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Hi everyone,
I just joined this forum and thought I'd introduce myself and a little bit about my background. I always like to know a little bit about my online "friends".

I'm 31, my DH is 28. This Sunday (Easter) we're celebrating our first anniversay!!
And what a year it's been...

We started trying on our honeymoon...but I didn't ovulate that month, I think because of the stress of the wedding, I lost too much weight (not on purpose...I was so pissed and eating like a cow but it just melted off
) and my body doesn't ovulate below a certain point. That was disappointing...my hubby and I both wanted a honeymoon baby.

Tried for a few more months...nothing. Then in June, I got my
BFP!!!
: Was thrilled...so excited!! Went to the doctor's for a Beta to check my levels, and they told me I was miscarrying...levels were dropping.
We were so disappointed, but it was so early...like 4 weeks 2 days or something. So I put it behind us and we kept trying.

It sounds crazy, but I think that miscarriage was a blessing, because of what was about to happen in our lives...I don't think that my body would have held onto that pregnancy during the remarkably stressful period that was about to occur.

On July 15th, I got a phone call that NO ONE ever want to receive. My husband's work partner (hubby's a mechanical engineer and was working on a helicopter project) called to tell me that Nick had been in a very serious accident. He had fallen 40 feet from a lift they were using, and landed directly on his head. His friend told me that he was being medivac-ed to the nearest trauma center, but that Nick had no pulse, was not breathing, and that I needed to get to the hospital immediately.

The next few weeks were HELL. Pure torture. I was told when I arrived at the hospital that Nick had been given CPR and rescue breathing, which bought him enough time to have the hospital staff restart his cardiac rhythm, but that his CAT scan indicated that he was most likely brain dead and would not survive. He was diagnosed with a severe traumatic brain injury that damaged every part of his brain, and he had diffuse bleeding throughout his brain that was inoperable. They told me that the bleeding would most likely cause death, but that there was a small chance that it could be reabsorbed into his brain. Even in that instance, however, the neurologists told me that he would likely never regain brain activity. They predicted that he would die within 24 hours, and that best case scenario was that he would be a vegetable for life.

He also had a broken bone in his spine, but LUCKILY it was the part of the C7vertabra (transverse process) that doesn't affect the spinal cord, so theoretically, he would not be paralyzed from it...what a blessing I considered that to be. He also had two collapsed lungs, multiple rib fractures, fractured wrist, and a AC separation of his shoulder. Finally his eyes were swollen shut so there was no way to tell what optic damage there might be.

He was in a coma and was completely unresponsive to any stimuli, including pain (evidently this is a very bad sign). They suggested (strongly) that I consider organ donation, because his license indicated that he was an organ donor. I, however, was traumatized, and not ready to do that or even think about that...in my mind, my husband was still alive. My in-laws were upset with me, because they felt that I was being "selfish" for going against Nick's wishes to donate his organs and that their son would never want to live like this. But I just couldn't do it...I couldn't bring myself to sign the paper that would end my beautiful husband's life...I couldn't imagine that I only got 4 months of married life with him before he was taken from me. It was the most horrible experience of my life.

LOOOOOOOOONG story somewhat shorter, after about 2 weeks, Nick began to come out of his coma and respond to pain.
: (You can imagine that my in-laws suddenly changed their tune and were now singing my praises!!
) After another week or so, he opened his eyes, and from then on, he just made such quick strides towards recovery. He was like Superman...everyday he made so much progress that I couldn't even keep family and friends up to date, because by the time I emailed them with his progress, the email was already obsolete.
I even joked with Nick that he needed to slow down because I wasn't able to keep up emotionally.


Anyway, after 2 months in the ICU, and then another 2 months in inpatient rehabilitation, my husband walked out of the hospital with no limp, no visible injuries, and with 98% of his brain functioning back. I am not exaggerating. The doctors say "There is no medical explanation for Nick's level of recovery." I say "This is called a miracle."
(Docs don't like that word because it makes them feel stupid!!)

So when Nick got home we...celebrated.
I wasn't even thinking about birth control, wasn't thinking that we could even get pregnant...just was thinking about having the love of my life back in my arms, in my bed, in my life.
He went back to work part-time, I started my job (had quit when he became injured to be there with him full-time) and I also took him to outpatient rehab. Things were just going along...we're starting to get our lives back together. Thinking about trying for a baby after the New Year.

Well, December comes around and I didn't get my period. I didn't think a THING of it because we weren't trying. Just figured I was under stress, it was late, you know. I even thought about testing when I was a week late, but I didn't want to spend $9 on a pregnancy test.
Finally, FINALLY, after I was about 2 weeks late, I broke down and tested...
BFP!!! Couldn't believe it!!!
:
:
: We were so unbelievably excited...it was our own little Christmas miracle baby!! We told our parents at Christmas, and everyone was obviously thrilled for us...just a few short months back, we were all thinking that I'd be a widow, and instead...Nick and I were preparing to be parents!! I guess in some ways, I also felt vindicated...like it was the universe's way of "making up" for the trauma and pain I had just endured over the past 4 months. I felt like I "deserved" that baby.

