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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
shopping cart. For the first time DS sat in a shopping cart while we were at the grocery store. It amazed me how many people, normally I just would either hold DS or wear him and although people smiled at him they never approached him, maybe went to shake his hand or pat his shoulder. For some reason I don't like that strangers are shaking his hand. Does this bother anyone else?<br><br>
BTW, I am always right there holding on to the cart when people do this and people never acknowledge me.
 

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My dd has been sitting in the cart for awile. She likes to read the list and talk to me. ( More like eat the list and scream at me but whatever).I do get very antsy when people go to touch her.This woman yesterday grabs her hands ans shakes them,I snaped at her after telling her not to touch her she still did it! I hate people! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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You're not the only one, I think that that is SO rude. I don't know where people get the idea that it's ok to do either.
 

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Yeah.. Ive had that happen.. I let the people know I would rather then NOT touch my baby.. And I agree that it is rude..<br><br>
Ask them how they would feel is somebody came up to them and just starting touching on them..
 

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Thankfully, my DS feels shy around new people, and if they get too close, he will inch away and whimper... all but one person have gotten the hint... and DS put his hands over his eyes and burst into tears screaming "no,no,no,no" She high-tailed it out of there. (That was the first time that had ever happened, now if someone were to get that close I would pick him up.)
 

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How about saying "Oh, don't touch her, she's contagious right now" and moving on quickly. lol. First thing that came to mind. You can always hit that aisle again later <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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I love how friendly people are to babies. I think it is so valuable for kids to learn they are part of a larger community. I also think of my babies as whole people, not something I own, so if they don't mind the interaction I am fine with it. Nothing is sweeter than seeing a lonely elderly person in the line at the grocery store light up when interacting with a baby. I can't imagine denying either participant of that.<br><br>
OTOH my eldest is ASD and even as a baby he freaked out if anyone even looked at him. I had to sling him until well over 2 just because he couldn't handle the over-stimulation of being in stores and when people tried to interact with him he would either refuse to acknowledge them or he would start screaming. I remember vividly wishing everyone in the world would just leave us alone! Now he is the opposite, HE goes up to strangers and tells them our whole life story with no regard for the fact that they don't know what the heck he is talking about <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
Still, I am glad people are still friendly enough to one another that they actually want to come near my baby. I don't find it rude, I find it refreshing. I have actually talked to so many people I never would have otherwise because they came up to see one of my kids <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>FreeRangeMama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8230640"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I love how friendly people are to babies. I think it is so valuable for kids to learn they are part of a larger community. I also think of my babies as whole people, not something I own, so if they don't mind the interaction I am fine with it. Nothing is sweeter than seeing a lonely elderly person in the line at the grocery store light up when interacting with a baby. I can't imagine denying either participant of that.<br><br>
OTOH my eldest is ASD and even as a baby he freaked out if anyone even looked at him. I had to sling him until well over 2 just because he couldn't handle the over-stimulation of being in stores and when people tried to interact with him he would either refuse to acknowledge them or he would start screaming. I remember vividly wishing everyone in the world would just leave us alone! Now he is the opposite, HE goes up to strangers and tells them our whole life story with no regard for the fact that they don't know what the heck he is talking about <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
Still, I am glad people are still friendly enough to one another that they actually want to come near my baby. I don't find it rude, I find it refreshing. I have actually talked to so many people I never would have otherwise because they came up to see one of my kids <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"></div>
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Yes. When babe was 1 week old I met a woman at the taco stand 5 blocks away. She fell in love with DS and we see her in the neighborhood all the time now (DS is 2 now). She still tells people how I got the tacos without hotsauce because I didn't know if it would make my breastmilk too spicy <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"> for DS. She just painted some kid sized wooden benches red and put them in her garden just for DS. These kinds of relationships are SO enriching. Sometimes I was annoyed because she wanted to kiss DS and he would cry (when he was like 9 months old). But it's really not a big deal. I like that he has fans and I encourage that.<br><br>
My DP would take baby to the park every day for a walk and I was horrified to find out that he would give DS to these strangers to hold EVERY DAY (sometimes DS would come home smelling like strange cologne and cigarette smoke!). But now DS LOVES these people who they've built relationships with (like the trio of Chinese women who don't speak a word of english that walk the park daily and the guy who does tai chi, etc.). It's all good and wonderful.<br><br>
Now my DS waves to strangers and really LIKES people. He says "hi" to people on the street even before I do. I love that about him.
 

