just a lot harder when you have 2.) Do everything you can to get the rest you need. Let things go more, let him watch TV if you are OK with that so you can catnap, etc.

Quote:

Originally Posted by iveyrock Also, cosleeping.... how does this work while pregnant? Anyone start a pregnancy with a DC still waking up all night?

My first was nightweaned when I got PG before, and we are now nightweaning my 2nd. Both of my daughters have been of the cry-every-hour-throughout-the-night-and-need-to-nurse variety since 5/6 months on, and it only got WORSE as they got older. I have never been able to nurse and sleep (esp. not a toddler) so I felt like I was getting a sleep torture method used on me, seriously. Since it's been going on for 11 months with no end in sight (and my body giving out with the nursing and PG) I said to DH, time to nightwean! DH now sleeps with my youngest and I sleep with my oldest. It makes nightweaning MUCH easier to not be in the same room, IMO. Out of sight, out of mind. Before the baby comes we're hoping to have them sleep together in the same bed.

Just remember to "sharpen the axe," meaning that you have to take care of what you need or you won't be very useful! Sometimes just a little rest here and there can make a huge difference!