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Involved DP

1K views 30 replies 25 participants last post by  sarahtmomof3 
#1 ·
Does your DP take an active interest and/or involvment with homeschooling?

Mine does not. I have convinced him that homeschool is the way for us to go and that's as far as it goes. "My wife homeschools" is what he tells people when asked. I do all the research, reading, buying, organizing, planning, teaching, etc. (It's actually pretty much this way in all aspects of our kids)

Now, I realize that he has complete and total confidence in my decisions. He trusts me. I love that about him and to be honest it gives me complete freedom with decisions. However, sometimes I'm a little bothered by the fact that he never asks nor shows any interest in any of it. He's never asked about the stuff I buy, what I'm teaching or want to teach, how I teach it, etc. I've tried to show him some books (cause I get excited) and he has no interest. I've flat out asked him if he would like to see what my plans are and the curriculum I've gotten and he said no. I asked him if he would be just as disinterested if the kids went to school and he said yes.

Kind of hurts my feelings. I work hard and he has zero interest to even listen to a brief outline of what the plans are.
 
#2 ·
Mine never took much in the way of active interest, even though he enjoyed telling people that we were homeschooling. That was fine with me. He didn't tend to complain about the way I handled it, so it was fine.

I wouldn't take it so much to heart. He apparently goes out and works to provide the opportunity for you to do this, so he's contributing a lot. It's sometimes kind of hard to keep that in mind when your dh is out of sight at work.
Lillian
 
#3 ·
Kleine Hexe, I thought my hubby was kidding when he said he had a secret family stashed some where, but now I am not so sure!


I keep thinking it will get better as the kids get older, but maybe it won't. He wants me to "do something" homeschooling-wise with the kids, but any kind of curriculum I get excited about, he's practically comatose with boredum as I try to show it to him. He hated school so much, his eyes literally glaze when I try to talk about it with him. He loves that we homeschool though.

Big weirdo.

I talk to my mom and my friends enthusiastically about school ideas now.
 
#4 ·
My DH shows no interest in our HSing life either. He is super supportive of our HSing and other decisions I have made for our family, and I am grateful for that. It's disappointing that I can tell he is humoring me when I talk about what we did that day or anything curriculum related. I think his brain is fried after a long, HOT day of working on cars.

I try to remember how lucky I am to have his support when our parents think we are crazy for "doing this to our kids." He refuses to put our kids back in school as much as I do.
 
#5 ·
No, mine did not help, nor did he support my decision (which I basically railroaded him into by not re-enrolling the kids when it was clear my ds was having problems).

He would occasionally do a project I suggested, but that was more a parenting thing than a homeschooling thing. He read to them occasionally, but not consistently.

He complained about their deteriorating Hebrew/Torah skills (his area, not mine, but it is crucial to both of us), but he was not willing to invest the energy required, after a long day of work (and 1-day weekends). This is part of the reason why I put them back in school, after 3 years.

I am doing 90% of the daily school-related stuff now, but I make him help with homework when it is his area (Torah, Hebrew, etc.) because I can't do that. He is active in the PTA at ds's school (he is a youth group director, so he has great ideas and connections) and I make him deal with ds's principal (because she scares me) and teachers as much as possible. I drag him to meetings, basically to show him how much work "school" involves, and that homeschooling wasn't so much extra work, in comparison. I also send him out to buy the schoolbooks, so he can see firsthand how $$$ they are! (Public school, but doesn't supply books).

I feel that most dh's are about as interested in homeschooling as they are in breast pumps and diapers.

Good luck, Lisa
 
#6 ·
Same here. We're at the preschool level. And sure he will do a few sheets if I haven't the time that day with her if I ask. But he doesn't come home and inquire of his own volition if I need help today. YKWIM? And he happily admires anything there is to admire -- art work, projects, worksheets, dances, whatever the results of the day's effort was. But could care less if she does the seashore unit before the bug unit and he doesn't care what books we follow. So long as I'm hapyp and she's happy... he's happy.

However he IS teaching her music on his own and I leave them to that. I am not musical at all.

I think it's just that people have different talents and interests, and of course, the SAH parent has more opportunity to really get INTO the homeschooling.

DH is the same way about our budget. He's happy to fork over his paycheck and let me manage it all.

But I'm that way about my computer. I just want it to come on and work when I want it. I have no interest in its innards and I leave him to decide when it needs upgrades.

A.
 