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I think there is a fine line between interacting with and touching my baby. I don't mind that people talk to him or try to make him smile. I do the same thing to other people's babies too. I don't mind telling the ladies at the grocery store all about him, it's fun.<br><br>
But touching makes me cringe. I have no idea what they touched last. Maybe a leaky package of hamburger, now they're touching his hands or his toys that he's going to shove in his mouth. I'm not a huge germ-phobic person, but he's been sick a lot this winter so I try to be careful.<br><br>
I also think touching babies bothers me because strangers don't randomly go up to other adults and grab them or poke at them, so why is it acceptable to do that to a baby?<br><br>
At any rate, you are not the only one who is bothered by this.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Daisie125</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8230557"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Thankfully, my DS feels shy around new people, and if they get too close, he will inch away and whimper...</div>
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Oh.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>emma_goldman</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8230509"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I always wash his hands after we've been outside of the home.</div>
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Me too.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>CarmenJ</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8230617"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">How about saying "Oh, don't touch her, she's contagious right now" and moving on quickly. lol. First thing that came to mind. You can always hit that aisle again later <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"></div>
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There's an idea.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>FreeRangeMama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8230640"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I love how friendly people are to babies. I think it is so valuable for kids to learn they are part of a larger community. I also think of my babies as whole people, not something I own, so if they don't mind the interaction I am fine with it. Nothing is sweeter than seeing a lonely elderly person in the line at the grocery store light up when interacting with a baby. I can't imagine denying either participant of that.<br><br>
OTOH my eldest is ASD and even as a baby he freaked out if anyone even looked at him. I had to sling him until well over 2 just because he couldn't handle the over-stimulation of being in stores and when people tried to interact with him he would either refuse to acknowledge them or he would start screaming. I remember vividly wishing everyone in the world would just leave us alone! Now he is the opposite, HE goes up to strangers and tells them our whole life story with no regard for the fact that they don't know what the heck he is talking about <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
Still, I am glad people are still friendly enough to one another that they actually want to come near my baby. I don't find it rude, I find it refreshing. I have actually talked to so many people I never would have otherwise because they came up to see one of my kids <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"></div>
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I don't mind if people smile or talk to my DS, I don't know there is just something about the touching that bothers me. DS is pretty shy, but if people talking to him doesn't bother him it doesn't bother me.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>emma_goldman</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8230701"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Yes. When babe was 1 week old I met a woman at the taco stand 5 blocks away. She fell in love with DS and we see her in the neighborhood all the time now (DS is 2 now). She still tells people how I got the tacos without hotsauce because I didn't know if it would make my breastmilk too spicy <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"> for DS. She just painted some kid sized wooden benches red and put them in her garden just for DS. These kinds of relationships are SO enriching. Sometimes I was annoyed because she wanted to kiss DS and he would cry (when he was like 9 months old). But it's really not a big deal. I like that he has fans and I encourage that.<br><br>
My DP would take baby to the park every day for a walk and I was horrified to find out that he would give DS to these strangers to hold EVERY DAY (sometimes DS would come home smelling like strange cologne and cigarette smoke!). But now DS LOVES these people who they've built relationships with (like the trio of Chinese women who don't speak a word of english that walk the park daily and the guy who does tai chi, etc.). It's all good and wonderful.<br><br>
Now my DS waves to strangers and really LIKES people. He says "hi" to people on the street even before I do. I love that about him.</div>
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That is a sweet story, of course you knew that lady. I mean I don't mind if I know the people, as long as DS doesn't mind.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>2 in August</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8233133"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I think there is a fine line between interacting with and touching my baby. I don't mind that people talk to him or try to make him smile. I do the same thing to other people's babies too. I don't mind telling the ladies at the grocery store all about him, it's fun.<br><br>
But touching makes me cringe. I have no idea what they touched last. Maybe a leaky package of hamburger, now they're touching his hands or his toys that he's going to shove in his mouth. I'm not a huge germ-phobic person, but he's been sick a lot this winter so I try to be careful.<br><br>
I also think touching babies bothers me because strangers don't randomly go up to other adults and grab them or poke at them, so why is it acceptable to do that to a baby?<br><br>
At any rate, you are not the only one who is bothered by this.</div>
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Ya, I am not a germ-phobic either, in fact I am always saying, when DS drops a piece of dry cereal on the ground and then picks it up (with in a matter of seconds, not days later) and puts it into his mouth I always pipe up with a smile "good for his immune system."
 

