Hello All -
I was informed about this site by a great friend two days ago. Wish I would have found it years ago! I've been married 22 years and have 2 kids - an 11 yo son and a 7 yo daughter. The marriage was deeply impacted by the premature birth of our son which, as my husband says, led him to increase his drinking. (He also blames me for my son's premature birth - because of my work schedule and/or my vegetarianism). He is an alcoholic/addict who has been in rehab 3x. If it is not one substance it is another (synthetic marijuana led him to his second stint in rehab). Over the last 11 years we've dealt with various crises - lots of illnesses of son, my PPD after birth of daughter the loss of his fulltime job in 2008 (which I believe was due to his drinking), the loss of my job in 2009 (I'm in higher ed and was the primary source of income), and a few years 'making do.' I now believe during these years he was emotionally abusive to me. I finally landed a great job in Illinois in 2013 and we moved from New York. He has his own business and, I believe, has not done all he can do to bring in income. And, his substance abuse continued when we got to Illinois (his last rehab visit was in 2014). He got very drunk when I was at a conference in September - prompting me to call police to check on kids who were terrified (which, by the way, they talked to my husband but NOT the kids!). He got very drunk in front of the kids in November at his Dad's house (I was not present). My oldest son is now very scared to be alone with his Dad. I'm exhausted and feel like there are more bad memories than good. I told him I wanted to separate in September but he resisted - saying he would have nowhere to go. About a month ago I visited an atty and he ran through the process of divorce in Illinois. My understanding is that I need to file for divorce and then file for 'temporary relief.' He did not say anything about a separation agreement. I feel like I need room to take care of my kids, focus on myself. Of course, as these things go, he is in a 'good' phase now .... very pleasant to be with. I've learned that this will not last. Any thoughts on separation agreements and why my attorney didn't bring up that possibility?
I was informed about this site by a great friend two days ago. Wish I would have found it years ago! I've been married 22 years and have 2 kids - an 11 yo son and a 7 yo daughter. The marriage was deeply impacted by the premature birth of our son which, as my husband says, led him to increase his drinking. (He also blames me for my son's premature birth - because of my work schedule and/or my vegetarianism). He is an alcoholic/addict who has been in rehab 3x. If it is not one substance it is another (synthetic marijuana led him to his second stint in rehab). Over the last 11 years we've dealt with various crises - lots of illnesses of son, my PPD after birth of daughter the loss of his fulltime job in 2008 (which I believe was due to his drinking), the loss of my job in 2009 (I'm in higher ed and was the primary source of income), and a few years 'making do.' I now believe during these years he was emotionally abusive to me. I finally landed a great job in Illinois in 2013 and we moved from New York. He has his own business and, I believe, has not done all he can do to bring in income. And, his substance abuse continued when we got to Illinois (his last rehab visit was in 2014). He got very drunk when I was at a conference in September - prompting me to call police to check on kids who were terrified (which, by the way, they talked to my husband but NOT the kids!). He got very drunk in front of the kids in November at his Dad's house (I was not present). My oldest son is now very scared to be alone with his Dad. I'm exhausted and feel like there are more bad memories than good. I told him I wanted to separate in September but he resisted - saying he would have nowhere to go. About a month ago I visited an atty and he ran through the process of divorce in Illinois. My understanding is that I need to file for divorce and then file for 'temporary relief.' He did not say anything about a separation agreement. I feel like I need room to take care of my kids, focus on myself. Of course, as these things go, he is in a 'good' phase now .... very pleasant to be with. I've learned that this will not last. Any thoughts on separation agreements and why my attorney didn't bring up that possibility?