#7 ·
When I say my DH is supportive of homeschooling I mean he believes it's the right thing for us, sticks up for me with the ILs and doesn't give me a hard time..not that he actually DOES any of it


Seriously, I used to sometimes run out in the evenings (when DD does her work) and I would tell him *this is what she is supposed to do and you need to read X and Y and help her if with math if she needs it.* I would come home and DD would say *I couldn't do math, Dad doesn't know how to explain it right* and only 1/2 the reading would be done, if that. He just isn't *in* to the actual instruction peice and totally doesn't get the way DD learns. He also gets that glazed look when I talk about curriculum. If he asks what I am planning to get what he's relly asking is *how much does it cost and how much overtime do I have to work to buy it?*.

Now the soccer? He'll work with DS for hours helping him learn this move or that, but workbooks and coll science projects? Nope.
 
#8 ·
DH does not take an active interest. His eyes glass over when I talk about it.

However, he has given me time to research, spends lots of time with DS and makes an effort to make everything a teachable moment.
 
#9 ·
my dh thinks we should homeschool 100%. he has played bingo with us before, and he does ask my kids everyday about what they learned, etc. he plays with them, and reads them books, etc. and we planto do field trips as a family.

but he doesn't really have involvement in homeschooling beyond that. he has no input over the books i choose, co-ops, homeschool group, associations, extra curricular activities, when we do school, or how we do school. i don't really ask his advice either, but he trust me completely. he works full-time and has a crazy schedule, and i'm a SAHM. so for us, i knew homeschooling would be something i was in charge of, and i honestly like it that way.
i'm on the computer all of the time researching things, and i've been researching homeschooling since my dd was a toddler. my dh has a loose understanding of homeschool terminology, but beyond that he's not sure what's out there exactly. my dh also "acts" excited when i have finally found that perfect thing i was searching for....but deep down he doesn't really have a clue what i'm talking about probably. in his defense, his occupation is as a musician, and he'll share new "things" he found online or just purchased that will make his job easier, and i equally try to sound excited....not really knowing what he's even talking about, LOL.
 
#10 ·
Just today, for the first time, out of the blue, DH asked me if I had a "curriculum" I was using. I was all, "WHY? WHY do do you want to know that?" It totally sounded like someone was planting doubts in his head
He's spent the whole summer, as waiting4it2snow put it, "practically comatose with boredom" whenever I talked about buying stuff and making plans. But today I actually mailed our notification letter, so I guess he feels like it's real now. He says he wants to know what we're learning so he can reinforce it. While I'm thrilled to hear this (from the man who, when I mentioned earlier in the summer that he might play a part in our HSing, said, "Me?? Me? My part??"
, I'll believe it when I see it. He does have some ideas of his own though--he's excited to teach DD "financial math" and Spanish.

I'm hopeful, but we'll see...
 
#11 ·
My dh supports our homeschooling in lots of ways. He's very hands on with the kids and is happy to do projects, field trips, play games etc.
He's happy to help with specific things if I ask him - our one daughter would rather read to Dad than me, and we save some stuff we have learned during the day (to read a new word, a science concept or math trick) to show dad at the end of the day.
We talk a few times a year about long term goals for education and he's always willing to help if I ask him.
He also finds cool stuff for the kids - a youtube video they would like or a science article or online game - that kind of thing.
He's really proud that we homeschool and that our kids get to do really interesting stuff and he's happy to be supportive.

But he only shows polite interest in curriculum resources (the same as I show in say his sports or computer stuff). He trusts me to do the buying and planning and doesn't feel the need to input on a lot of this because he's not the one using it.

Karen
 
#12 ·
My husband is planning to arrange his job so that we can each be home half-time to homeschool. He's really looking forward to it.

That said, he doesn't seem to be interested in doing a lot of advance reading or discussion. I suppose that he may be willing to read more when our daughter gets closer to school age.
 
#13 ·
When we first started homeschooling my dh was pretty hands-off. But now, after 1.5 years of homeschooling, he has taken a real interest in reading history with the kids (Story of the World), and he was telling the kids last night that he wants to study American government with them as an election year is approaching. I think dh has realized how fun it is to learn (or re-learn ;-) along with the kids (he had mentioned to me a few weeks ago how he little he learned in civics/ government in school).

Dh and I do frequently talk about what we feel is important for the kids and our family. I did make sure my dh approved of the math books (Singapore), but only because he has very strong math background. I also make a point of showing him kids' work over dinner so he can talk with the kids.

But day to day, I would say it is me. I research, sign kids up, pay attention to where we are at, choose books...
 