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Perhaps more adults SHOULD touch each other. Then we wouldn't all feel so disconnected. Maybe I was more concerned with my 1st, I can't remember. I do know that now that baby #3 was having fun playing with dog poop this morning (yikes, gross) that someone's hands just don't seem as terrible <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
Seriously, they grow and explore and get into all sorts of horrible things. And thanks to dithalic immunity (I know I probably spelled that wrong) whatever your baby is exposed to YOU will produce immunity to when they nurse.<br><br>
It is different if the child really doesn't want to be touched or talked to, then it becomes a boundary issue that should be respected. But if they don't have a problem with it why should I?
 

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I know, babies get into a lot and maybe society is screwed up because we don't reach out to people like we should, but I still don't like random strangers coming up and touching him. Sometimes he does cry and get scared, other times he's ok with it. Plus as much as I hate it and fought it, I've had to use supplemental feedings with ds because he wasn't gaining wt due to really low supply problems, so he isn't getting all the antibodies he could be. So maybe that's why I'm paranoid too.
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>FreeRangeMama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8230640"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I love how friendly people are to babies. I think it is so valuable for kids to learn they are part of a larger community. I also think of my babies as whole people, not something I own, so if they don't mind the interaction I am fine with it. Nothing is sweeter than seeing a lonely elderly person in the line at the grocery store light up when interacting with a baby. I can't imagine denying either participant of that.</div>
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Me, too! Although DS is usually in our wrap. People still come up to him him peer at him/make cootchie-cootchie-coo noises at him, etc. They are also usually fascinated by the wrap and I use it as an opportunity to plug the benefits of babywearing. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Neth Naneth</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8228823"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">For some reason I don't like that strangers are shaking his hand. Does this bother anyone else?<br><br>
BTW, I am always right there holding on to the cart when people do this and people never acknowledge me.</div>
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I hate it when strangers shake their hands! I always think *yuck, when was the last time they washed their hands????* I had a co-worker of my moms, who I had never met before, kiss them both on the lips. That really bothered me!!! And yes, half of them don't acknowledge me either, I think it is so rude!<br><br>
But try having twins, I can't go anywhere without being stopped. Sometimes I have to keep my eyes down and walk really fast just to get my shopping done. But as long as people are nice, I don't mind answering their questions.
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
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<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>twinalicious</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8234521"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I had a co-worker of my moms, who I had never met before, kiss them both on the lips.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/jaw.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="dropjaw"><br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>twinalicious</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8234521"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">But try having twins, I can't go anywhere without being stopped. Sometimes I have to keep my eyes down and walk really fast just to get my shopping done. But as long as people are nice, I don't mind answering their questions.</div>
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I don't mind talking to the people either. Now see I can imagine you would get it a lot more, I mean if I see twins I always smile and am thinking *oh how cute* but I never approach them.
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>CarmenJ</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8230617"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">How about saying "Oh, don't touch her, she's contagious right now" and moving on quickly. lol. First thing that came to mind. You can always hit that aisle again later <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"></div>
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A woman on another group of mine said something like this... Just put a biohazard sticker on her
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>twinalicious</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8234521"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I hate it when strangers shake their hands! I always think *yuck, when was the last time they washed their hands????* I had a co-worker of my moms, who I had never met before, kiss them both on the lips. That really bothered me!!! And yes, half of them don't acknowledge me either, I think it is so rude!<br><br>
But try having twins, I can't go anywhere without being stopped. Sometimes I have to keep my eyes down and walk really fast just to get my shopping done. But as long as people are nice, I don't mind answering their questions.</div>
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No, I totally get the kissing thing. And a stranger woman when I was travelling on the train touched my DS's cheek when she walked by. That wowed me.
 

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<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>FreeRangeMama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8230640"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I love how friendly people are to babies. I think it is so valuable for kids to learn they are part of a larger community. I also think of my babies as whole people, not something I own, so if they don't mind the interaction I am fine with it. Nothing is sweeter than seeing a lonely elderly person in the line at the grocery store light up when interacting with a baby. I can't imagine denying either participant of that...<br>
Still, I am glad people are still friendly enough to one another that they actually want to come near my baby. I don't find it rude, I find it refreshing. I have actually talked to so many people I never would have otherwise because they came up to see one of my kids <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"></div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">:<br><br>
And FWIW, as long as people aren't kissing DS, I don't mind people touching him either. We all wash our hands after. I could get just as many germs touching stuff at the store and then touching DS, so the idea of germs doesn't bother me that much.
 
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