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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have heard horror stories about relatives (particularly in-laws) and friends DEMANDING and having huge fits about being in the delivery room. Is anybody experiencing this?
 

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Not yet, but last time my step mom got seriously offended because I let my mom in and my dad in, and not her. A lot of the other family who was there said she went outside and and stayed out there for several hours. But, I didn't need her worrying and stressing me out.

This time, I am going to push dh to tell his tons of extended family to not come. They were all there last time in the waiting room, his aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents. I don't need to or want to be thinking that I am going to be having an audience during or after.
 

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I never understood having family waiting around in a waiting room while you labor and deliver. It has got to be boring for them. In the past I labored for forever before having surgeries and we never told anyone we were in labor till the baby was delivered. I wouldn't be able to take having folks around me when I'm laboring. This time will be a scheduled section and my husband will be the only one with me.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by lila2801 View Post
No not yet, I was concerned for awhile about having ILs just showing up and waiting but we'll see what happens.
don't tell them until AFTER the baby is born and that way you won't have to worry about it.
 

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I don't really have anyone demanding quite yet, but I did ask my Mom to tell extended family that I would prefer to not receive any visitors in the hospital. The most important thing to me is to have that time to rest, heal, and bond with my baby, not be gawked at. I want this to be a private and intimate affair with those closest to me.
 

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With my dd.... mil came in, I asked her to wait outside, I was getting ready to push and she came running back in the room and witnessed everything! I was so pissed, but I couldn't talk, I was too busy pushing!
 

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I thought I was going to have a problem with this, but the people I feared would demand to be in there (my mother and sister) have since voiced their opinions that they don't want to see that aspect of me or the birth, so it's been a huge relief.

I'm giving people the option of visiting as long as I'm up for it, before I start pushing. Methinks the company will help distract me from the pain a little. But I've let them all know that the minute I say out, I mean OUT! And visiting can only be done when I'm fully clothed and not getting checked.
 

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Nah...delivery room is our bedroom...and no one is invited.
Just me and DH.
 

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Don't let anyone you feel "obligated" to let come or anyone who's forcing their presence to be there. That's seriously bad birthing juju and can slow things down for a vaginal birth. And you're having a c/s right? That's major surgery - not a spectator sport! Now's the time to step up and say no. If you can't say no now, when can you? When somebody (not implying your family or anyone you know, just as an example) wants to smoke in front of your baby? When somebody wants to finger feed the baby some chocolate at four months old? When? You know? It's YOUR family and YOUR birth. My SIL had her baby's father's mother crash her birth (she wasn't even with the father any more) and no one kicked that woman out. Unbelievable. Doula, doula, doula.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by nuwavemomma View Post
Don't let anyone you feel "obligated" to let come or anyone who's forcing their presence to be there. That's seriously bad birthing juju and can slow things down for a vaginal birth. And you're having a c/s right? That's major surgery - not a spectator sport! Now's the time to step up and say no. If you can't say no now, when can you? When somebody (not implying your family or anyone you know, just as an example) wants to smoke in front of your baby? When somebody wants to finger feed the baby some chocolate at four months old? When? You know? It's YOUR family and YOUR birth. My SIL had her baby's father's mother crash her birth (she wasn't even with the father any more) and no one kicked that woman out. Unbelievable. Doula, doula, doula.
Oh, I wasn't talking about me personally! If you have met me for say, 5 minutes, you know that I do NOT have the personality to tolerate anyone demanding anything of me. I don't play that game! I was just gonna offer support to anyone going through this. I know it can be very stressful.
 

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I cannot IMAGINE letting anyone see our birth. It is so private! It would be, to me, like having family watch us have sex! (Almost.) Sometimes I don't even want DH there....just females like my doula. But I generally let him come anyway, you know, just to be nice, LOL.
 