#14 ·
Well my DH is 'interested', but in not in a 'wow, that looks like a great book' or "what are you studying now, I'd like to do something related with the kids" kind of way.

"What did you learn today, where are your papers, what's the plan, is he meeting your goals...." is what I get. My DH was reluctant to hs, agreed to it as a last resort when 1st grade was a problem for DS (I wanted to since having kids, and *really* wanted to when we moved during K). So my DH is interested in a "I'm checking in on you do make sure you're doing better than what I think the public school can do" kind of way.

But that's another thread.

The grass is always greener.
 
#15 ·
I'm so gosh-durn lucky.


DH is extremely supportive of unschooling. When I first told him about it, it took all of five minutes for him to be completely on board. He's constantly touting the benefits of natural learning to friends, co-workers and family, and he'll often make comments to us about how wonderful unschooling is. Kenzie (9.5) will be immersed in some huge project, or explaining something to us, or having fun hanging out with fellow homeschoolers during the day, and Terry will inevitably say something about how this wouldn't be possible if he were in school.

He works a lot and has some health problems, so when he gets home he's often beat, but he loves going places with us - museums, game days, classes, festivals, parks.... He schedules himself to be off on days when we've got cool stuff planned. He also enjoys working with Kenzie in Photoshop and Illustrator, and the two of them often paint or draw together, as well. Oh, and since they share the same love of fantasy novels and such, they spend a lot of time chattering away about characters that I can't even begin to pronounce!

Also, he's such a storehouse of knowledge that we end up saving all our questions throughout the day for him. 90% of the time, he knows the answers, and he's got this knack for explaining things in a way that anyone can understand.



Okay, I'm through gushing for the moment.
 
#16 ·
My dh will listen to me explain what we're working on to the best of his ability
. He even asks how "school" went or is going when he calls on breaks.

But, *if* his eyes started glazing over when I talk about HSing, I might be hurt. BUT--I know that my eyes glaze over when he starts talking about certain things that I really can't/don't want to grasp (like cars, b-o-r-i-n-g!!).

:
 
#17 ·
Well, the way I look at it, working full time is a pretty big deal. I was reminded of that awhile back when I went off and worked full time (which was only 32 hours) in a beautiful and relaxing resort/growth center just because it sounded like fun. But it wasn't fun - it was actually stressful except for my time off, even though they go out of their way to make it as stress free as possible. I'd had tough jobs before, but I'd forgotten just how tiring it can be. If a spouse had been expecting me to contribute much of anything to his own leisurely home based job during my time off, it would have been very stressful. I needed all that time for my own rejuvenation. If a dad is willing to get up every day and go work somewhere for eight hours to support the family, and even be cheerful about it, he's participating in the homeschooling process in my book. think men don't generally get way enough credit for the things they do. I'm don't mean that as a criticism - just sayin'...
Lillian
 
#19 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by ABand3 View Post
I'm trying to be mindful every day that DH's day makes our days possible. Thank you for the reminder

Well, I just read something about the fact that men don't tend to get expressions of gratitude for this kind of thing, and that they feel bad about it, so it came to mind right away. It's sad. I think it was in the book, "Self-Made Man," by a woman who posed as a man for over a year - I want to say a year and a half. Amazing insights she came up with. And it took a lot out of her emotionally. I think it's a valuable read for both men and women. When I told my son about some of the things she'd discovered, he got a copy for himself.
- Lillian
 
#20 ·
This is where my homeschool group comes in. I told my husband that I consider them my "coworkers" because they are the ones that can talk curriculum all night long, get excited over a new book, or see value in a good debate over which library is more homeschool-friendly.


When we discussed this exact issue(DH's interest in homeschooling) he told me that he never wanted to be a "teacher" so to say, and that he loves being "just Dad". He loves to share his passions with our kids, to have fun together, and to help the kids grow up to be happy, well rounded adults. He has no interest in which math curriculum we use(or public school would use), he just wants to be sure the kids are learning mathematics. He will check "homework" occasionally, listen to the kids read, and take the day off work to join us on a fun field trip, just as he would no matter where the kids went to school. It works for us!
 
#21 ·
Lillian wrote:
<<<for eight hours to support the family, and even be cheerful about it, he's participating in the homeschooling process in my book.>>>

Or 12 hour days. Two of my dh's days are 15. ITA, men don't get enough credit.

As far as interest goes, I've learned that as long as we are all happy, so is he. I talk homeschool with my friends and sometimes DH will show some interest in the neat things the kids are doing. But, he really could care less about one book vs. another.
 
