[Saiahma]

DS just went out in the front yard after dinner....he came running in and asked me "Can I go to Spencer's slumber party???" Actually he said "clumber party" LOL

I asked when it was going to be, and if his mom invited him. He ran back out, came back in and said at 7:30...I then asked what day? Are you going to get an invitation, etc...He comes back again and says it's tonight! (on a Monday?) Spencer's mom said he can come, but only for an hour. I'm thinking to myself, oh, so they couldn't invite you ahead of time, but since you were outside and Spencer said something his mom must have felt guilty?? So I go outside to talk to her, she said they're having a slumber party for Spencer's 7th birthday, but Isaiah would be welcome to come to watch a movie and have some popcorn, and I can pick him up in an hour or two....Of course Isaiah's all excited, so I let him. All of the other kids had their PJ's on, so we ran home and he put his on and I walked him over. So I now feel bad because he doesn't have a gift to give the kid, and I'm hurt that they didn't think to invite Isaiah ahead of time. But he's having fun, so should I just deal with it??

This is the same child who was teasing Isaiah and telling him I'm not his real mom because DS is black (well biracial) and I'm white. His mom has since apologized for that, but it still sticks in my head every time I see them.

 

[mirthfulmum]

My opinion is to just let it go. What's most important is that your son have a good time and enjoy his first "clumber party" experience. Isaiah dosen't have any concept that he was a last minute add on to the guest list. So it's best not to dwell on it. If Spencer didn't want to include him in the party then he wouldn't have invited him. And you can't say for sure what the circumstances of the party invites were. The mom might've set out strict number limitations on the slumber party so Spencer could only invite his "best" friends. Or maybe he was limited to only inviting kids from his class as opposed to friends from outside school, again to keep the numbers down and avoid hurt feelings. You don't want to presume incorrectly that your son was left off the guest list because they were trying to be mean.

As for Spencer's not-your-real-mom comment... you know I remember saying what could be percieved as really hurtful things as a child, mostly because I didn't understand the shades of grey in my black and white world. I once told a friend, I was 8, that her father couldn't be her real dad because they didn't have the same last name. Her mother was furious with me. But I honestly didn't say it to be hurtful. I just didn't realize that some families could have several last names. Plus I just wanted to sound smart. Like I had discovered a secret.

 

[bethwl]

I think you were right to let him go since he was so excited about it. Why spoil his fun? But I understand why you're ticked off. Also, why was he only allowed to stay for the movie and not the overnight part? Did he not think it was weird that he was being picked up to go home and all the other kids were staying there? I guess that's beside the point, though. I think sure, you should let him go if he wants to, but obviously no warm family friendship is likely to develop with this family. I also wouldn't feel it necessary to invite this child to a party you were having unless your son expressly said he wanted him there.

--Beth
dd Annika 8.9.0.3

 

[therdogg]

Ha! I remember telling my best friend (age 6) that she didn't have a "real family" because she was an only child! I thought all "real families" had lots of kids!

Again, many tears (from kid AND mom) ensued, and I learned my lesson. I wasn't trying to be hurtful either, just an ignorant 'lil kid. How many two year olds shout "that man's really fat!" while pointing? To them, they aren't trying to stigmatize- they just think they're pointing out something interesting!

If a child hasn't been exposed to a biracial family before- it might truly go outside his expectations, but I wouldn't read big moral implications into it, especially since he's so little. I'm sure kids from every race, if only exposed to their own, would say politically incorrect and grossly insensitive things upon sighting the other. Because they're kids, and kids are stupid. Which is why we _raise_ (elevate) them.