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UGH. For my first, my MIL threw her butt in the air about being allowed in. She played so many sympathy cards it wasnt funny.
Adam's brother's gf had a baby 5 months before I had my first, and they told her she couldnt come in. She SOBBED for DAYS over it. And told Adam "Kelly better let me in there because this is my only chance to see a grandchild born!!!!" She has 4 children of her own, 2 boys 2 girls. One daughter was killed in a car accident at 17 yrs old, and the other is mentally unstable. So she played that card as well. She also tried just telling us she was coming in. That doesn't work well with me. AT ALL.
But she's a butt-in-er (?) anyway. So I just told her no way. And I didnt have my mom or anyone else either. (Last min my sister had to stay in, but it wasnt planned on and we just didnt talk about that afterwards).

For this baby, I have already made it clear that no one is coming in. NO ONE. And for my first, we let everyone in the room to visit while I was laboring, but kicked them out for delivery. At one point when the contractions got really bad I told everyone to get out, and my MIL sat there talking to the Dr and ignored me. My mom finally just grabbed her and pushed her out.
This time I dont want anyone in while I'm laboring either, and I plan on going to the hospital a lot later as well. I was only 2 cm when we got there, so it was a loooooooong time before baby arrived. Instead of feeling comforted or distracted by people visiting, I was simply annoyed.
I told the nurses not to let anyone in without my permission (and Adam giving permission didn't count). I also told them no one could stand outside the door, they had to go in the waiting room.

If people want to wait in the waiting room, there isnt much you can do to stop it. and as long as you dont see them, it doesnt really make a difference. Just be clear with the nursing staff and the dr about when they can and cant be in with you.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Jacksonmom View Post
Nah...delivery room is our bedroom...and no one is invited.
Just me and DH.
: Yippee!!! Oh, plus the mw and maybe ds.

For my last birth, we were at the hospital. We live 1,200 miles away from all of our family, so we didn't have to worry about anyone just showing up. However, I REALLY wanted my mom to be there. We decided to just wait until I went into labor instead of her flying out and waiting for him to be born. [THIS IS SO COOL]...My labor was only 8 hours from when my water broke...she made it all the way from Texas to Maryland by plane, took the 40 min cab ride from the airport and was in the room with me when I started pushing!! Anyway, not really an answer to the original question, but I just LOVE sharing that story!
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by nuwavemomma View Post
Don't let anyone you feel "obligated" to let come or anyone who's forcing their presence to be there. That's seriously bad birthing juju and can slow things down for a vaginal birth.
Yes! and I wanted to point out that most midwives and doulas will tell you, that each additional person in the room, whether supportive or not, will add an hour to your labor.
 

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Now that we are trying to plan a home birth I'm not sure how things are going to work as we have a 2 1/2 year old so we need someone to watch him.

But when the original plan was to birth at hospital, I told DH, "I don't want anyone there, not in the waiting room, not in the parking lot. Don't call ANYONE until I tell you to, which may be when we are at home!"


I've already informed my mom. And MIL hasn't brought it up so I haven't mentioned it to her yet.
 

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I can't think of anyone in my family who would want to be there! If I was having a hospital birth, I can see my MIL kind of being that way, but we'll be at home and she knows she is coming to be in charge of ds1, not watch the birth. I even told dh that if my labor goes overnight, I'd like her to take him to a hotel to sleep.

My sister will be there as well, but she's invited.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Multimomma View Post
Yes! and I wanted to point out that most midwives and doulas will tell you, that each additional person in the room, whether supportive or not, will add an hour to your labor.

I don't really think that is true for everyone.....if it is people who are being annoying & non-supportive I can see it happening. But honestly ~ my shortest births have had the MOST people surrounding me during labor. My last 2 kids we had ~~ my DH/mom/sister/brother/doula(friend)/MW & assistant/ & my older kids present through out labor & all were there for the birth......my longest 3 labors were in a hospital w/ only DH & my mom there.

To the OP ~ I did have an issue w/ my first birth. We were naive & called everyone right away to tell them hey we are in labor
...yea, my dad decided to SHOW UP @ the hosp & come into the room. All was well for a bit while he visited but then it was time for a check & the nurse "decided" it was time to "start pushing"
: which meant he had to stay out....she asked if we wanted him back in & then let me labor some more while he was told we were going to push
....not sure when we actually started to push, but I do remember the nurse having to throw her weight around to get him out of the room.....

After that baby he never showed up when I was in labor again


Dana
 
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