#22 ·
My dh is very supportive of homeschooling and even unschooling (for now). But he's not very involved in what we do or what I buy, tbh. I used to want him to chime in on hs purchases, but I guess I'm more into it than he is. By "into it", I mean that I'm the one who is home with the kids during the day and I'm the one who obsessively reads here
and networks with the local homeschool group. What we do now is that I basically run things by him, like "Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I'm buying some owl pellets since ds1 is so into them right now." or "I'm thinking about signing ds1 up for this art class. What do you think?"

He's very involved in their lives but not necessarily their *homeschooling*. That's probably not going to make sense at first. I basically am in charge of all the logistical stuff relating to homeschooling, because I'm the parent who is here to do it. But dh chats with the kids about things they're interested in, reads to them, answers questions, tapes shows that he and the kids both like (e.g. space shows). I guess there are areas where he and the kids have similar interests and he shares that with them. He's going to do things like take them to the auto museum, because it's a shared interest. But he's not going to seek out a play or concert for them, for example and he's not going to read on this board. I guess I run logistics and he is involved in their education via conversations, shared interest and reading.
 
#23 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Lillian J View Post
If a dad is willing to get up every day and go work somewhere for eight hours to support the family, and even be cheerful about it, he's participating in the homeschooling process in my book. think men don't generally get way enough credit for the things they do. I'm don't mean that as a criticism - just sayin'...
Lillian

I totally agree!
 
#24 ·
Dh is completely supportive of us homeschooling. He doesn't usually do any of the "scheduled" homeschooling curriculum stuff.

However, he does go on field trips, talk to them about things they're learning and he's the one who reads to them before bed. He does help them when asked; the other morning he was doing ds' math with him before work. And when ds took a Spanish class on Saturdays, dh was the one who took him.

Most of our homeschooling happens during the work day and the kids would rather hang out with him in the evening than do schoolwork, so that's how we do it.
 
#25 ·
My DH is completely supportive of us being a HSing family. So far we are just doing preschool, so there isn't much to do and it's not like we HAVE to stick with a strict schedule. However, I definitely envision him becoming more involved with projects/lessons, esp when we get into more of the math and science stuff, since that is his forte. I'm lucky that my DH's hours at work are good, he is on call a lot, but he can cover call from home, so this allows him more family time than most fathers who work out of the home. In fact, this was one reason why he was so gung ho about HSing, b/c he plans to do stuff like take the kids fishing or golfing when they are older during the weekdays, which will be nice, and he does get days where he is off of work early and not on call... those are the days we just blow out of town for a fun day trip.
 
#26 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Kleine Hexe View Post
Does your DP take an active interest and/or involvment with homeschooling?

Mine does not. I have convinced him that homeschool is the way for us to go and that's as far as it goes. "My wife homeschools" is what he tells people when asked. I do all the research, reading, buying, organizing, planning, teaching, etc. (It's actually pretty much this way in all aspects of our kids)

Now, I realize that he has complete and total confidence in my decisions. He trusts me. I love that about him and to be honest it gives me complete freedom with decisions. However, sometimes I'm a little bothered by the fact that he never asks nor shows any interest in any of it. He's never asked about the stuff I buy, what I'm teaching or want to teach, how I teach it, etc. I've tried to show him some books (cause I get excited) and he has no interest. I've flat out asked him if he would like to see what my plans are and the curriculum I've gotten and he said no. I asked him if he would be just as disinterested if the kids went to school and he said yes.

Kind of hurts my feelings. I work hard and he has zero interest to even listen to a brief outline of what the plans are.

My partner is supportive emotionally and financially. Without his moral support and financial support homeschooling would be hard. That said, I am in charge of most of the schooling. On occasion he will say " I want to talk to you about history " or something to that affect. We are big talkers here and so we are constantly 'teaching by talking' and I do see that as taking part. When he has discussions with the little one, I look at that as teaching.

He is always impressed with the schoolwork itself and sometimes throws ideas out there for projects but I don't think that he wants a run down of every day. More so because when he comes home from work he wants to relax. The two of them do literally sit together after he comes home from work and they watch cartoons
. I get the sense that no one really wants to 'talk shop' about the new curriculum I just ordered or the new schedule that I made up . But that is more on the week nights.

We do discuss homeschooling on the weekend. Not so much the nitty gritty details of the schedule and what have you but more how great it is that we are a homeschooling family.

So I would say he is supportive but not super involved. He is going with us on a homeschool trip this month which will be new.I don't mind our arrangement at all though. It really works for our family.
 
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