Well, all good things must come to an end (at least in my life it seems that way) and at 11 weeks 4 days...I lost the baby. I was spotting a bit, and went in for an ultrasound...no heartbeat. We'd heard the heartbeat two times before that...at 8 weeks and 10 weeks...so we know that the baby was alive and looked really healthy. It was so unbelievably devestating...and I think on the heels of the traumatic experience I had just lived through with Nick, I was a wreck. Just a mess. I don't really remember anything for about two weeks...I couldn't function. It just all hit me...and I fell apart.

So I had a D&C (my doc didn't want me to have to go through the trauma of waiting for a natural m/c given my emotional state). We went away for a week to try to relax and grieve together...I just couldn't be in our house with nothing to distract me. That helped a bit, as did leaning on friends. After about 6 weeks, it got easier and easier...although I never thought it would.

So my doc said we could try again after one full cycle (he knows we're anxious) and it took me 8 long weeks to finally get my darned period back...so after that cycle, we had the green light. And the best news was that I was going to be ovulating during the week that Nick & I were going on a Carribean cruise to celebrate our first anniversary!!! What better timing to make a baby? It really felt like a sign...this was our month.
:

Well, nope...stupid
came yesterday. I was so so so so so devestated...I mean, I was really hoping this would be our month. I literally have NO friends that aren't pregnant right now...well, I had ONE but she told me yesterday (same day as my damn aunt flow came) that she's 13 weeks pregnant.
Not that I'm not happy for her...I really really am...she's one of my best girl friends. It's just that I guess I feel...kind of like WE deserve this. We have been through so much this year that it sure would be nice to have our baby finally...

It's just so hard doing the "pregnancy math"...for example, I was supposed to be 6 1/2 months pregnant or so, showing, preparing the nursery...all things I'm dying to do and all things that all of my girlfriends are doing...


I guess the other important thing to know is that because of a suspected uterine abnormality, I was sent to a reproductive endocrinologist (RE) following my m/c to see if the uterine abnormality may have caused the miscarriage. He ran a billion tests, and it turns out that:

1) I do have a uterine abnormality, but it's very mild and shouldn't affect pregnancy.


2) I also have a genetic abnormality called compound MTHFR, which leads to a propensity for blood clots. This is what the RE thinks stopped my baby's heartbeat...he thinks I likely developed a tiny blood clot that I would never feel and wouldn't affect my health, but one that was big enough to stop a tiny embryo's heart. That was hard to hear on one hand, because it made me mad that I didn't know about it beforehand, because it's entirely treatable with medication...but on the other hand, I'm so grateful that we know about it now so that we can hopefully prevent losing another baby to the same problem. This MTHFR also inhibits absorption of folic acid and B6 and B12 vitamins, so I'm on a whole lot of prescription meds, and then when we get pregnant again, I have to be on Lovenox shots daily (blood thinner you inject into your stomach...nice
Whatever it takes for a healthy peanut, I'll do...despite the beautiful black and blue marks I'll have all over my belly.

3) Finally, they found that one of my tubes is blocked, but luckily that's treatable too. It's not blocked by the ovary, but by the uterus, and my RE explained that he would just go in with a tube and do a "Roto-Rooter" procedure.


So that's my story...long but gives background details that all affect my emotional state and desire for a baby...I'm just praying that May will be our month. I'm due for my next
on MOTHER'S DAY so hopefully...maybe...God willing...I'll get another
and get to TRULY celebrate Mother's Day as a new mommy-to-be!!
:

Thanks for reading...looking forward to getting to know all of you ladies! I'm still trying to figure out all the things about this website, like how to insert my chart, but I'll get there!!

Claire:
 

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s mama. That is an incredible story!! come join us it thope healing and trying agin after a loss! there are alot of great ladies there
 

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Welcome Claire. What an amazing story about your husband and so sad about your losses. I think that you will find a lot of wonderful ladies here. I hope you see your bfp soon.
 

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Gosh mama! What a lot of stuff for one year! How incredibly wonderful that your hubby made such an awesome recovery though - good for him - he must be one determined man! That will be an incredible story to tell the grandkids some day


Anyway, GOOD LUCK! I hope with all my heart that May is indeed your month


*HUGE hugs* mama, and so sorry about your lost little one. Be gentle with yourself - you WILL hold your own, living, breathing little baby
And soon...

XXXXX
 

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Claire,

Welcome to MDC. This forum has been such a lifeline for me since my daughter was stillborn. I am so very, very sorry for your losses - and amazed by your lovely DH. I wish you both a happy, healthy pregnancy v.soon.

I'm the one who updates our daily thread (Hope, Healing & Conceiving in April). If you would like to join us there, please do. The frontpage has instructions on how to add your chart to your sig. If you want to join the list (and find cycle buddies etc.) just pop a post in the thread with details of where you are in your cycle (Waiting to O or Waiting to Know) and I'll add you (and icons to remember your losses).
 

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Welcome Claire! Wow, that is really an amazing story. I'm so sorry for your losses, but at the same time I'm so, so happy to hear about your miracle! What an amazing relief that must have been. (The understatement of the year, I know
)
It sounds really promising that your RE found a reason for miscarrying. I'm rooting for your mother's day bfp and a very sticky baby!
 

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Wow, Claire. Thank you for sharing your story. You must be an amazing and strong woman to have stuck to your gut and held out for your dear husband to come out of his coma. I was so touched by your story, and so relieved to read that he came through so strong. I'm so sorry for your loss, and I'm glad that you found this group because these women are really supportive.
Welcome, and
: for that spring eggie for you!
 
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